The Role of The Wife
Session 7 (Audio Only)
Welcome back to “God's Design for Marriage” - Session 7.
I think the most important thing we can do before we start talking about roles is to decide "from what source" we take our direction. Where you get your information impacts how you feel, and we have basically three choices for our role definitions; the World - the Church - and the Bible. If we put it on a scale, it would look something like this:
World____C_H_U_R_C_H____Bible
The world puts our role way on one end of the scale, the Bible puts our role way on the other end of the scale, and the Church has become "spread out" somewhere between the world and the Bible, hasn't it?
When Christians discuss this subject, why is it so often we find ourselves on some kind of a sliding scale, trying to fit in somewhere between what the world says and what the Bible says? Even good solid Christians, who accept the Bible as the inerrant, holy Word of God - when this subject comes along, they often get their feathers ruffled and start explaining why they don't agree with God’s Word in this area. Often, Christians don't want to really dig too deep into God's Word on this subject, because we really want to stay on that sliding scale somewhere between the world and the Bible - and this is true for the roles of both husband and wife.
But guys, we've got to trust and accept God's Word including what it says about our roles. And I promise you, it is the flesh nature in both husband and wife that begins to "rebel" when we consider accepting God's design about our roles in Marriage.
If we want to experience God’s blessings in our marriage, we’ve got to accept our God-given roles by faith, relying on the Holy Spirit to conform us to God’s design.
Wives where you go to get your information and for your answer to the question: What is your God designed role in your marriage (do you go to the world, the Bible or the Church - somewhere in the middle -?) determines whether you join God in his design... or whether you superficially acknowledge God's design and then do whatever you want in your marriage anyway.
I used three sources to prepare for this message, Sandy Macintosh, Nancy Missler and Kay Arthur. “For Women Only” by Word for Today.
Now it would be easier to start with God's design for the husband, because then we could IMPLY that big IF... IF my husband does his role - THEN I'll do mine. There is no condition in God's Word. And God addressed the order of our roles three times in the Bible and every time God addresses the wife first, so we'll do the same. Let's go back to Genesis 2:18 where for the first time in the creation account God said, "It is not good."
Gen 2:18 (NLT)
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
We looked at this verse in our second message, "Creating a Husband and a Wife." But in that message we were focused on the words, "just right." Now, we are going back to look at the word "HELPER."
Remember, God said "It is not good for the man to be alone" because God was not finished creating mankind. And so to finish God's complete design of Mankind He said, "I will make him a helper comparable to him." And God designed woman as a “helper just right for Adam" to complete his design of mankind.
But wait a minute. Before we look too closely at this verse let's back up to Genesis Chapter 1.
Genesis 1:26–27 (NLT)
26 Then God said, “Let us make human beings (mankind) in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”
27 So God created human beings (mankind) in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
In order for us to understand our roles we first have to understand our complete equality, and we begin to understand our complete equality here in verse 27. First verse 27 says that mankind was made in the IMAGE of God, and then do you see in verse 27, God created mankind "One" made out of "Two?"
We are created in the image of God, which means a number of very incredible things. But the one "In the image of God" trait I really want you to see is that we are one flesh made up of two distinct persons. In a similar way that God is ONE - made up of THREE distinct persons.
In the one person of God, is there one whose role is to be the Helper? Don't we even call one member of the Trinity, "The Helper?" So, are we demeaning that Person of the Godhead? Are we insinuating that role of the Godhead has less worth? Do you think the Holy Spirit feels insulted or slighted by his title?
Then why do some of us "bristle up" at this term "Helper"? ANSWER: The sin nature. In fact, it's actually part of the curse of the “Fall.” In Genesis 3:16 when God was laying down the consequences of the “Fall,” he said to the woman:
Genesis 3:16 (NLT)
16 . . . And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”
We need to understand, it's the sin nature (self-will) - not God - that causes us to "bristle" at this word.
Let’s look closely at this word “helper” in Genesis 2:18.
Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
The Hebrew word for “helper” is `ezer (ay-zer) - Literally: “to help.” It is used 21 times in the Old Testament.
5 TIMES it’s used referring to PEOPLE (including here in Genesis 2:18)
16 TIMES it’s used referring to the person of God, most often referring to the Holy Spirit.
This word is used to define God's role three times more often than it's used to define mankind's role to one another. Yet because of our sin nature and because of the world's influence - we think somehow it's a demeaning term! (What an insult to God!)
This role definition for God continues into the New Testament. Look at John 14:16 where Jesus is promising to send the Holy Spirit.
John 14:16 (ESV)
16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever,
“Allos Parakletos” - “One of the same Kind and Quality Who is CALLED alongside to help”
The Helper is not LESS than totally EQUAL in the Godhead. He is GOD - Who is "One of the same Kind and Quality - Whose role - is to HELP." That's how God Himself is designed, and that's how God DESIGNED a husband and wife, perfectly equal - with different roles - just like the Godhead.
Remember, back in Genesis 2:18, the words "Just right" (NLT) or "Fit for him" (ESV) mean “according to the opposite.” In our second session we talked about how God made a husband and wife to fit together. And part of how God made a husband and wife fit together is by designing the husband to SACRIFICIALLY lead (which we will look at next session) and by designing the wife to SACRIFICIALLY support (help.) God made two opposites that make one when put together correctly. It is actually impossible for God's design for marriage to be fulfilled without the wife taking on her role as "helper." It would be like the church trying to accomplish God's purposes without the power, the strength and the help of the Holy Spirit.
We've got to bring God's design of the wife's role from Genesis 2 as we head over to the infamous verse, Ephesians 5:22, and if we'll approach Ephesians 5:22 with God's Genesis 2 design fresh in our mind, then we'll see this scripture is really a matter of organization
Ephesians 5:21–22 (NLT)
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Verse 21 is the GREATER SENSE of "Submit" as in EMPTYING ourselves to ESTEEM the other HIGHER.
Verse 22 is the LESSER SENSE of "Submit" as in dealing with ORDER and FUNCTIONALITY.
This statement of order in a marriage relationship comes directly from the roles that God designed. There are some women who really rebel against this - why? Because, our sin nature wants us to be in charge. Because our sin nature says WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT ME? And that's been true since the fall of mankind in the garden. But in this sense, the most common definition of submit is: "to align or arrange under" - it refers to order and functionality.
(The message from Session 6, “The ‘S’ Word is for Everyone" deals with the GREATER SENSE of submission. But for this session we are talking about submission as it relates to order and functionality in relationships.)
That's what God is dealing with here in Ephesians 5 and 6 - He's talking about how all Godly relationships function correctly.
God's design for the good of the marriage relationship is:
It has nothing to do with superiority. It has everything to do with function.
"Submission" does not mean caveman and possession, dictator and slave or even Tarzan and Jane. Submission is the design for multiple roles to operate as one flesh, in the same image as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Wives, the leadership role in your marriage is your husband's - your role is to be his "counter-part" to help and support him.
These verses in Ephesians 5 and 6 kick off the role of submission in all relationships. You'll remember from Session 6 there are six different relationships dealt with in these passages, and all of them flow from Ephesians 5:21 - submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Submission is an integral part of every correctly functioning relationship, and in Ephesians 5:22 - it is about leadership functioning in marriage.
Now, let's talk about the "as to the Lord" part of this verse.
Ephesians 5:22 (NLT)
22 For wives, this means submit to your husband’s as to the Lord.
Colossians 3:18 (NLT)
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.
Colossians 3:23 (NLT)
23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.
A wife’s help and support of her husband is her service rendered as unto the Lord.
A wife's submission - coming under (along-side) her husband to help and support him - is her services rendered "as to the Lord." When a wife recognizes her husband's role of leadership, she does that "as unto the Lord."
Now, let's read the entire instruction to wives here in Ephesians 5.
Ephesians 5:22–24 (NLT)
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
This is an acknowledgement of LEADERSHIP. Paul is moving into kind of a double metaphor, comparing MARRIAGE to the CHURCH. But here, the reference is to LEADERSHIP. The "head" is referring to the role of leadership. Remember what 1 Corinthians 11:3 says;
1 Corinthians 11:3 (NLT)
3 But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
The issue here is LEADERSHIP in your marriage. Now, invariably, right here comes the quick-draw response, "yeah, but..." I have never heard so many "yeah, buts" from Christians as when these verses are read, or even referred to!
Now, some of the "yeah, but" questions do require additional counsel. HOWEVER, you must first trust God's design for marriage, and then you can seek additional counsel from that position of trusting God's design.
We will talk more about the "yeah, buts" in the Session called "Living in our Roles."
1 Peter 3:1–2 (NLT)
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over
2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
We will talk more about this later. But for this session please understand God's Design for the Role of the Wife is:
1) To sacrificially HELP (like the Holy Spirit in the Godhead)
2) To sacrificially SUPPORT - your Husband as The Leader (Ephesians 5)
Now, the real beauty of God's design for marriage is when BOTH really submit to their God given roles. However, the real MIRACLE is - either one of you CAN fill your role whether your spouse is or not. Because neither one of our roles is conditional, they are unconditional.
Remember, most often when EITHER a husband or a wife is not functioning in their God given role, it's usually because the sin nature is in control somewhere, instead of the new nature.
Remember (First M.I.P.) - It is the refusal to crucify self-will that is at the root of EVERY marriage problem!!!
You can (in the power of the Holy Spirit) sacrificially help and sacrificially support your husband, YOU CAN!! Not in your own strength (there's not enough TRY in you) but by putting off the OLD nature and putting on the NEW.
So, if you're ready to take on your God Designed role, let me give you five "A" words from Sandy Macintosh (Word for Today – “For Women Only” series) that will truly say to your husband: "I want to be your helper" - and - "I support you."
5 practical ways to fulfill the role of the wife (written by a woman):
1) Adaptation – adapt yourself to your husband.
2) Acceptance – let him know you accept him, just as he is.
3) Agreement – this takes constant self-sacrifice from both spouses.
4) Attitude – that draws him to you, not pushes him away.
5) Appreciation – show him how much you appreciate him.
There were actually 6 ‘A’ words, but the 6th was a little mushy for me . . .
6) Adoration – let him know you adore him.
God's Design for the Wife's Role
YES - there are some "What if's" and "What about's" and some specifics, but THIS is GOD'S design for your role.
Response Time…
Who determines if the wife is fulfilling her role as Helper?
__ Wife __ Husband
WIVES, this is so important - it is today's M.I.P....
It is the husband that determines if the wife is sacrificially helping and sacrificially supporting.
I've seen Christian marriages where the wife says, I know I'm called to be the helper - so THIS is what I'M going to do. THIS is how I'M going to do it. And these are MY limits.
But if the wife is determining all of the what, when and how much of her helping, is that really helping? Or rather is it the wife saying basically, "I'm just going to design my own role so I can still do what I want."
So, wives, I need to say something very important. (Next session I will get to the husbands). You're only helping if your husband "FEELS" helped.
You're only strengthening and supporting if your husband "FEELS" strengthened and supported.
And there is only one way to know... ASK HIM! Ask your husband, "What can I do to actually help you?" "How can I come alongside you to strengthen and support you?"
It is possible for a wife to be knocking herself out in the marriage... and the whole time your husband is not feeling helped, or strengthened or supported at all. Wives, you need to honestly ask, "What can I do to help you." - while sacrificing your own desires, and coming alongside him to strengthen and support him in your marriage.
So, let me help you do that...
So wives, please hand your workbook to your husband . . .
To be completed by the husband in the wife’s workbook
Three areas my wife DOES make me feel helped and/or supported:
“Heavenly Father, this can be such a difficult subject. Please help us choose your design over our own or the world’s. May you live in us to fulfill the roles you’ve designed us for. We trust your design. Please give us the power of the Holy Spirit to be all that you’ve created us to be. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD HOMEWORK
I think the most important thing we can do before we start talking about roles is to decide "from what source" we take our direction. Where you get your information impacts how you feel, and we have basically three choices for our role definitions; the World - the Church - and the Bible. If we put it on a scale, it would look something like this:
World____C_H_U_R_C_H____Bible
The world puts our role way on one end of the scale, the Bible puts our role way on the other end of the scale, and the Church has become "spread out" somewhere between the world and the Bible, hasn't it?
When Christians discuss this subject, why is it so often we find ourselves on some kind of a sliding scale, trying to fit in somewhere between what the world says and what the Bible says? Even good solid Christians, who accept the Bible as the inerrant, holy Word of God - when this subject comes along, they often get their feathers ruffled and start explaining why they don't agree with God’s Word in this area. Often, Christians don't want to really dig too deep into God's Word on this subject, because we really want to stay on that sliding scale somewhere between the world and the Bible - and this is true for the roles of both husband and wife.
But guys, we've got to trust and accept God's Word including what it says about our roles. And I promise you, it is the flesh nature in both husband and wife that begins to "rebel" when we consider accepting God's design about our roles in Marriage.
If we want to experience God’s blessings in our marriage, we’ve got to accept our God-given roles by faith, relying on the Holy Spirit to conform us to God’s design.
Wives where you go to get your information and for your answer to the question: What is your God designed role in your marriage (do you go to the world, the Bible or the Church - somewhere in the middle -?) determines whether you join God in his design... or whether you superficially acknowledge God's design and then do whatever you want in your marriage anyway.
I used three sources to prepare for this message, Sandy Macintosh, Nancy Missler and Kay Arthur. “For Women Only” by Word for Today.
Now it would be easier to start with God's design for the husband, because then we could IMPLY that big IF... IF my husband does his role - THEN I'll do mine. There is no condition in God's Word. And God addressed the order of our roles three times in the Bible and every time God addresses the wife first, so we'll do the same. Let's go back to Genesis 2:18 where for the first time in the creation account God said, "It is not good."
Gen 2:18 (NLT)
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
We looked at this verse in our second message, "Creating a Husband and a Wife." But in that message we were focused on the words, "just right." Now, we are going back to look at the word "HELPER."
Remember, God said "It is not good for the man to be alone" because God was not finished creating mankind. And so to finish God's complete design of Mankind He said, "I will make him a helper comparable to him." And God designed woman as a “helper just right for Adam" to complete his design of mankind.
But wait a minute. Before we look too closely at this verse let's back up to Genesis Chapter 1.
Genesis 1:26–27 (NLT)
26 Then God said, “Let us make human beings (mankind) in our image, to be like us. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.”
27 So God created human beings (mankind) in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
In order for us to understand our roles we first have to understand our complete equality, and we begin to understand our complete equality here in verse 27. First verse 27 says that mankind was made in the IMAGE of God, and then do you see in verse 27, God created mankind "One" made out of "Two?"
We are created in the image of God, which means a number of very incredible things. But the one "In the image of God" trait I really want you to see is that we are one flesh made up of two distinct persons. In a similar way that God is ONE - made up of THREE distinct persons.
In the one person of God, is there one whose role is to be the Helper? Don't we even call one member of the Trinity, "The Helper?" So, are we demeaning that Person of the Godhead? Are we insinuating that role of the Godhead has less worth? Do you think the Holy Spirit feels insulted or slighted by his title?
Then why do some of us "bristle up" at this term "Helper"? ANSWER: The sin nature. In fact, it's actually part of the curse of the “Fall.” In Genesis 3:16 when God was laying down the consequences of the “Fall,” he said to the woman:
Genesis 3:16 (NLT)
16 . . . And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”
We need to understand, it's the sin nature (self-will) - not God - that causes us to "bristle" at this word.
Let’s look closely at this word “helper” in Genesis 2:18.
Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”
The Hebrew word for “helper” is `ezer (ay-zer) - Literally: “to help.” It is used 21 times in the Old Testament.
5 TIMES it’s used referring to PEOPLE (including here in Genesis 2:18)
16 TIMES it’s used referring to the person of God, most often referring to the Holy Spirit.
This word is used to define God's role three times more often than it's used to define mankind's role to one another. Yet because of our sin nature and because of the world's influence - we think somehow it's a demeaning term! (What an insult to God!)
This role definition for God continues into the New Testament. Look at John 14:16 where Jesus is promising to send the Holy Spirit.
John 14:16 (ESV)
16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever,
“Allos Parakletos” - “One of the same Kind and Quality Who is CALLED alongside to help”
The Helper is not LESS than totally EQUAL in the Godhead. He is GOD - Who is "One of the same Kind and Quality - Whose role - is to HELP." That's how God Himself is designed, and that's how God DESIGNED a husband and wife, perfectly equal - with different roles - just like the Godhead.
Remember, back in Genesis 2:18, the words "Just right" (NLT) or "Fit for him" (ESV) mean “according to the opposite.” In our second session we talked about how God made a husband and wife to fit together. And part of how God made a husband and wife fit together is by designing the husband to SACRIFICIALLY lead (which we will look at next session) and by designing the wife to SACRIFICIALLY support (help.) God made two opposites that make one when put together correctly. It is actually impossible for God's design for marriage to be fulfilled without the wife taking on her role as "helper." It would be like the church trying to accomplish God's purposes without the power, the strength and the help of the Holy Spirit.
We've got to bring God's design of the wife's role from Genesis 2 as we head over to the infamous verse, Ephesians 5:22, and if we'll approach Ephesians 5:22 with God's Genesis 2 design fresh in our mind, then we'll see this scripture is really a matter of organization
Ephesians 5:21–22 (NLT)
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Verse 21 is the GREATER SENSE of "Submit" as in EMPTYING ourselves to ESTEEM the other HIGHER.
Verse 22 is the LESSER SENSE of "Submit" as in dealing with ORDER and FUNCTIONALITY.
This statement of order in a marriage relationship comes directly from the roles that God designed. There are some women who really rebel against this - why? Because, our sin nature wants us to be in charge. Because our sin nature says WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT ME? And that's been true since the fall of mankind in the garden. But in this sense, the most common definition of submit is: "to align or arrange under" - it refers to order and functionality.
(The message from Session 6, “The ‘S’ Word is for Everyone" deals with the GREATER SENSE of submission. But for this session we are talking about submission as it relates to order and functionality in relationships.)
That's what God is dealing with here in Ephesians 5 and 6 - He's talking about how all Godly relationships function correctly.
God's design for the good of the marriage relationship is:
- for the husband to be the leader, and
- for the wife to help and support.
It has nothing to do with superiority. It has everything to do with function.
- It is in role and function that Jesus Christ submits to the Father
- It is in role and function that the wife submits to the husband.
"Submission" does not mean caveman and possession, dictator and slave or even Tarzan and Jane. Submission is the design for multiple roles to operate as one flesh, in the same image as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Wives, the leadership role in your marriage is your husband's - your role is to be his "counter-part" to help and support him.
These verses in Ephesians 5 and 6 kick off the role of submission in all relationships. You'll remember from Session 6 there are six different relationships dealt with in these passages, and all of them flow from Ephesians 5:21 - submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Submission is an integral part of every correctly functioning relationship, and in Ephesians 5:22 - it is about leadership functioning in marriage.
Now, let's talk about the "as to the Lord" part of this verse.
Ephesians 5:22 (NLT)
22 For wives, this means submit to your husband’s as to the Lord.
Colossians 3:18 (NLT)
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.
Colossians 3:23 (NLT)
23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.
A wife’s help and support of her husband is her service rendered as unto the Lord.
A wife's submission - coming under (along-side) her husband to help and support him - is her services rendered "as to the Lord." When a wife recognizes her husband's role of leadership, she does that "as unto the Lord."
Now, let's read the entire instruction to wives here in Ephesians 5.
Ephesians 5:22–24 (NLT)
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.
24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
This is an acknowledgement of LEADERSHIP. Paul is moving into kind of a double metaphor, comparing MARRIAGE to the CHURCH. But here, the reference is to LEADERSHIP. The "head" is referring to the role of leadership. Remember what 1 Corinthians 11:3 says;
1 Corinthians 11:3 (NLT)
3 But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
The issue here is LEADERSHIP in your marriage. Now, invariably, right here comes the quick-draw response, "yeah, but..." I have never heard so many "yeah, buts" from Christians as when these verses are read, or even referred to!
- "Yeah, but" - what if my husband __________?
- "Yeah, but" - what if my husband isn't saved?
- "Yeah, but" - what if my husband's an idiot?
- "Yeah, but" - what about ME? - And what about what I WANT?
Now, some of the "yeah, but" questions do require additional counsel. HOWEVER, you must first trust God's design for marriage, and then you can seek additional counsel from that position of trusting God's design.
We will talk more about the "yeah, buts" in the Session called "Living in our Roles."
1 Peter 3:1–2 (NLT)
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over
2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
We will talk more about this later. But for this session please understand God's Design for the Role of the Wife is:
1) To sacrificially HELP (like the Holy Spirit in the Godhead)
2) To sacrificially SUPPORT - your Husband as The Leader (Ephesians 5)
Now, the real beauty of God's design for marriage is when BOTH really submit to their God given roles. However, the real MIRACLE is - either one of you CAN fill your role whether your spouse is or not. Because neither one of our roles is conditional, they are unconditional.
Remember, most often when EITHER a husband or a wife is not functioning in their God given role, it's usually because the sin nature is in control somewhere, instead of the new nature.
Remember (First M.I.P.) - It is the refusal to crucify self-will that is at the root of EVERY marriage problem!!!
You can (in the power of the Holy Spirit) sacrificially help and sacrificially support your husband, YOU CAN!! Not in your own strength (there's not enough TRY in you) but by putting off the OLD nature and putting on the NEW.
So, if you're ready to take on your God Designed role, let me give you five "A" words from Sandy Macintosh (Word for Today – “For Women Only” series) that will truly say to your husband: "I want to be your helper" - and - "I support you."
5 practical ways to fulfill the role of the wife (written by a woman):
1) Adaptation – adapt yourself to your husband.
2) Acceptance – let him know you accept him, just as he is.
3) Agreement – this takes constant self-sacrifice from both spouses.
4) Attitude – that draws him to you, not pushes him away.
5) Appreciation – show him how much you appreciate him.
There were actually 6 ‘A’ words, but the 6th was a little mushy for me . . .
6) Adoration – let him know you adore him.
God's Design for the Wife's Role
- SACRIFICIALLY HELP and
- SACRIFICIALLY SUPPORT your Husband
YES - there are some "What if's" and "What about's" and some specifics, but THIS is GOD'S design for your role.
Response Time…
Who determines if the wife is fulfilling her role as Helper?
__ Wife __ Husband
WIVES, this is so important - it is today's M.I.P....
It is the husband that determines if the wife is sacrificially helping and sacrificially supporting.
I've seen Christian marriages where the wife says, I know I'm called to be the helper - so THIS is what I'M going to do. THIS is how I'M going to do it. And these are MY limits.
But if the wife is determining all of the what, when and how much of her helping, is that really helping? Or rather is it the wife saying basically, "I'm just going to design my own role so I can still do what I want."
So, wives, I need to say something very important. (Next session I will get to the husbands). You're only helping if your husband "FEELS" helped.
You're only strengthening and supporting if your husband "FEELS" strengthened and supported.
And there is only one way to know... ASK HIM! Ask your husband, "What can I do to actually help you?" "How can I come alongside you to strengthen and support you?"
It is possible for a wife to be knocking herself out in the marriage... and the whole time your husband is not feeling helped, or strengthened or supported at all. Wives, you need to honestly ask, "What can I do to help you." - while sacrificing your own desires, and coming alongside him to strengthen and support him in your marriage.
So, let me help you do that...
So wives, please hand your workbook to your husband . . .
To be completed by the husband in the wife’s workbook
Three areas my wife DOES make me feel helped and/or supported:
- __________________________________________________
- __________________________________________________
- __________________________________________________
- ___________________________________________________
- ___________________________________________________
- ___________________________________________________
“Heavenly Father, this can be such a difficult subject. Please help us choose your design over our own or the world’s. May you live in us to fulfill the roles you’ve designed us for. We trust your design. Please give us the power of the Holy Spirit to be all that you’ve created us to be. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD HOMEWORK