Perfectionism

Hey, y'all. It's Daisy. Today I just want to share something that I have written in my Alone With God journal. If you don't have an Alone With God journal, that's okay, but please get one. It is just my lifeline. It's incredible, and I use it every day, and my friends use it. And it's just the best. So, you can get yours at wordbymail.com.

And I am really scared to share what I wrote. But I think that it is something that God has put on my heart, and wants me to share. So, if it touches your heart, all I ask is that you also journal about it today, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in you.
 
Matthew 5:48 (NIV) 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect.

Here's the question I wrote to myself after reading today's verse. What do you think of when you hear the word “perfection”?

I’ve been really struggling with the fear of imperfection lately. The older I get, the more pressure I feel to have it “more together.” I compare myself to my friends who are settling down and having kids. I feel like a teenager trapped in an adult body, wondering if I’m ever going to feel like a grown-up. I feel the pressure of time, and it stirs up this need to become more accomplished. I don’t feel like I fit in with society at all. In fact, I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, which leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable. I long to be flawless and put together. I feel myself reaching for walls to hide myself and to shrink into my shame. Even confessing this feels so embarrassing because the people-pleasing, perfectionist side of me is screaming at me to hide my flaws, and fears, and insecurities so that I can still be seen as “cool” and unscathed by the world. I wrestle daily with the desire to be flawless, but that leaves no room for intimacy, which is the thing I crave even more than perfectionism.

I don’t think my longing to be “perfect” is the problem here, though. If I’m made in the image of God, how can I not long for the sense of perfectionism? I take after the most divine, the most creative, the most abundant. I think the real issue is treating myself like a project out of pride — a longing to fix myself so I can be admired or approved of by others. But the more I face my own darkness, the more I realize I am not being called to perfectionism in the way that the world calls me to perfectionism. I am called to see myself as perfect in the eyes of my Creator. From there, I’m called to adopt a new identity through my beliefs, thoughts, and daily habits. I am called to grow and perfect my understanding and raise my standards so that I am truly a reflection of Jesus. I am being called to allow the holy spirit to transform my mind and bring more of my soul forth — to live from a space of authenticity and love. I am being called to see myself as God sees me. God is asking me to draw closer to Him rather than putting on a show for the world because the more I chase what the world deems as perfect, the more I walk away from the only one who truly is perfect.

As you journal today, I want you to think about these questions: What would change in your life today if you pursued God’s idea of what perfect is instead of the world’s or your own? If you’re scared, like me, to be more vulnerable about your imperfections, what would happen if you didn’t change? Would you regret not allowing God to transform you?

Let’s pray: Lord, I believe, but heal my unbelief! Father, the fear is too much sometimes. There are days when I fear not being enough or having enough. I fear losing control. I fear losing control of my image. I fear rejection, and I fear of missing the mark. I fear that I’m missing out on life because of that fear. When I am deeply consumed by fear, my only solution is to come and lay it at your feet and ask for help. Give me the courage and comfort to be more of myself and to be accepting of the plans you have for me. Help me. In Jesus’ name, amen.