Communication Part 2
Session 11 (Audio Only)
Welcome back to “God’s Design for Marriage” – Session 11. Last message we talked about communication as two trains of thought. Have you thought of or used that concept? And how about the shutdown concept of holding our own train back?
We said:
Today, we are going to continue “Communication” in marriage by;
There is no part of your body that has power – equal to your tongue. Your tongue can bring life to your marriage, restore your marriage and it can bring death to your marriage, destroy your marriage.
Session 11 – Most Important Point
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21
Each of us has been on the receiving end of the power of the tongue. Each of us has felt the pain, sometimes the long-term pain, of the power of someone’s tongue used against us. And hopefully we’ve felt the life and strength and restoration of the power of someone’s tongue used for good.
It is the way a person speaks to us that either draws us to them or repels us from them. If you anticipate words of blessing, you are drawn to that person. If you anticipate words of bitterness, you will often find ways to avoid that person.
Again, let me make this perfectly clear, the power of your tongue can heal, strengthen and restore your marriage OR it can slowly, methodically destroy your marriage.
James 3:2–4 (NLT)
2 Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.
If you can control your tongue, you can control your whole body (and life.) That’s the way it is in horses, and even in large ships.
3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth.
4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong.
Consider the Exxon Valdez
In 1989, the Exxon Valdez ran aground in Prince William Sound, Alaska. The pilot of the ship was careless with its tongue, and 11 million gallons of destruction and devastation was spilled over 1,300 miles of some of the most beautiful coastline in the world.
There was unbelievable pollution and damage, all caused by the uncontrolled tongue of one ship. This might well describe some of our marriages. The Captain of the Exxon Valdez tried to excuse himself from that devastation saying, “I was just careless,” but that Captain went to prison for the damage his ship’s tongue caused. And how he wishes he could take back his carelessness.
James says we have the exact same risk in our marriages if we do not crucify the deadly power of our tongue. Continuing in James 3:
James 3:5–6 (NLT)
5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.
6 And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.
A small flame of fire that can destroy all life in its path. And verse six says the tongue IS a fire, a fire that can set your whole life on fire… and it, itself, is set on fire by hell. Those are some pretty serious warnings about our tongue. We should be terrified at the potential damage our tongues can do.
James 3:7–8 (NLT)
7 People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish,
8 but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.
Verse eight says “no one can tame the tongue” because its root is in your sin nature. And you, (in your own nature) don’t have the ability to tame the tongue.
So, you have one of two choices:
Just like the Exxon Valdez, you can allow your tongue to defile the coastline of your marriage with pollution.
So, what are we to do with this dangerous enemy between our teeth? We said this in our last message, and it bears repeating. The problem with our tongue doesn’t start in our mouth, it starts in our heart. So, first, we must make our heart right before God, because if we are harboring poison in our heart, pollution will spill out into our marriage and bring devastation to what God made to be beautiful.
We see this dilemma of the tongue as we continue in James. Our tongue has both the power to bless and bring life and the power to curse and bring death.
Our tongue has both the power to Bless and the power to Curse.
James 3:9–12 (NLT)
9 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God.
The biggest example:
10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!
It’s not right! Something is not right here…
11 Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?
12 Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.
Translation = HYPOCRISY!! The underlying issue here is your heart, not your “performance” at church.
It is the condition of your heart causing bitter water and cursing to spring forth from the well that is between your teeth. How big of a deal is this? Look back up in James 1.
James 1:26 (NLT)
26 If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.
An Uncontrolled tongue = Useless Religion
This is a matter of your heart. And again, how do you know if your heart is right? By the words that are coming out of your mouth.
Proverbs 25.11 – A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
Proverbs 16:24 - Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
Proverbs 12.18 - . . . the tongue of the wise promotes health.
If the words coming out of your mouth are bringing life and health, you can know your heart is right with God. However, if the words coming out of your mouth are bringing death and destruction you can know your heart is not right with God.
TRANSFORMED COMMUNICATION
It is vital we accept the fact that our tongue reveals sin in our heart, because that’s how we know we need to be transformed. So, let’s look at what transformed communication looks like.
Ephesians 4:17–18 (NLT)
17 With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live (walk) no longer as the Gentiles (unbelievers) do, for they are hopelessly confused.
18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him.
Don’t live (direct your life) like an unbeliever having your mind darkened and being far from God. Most Christians who are polluting their marriages with their tongues are blind to the sinful condition of their heart, just like an unbeliever. First, we’ve got to recognize we’re acting like an unbeliever…
Now, Ephesians 4 turns to putting on the new life in Christ.
Ephesians 4:20–22 (NLT)
20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ.
21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him,
22 throw off (crucify) your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.
To “throw off” (put off) is to “crucify your old sin nature.” HOW? By presenting your old sin nature to be consumed by God. (Romans 12:1) So verse 22 says “throw off (crucify) your old sinful nature and your former way of life…” and then Ephesians 4 says:
Ephesians 4:23 (NLT)
23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.
Get a renovation of your mind – be transformed. (Romans 12:1) And then Ephesians 4 continues:
Ephesians 4:24 (NLT)
24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.
There is the “PUT-OFF” “PUT-ON” theology of HOW to be transformed. You’ll then be able to say with Paul (Galatians 2:20) “it is no longer I who live – but Christ lives in me.”
HOW??
There are very practical and very biblical steps to throwing off your old life, letting the Holy Spirit renew your mind and putting on the new life. I can tell you the key word is . . . DAILY !!
It’s about immersing yourself in the Spirit (walking in the Spirit) daily, so that you don’t fulfill the lusts of the flesh.
Galatians 5:16 (NLT)
16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.
The simple answer to the “how?” is; we’ve got to learn how to let the Holy Spirit guide our lives (walk in the Spirit.) But we have to accept the word learn, - implies learning.
As we throw off the old life (repent/turn) and as we learn to let the Holy Spirit guide us, we will begin to put on the new life of Christ.
Learn to walk in the Spirit . . . learn to let the Holy Spirit guide your life.
Let me give you some real, practical guides to actually bringing transformation into your life.
RESOURCES
These three resources are all by Wayne Mack.
“A Christian Growth and Discipleship Manual”
“A Homework Manual for Biblical Living”
“God's Solutions to Life's Problems”
These are all very practical, daily guides to the “Put-Off, Put-On Transformation Theology” and we highly recommend anything by Wayne Mack.
Okay, now let’s look in Ephesians 4 right after Paul finishes the transformation process, in the very next verse he goes into the evidence of this new life, and the first thing he addresses is our communication.
Ephesians 4:25–27 (NLT)
25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.
26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
We dealt with both last session.
Then, in verse 28, Paul deals with stealing and honesty. And then he goes right back into issues of the tongue.
Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)
29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Have you ever known a Christian with foul or abusive language coming out of their mouth? And the worst is the Christian who has pleasant and loving words for everyone else in the church, and then foul or abusive words for their spouse. That is a Christian who has not been transformed. We must esteem our spouse higher than all other person and we must be most careful with our words to them.
Again, verse 29 - Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful,
We’ve got to PUT OFF – foul and abusive and
We’ve got to PUT ON – good and helpful
We can be transformed to do exactly that. We can bring damage to our spouse like no one else with our foul and abusive words. We can build up and strengthen our spouse like no one else with words that are good and helpful.
Abusive language – is literally: foul or putrid words
Encouragement – is literally: to build up or strengthen
But HOW can we do that? What if they don’t deserve to be built up? How can we speak only what is good and helpful? The answer is…
BY IMPARTING GRACE . . .
Let’s look at Ephesians 4:29 in the ESV.
Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace (NLT - encouragement) to those who hear.
Grace is giving your spouse what they do not deserve. It means literally, “unmerited favor” and it’s exactly what God has given you. In the same way you have received undeserved favor from God, you can impart “undeserved favor” to your spouse. Jesus Christ died to give you God’s grace (undeserved favor) and you must die to your “self” to give your spouse grace.
This is a foreign concept to our “self” nature and it’s exactly what we are called to do.
That is imparting grace. It’s giving your spouse what they do not deserve. Our words must always impart grace to our spouse.
What are the consequences if we do not speak this way?
Ephesians 4:30 (NLT)
30 And do not bring sorrow to (grieve) God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live . . .
We need to be very clear on this: If corrupt words are proceeding out of our mouth, we are grieving the Holy Spirit. The word “grieve” means “to make sorrowful, or to offend.” When we are offending the Holy Spirit, we are separated from him, and there are consequences in our spiritual life. If you feel separated from God, you may want to check the words that are coming out of your mouth, because that might explain why you feel distant.
Ephesians 4:31 (NLT)
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.
These are all sins of communication. Six sins that will destroy your marriage
Bitterness – A bitter root, which produces a bitter fruit
Rage – Outbursts of anger
Anger – Exhibited in punishment
Harsh words – A verbal brawl
Slander –To injure by speech
Evil behavior – A desire to injure
Do you have a bitter root in your heart that leads to outbursts of anger, which are exhibited in punishment leading to verbal brawls where you end up causing injury by your speech? These are the sins of your heart that come out of your mouth.
God is able to forgive you and to heal you of them . . .
If you will come to him in repentance:
And how will you know when that has happened?
When you are living out the next verse in Ephesians 4:
Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)
32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Then you have been truly transformed by the Spirit of the Living God! And it really can happen in each of our marriages.
Psalm 34:12–14 (NLT)
12 Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous?
13 Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies!
14 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
RESPONSE TIME . . .
Please compare your answers with your spouse . . .
Let’s Pray: “Dear Lord Jesus, I know that my tongue is a fire. I surrender it to you to be crucified. Please forgive me of sins of the tongue. Please heal me, please transform me, please give me your new nature, that I would be transformed into your image by the power of your Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Be Transformed in Your Communication:
COMMUNICATION VERSES
2 Timothy 2:23
“. . . avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.”
Proverbs 18.6-7
“6 A fool’s lips enter into contention, And his mouth calls for blows.
7 A fool’s mouth is his destruction, And his lips are the snare of his soul.”
Proverbs 17.14
“The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.”
Proverbs 15:1
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” [repeat]
Psalm 34:12-14
“12 Who is the man who desires life, and loves many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”
DAVE'S FAVORITES
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD HOMEWORK
We said:
- Communication is a matter of the heart – yours
- We must be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath
Today, we are going to continue “Communication” in marriage by;
- Looking at the power of the tongue
- Looking at how to transform our communication
There is no part of your body that has power – equal to your tongue. Your tongue can bring life to your marriage, restore your marriage and it can bring death to your marriage, destroy your marriage.
Session 11 – Most Important Point
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 18:21
Each of us has been on the receiving end of the power of the tongue. Each of us has felt the pain, sometimes the long-term pain, of the power of someone’s tongue used against us. And hopefully we’ve felt the life and strength and restoration of the power of someone’s tongue used for good.
It is the way a person speaks to us that either draws us to them or repels us from them. If you anticipate words of blessing, you are drawn to that person. If you anticipate words of bitterness, you will often find ways to avoid that person.
Again, let me make this perfectly clear, the power of your tongue can heal, strengthen and restore your marriage OR it can slowly, methodically destroy your marriage.
James 3:2–4 (NLT)
2 Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.
If you can control your tongue, you can control your whole body (and life.) That’s the way it is in horses, and even in large ships.
3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth.
4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong.
Consider the Exxon Valdez
In 1989, the Exxon Valdez ran aground in Prince William Sound, Alaska. The pilot of the ship was careless with its tongue, and 11 million gallons of destruction and devastation was spilled over 1,300 miles of some of the most beautiful coastline in the world.
There was unbelievable pollution and damage, all caused by the uncontrolled tongue of one ship. This might well describe some of our marriages. The Captain of the Exxon Valdez tried to excuse himself from that devastation saying, “I was just careless,” but that Captain went to prison for the damage his ship’s tongue caused. And how he wishes he could take back his carelessness.
James says we have the exact same risk in our marriages if we do not crucify the deadly power of our tongue. Continuing in James 3:
James 3:5–6 (NLT)
5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.
6 And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.
A small flame of fire that can destroy all life in its path. And verse six says the tongue IS a fire, a fire that can set your whole life on fire… and it, itself, is set on fire by hell. Those are some pretty serious warnings about our tongue. We should be terrified at the potential damage our tongues can do.
James 3:7–8 (NLT)
7 People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish,
8 but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison.
Verse eight says “no one can tame the tongue” because its root is in your sin nature. And you, (in your own nature) don’t have the ability to tame the tongue.
So, you have one of two choices:
- You CRUCIFY the sin nature of your tongue – OR –
- You ALLOW IT to destroy all life in your marriage.
Just like the Exxon Valdez, you can allow your tongue to defile the coastline of your marriage with pollution.
So, what are we to do with this dangerous enemy between our teeth? We said this in our last message, and it bears repeating. The problem with our tongue doesn’t start in our mouth, it starts in our heart. So, first, we must make our heart right before God, because if we are harboring poison in our heart, pollution will spill out into our marriage and bring devastation to what God made to be beautiful.
We see this dilemma of the tongue as we continue in James. Our tongue has both the power to bless and bring life and the power to curse and bring death.
Our tongue has both the power to Bless and the power to Curse.
James 3:9–12 (NLT)
9 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God.
The biggest example:
- Coming to church = you’re cursing spouse and family
- In church, people are watching = you’re praising the Lord
- Going home from church = you’re cursing spouse and family
10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!
It’s not right! Something is not right here…
11 Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?
12 Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.
Translation = HYPOCRISY!! The underlying issue here is your heart, not your “performance” at church.
- Bitter words = Bitter heart
- Loving words = Loving heart
It is the condition of your heart causing bitter water and cursing to spring forth from the well that is between your teeth. How big of a deal is this? Look back up in James 1.
James 1:26 (NLT)
26 If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.
An Uncontrolled tongue = Useless Religion
This is a matter of your heart. And again, how do you know if your heart is right? By the words that are coming out of your mouth.
Proverbs 25.11 – A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
Proverbs 16:24 - Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
Proverbs 12.18 - . . . the tongue of the wise promotes health.
If the words coming out of your mouth are bringing life and health, you can know your heart is right with God. However, if the words coming out of your mouth are bringing death and destruction you can know your heart is not right with God.
TRANSFORMED COMMUNICATION
It is vital we accept the fact that our tongue reveals sin in our heart, because that’s how we know we need to be transformed. So, let’s look at what transformed communication looks like.
Ephesians 4:17–18 (NLT)
17 With the Lord’s authority I say this: Live (walk) no longer as the Gentiles (unbelievers) do, for they are hopelessly confused.
18 Their minds are full of darkness; they wander far from the life God gives because they have closed their minds and hardened their hearts against him.
Don’t live (direct your life) like an unbeliever having your mind darkened and being far from God. Most Christians who are polluting their marriages with their tongues are blind to the sinful condition of their heart, just like an unbeliever. First, we’ve got to recognize we’re acting like an unbeliever…
Now, Ephesians 4 turns to putting on the new life in Christ.
Ephesians 4:20–22 (NLT)
20 But that isn’t what you learned about Christ.
21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him,
22 throw off (crucify) your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.
To “throw off” (put off) is to “crucify your old sin nature.” HOW? By presenting your old sin nature to be consumed by God. (Romans 12:1) So verse 22 says “throw off (crucify) your old sinful nature and your former way of life…” and then Ephesians 4 says:
Ephesians 4:23 (NLT)
23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.
Get a renovation of your mind – be transformed. (Romans 12:1) And then Ephesians 4 continues:
Ephesians 4:24 (NLT)
24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.
There is the “PUT-OFF” “PUT-ON” theology of HOW to be transformed. You’ll then be able to say with Paul (Galatians 2:20) “it is no longer I who live – but Christ lives in me.”
- Throw off your old sinful nature
- Let the Holy Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes
- Put on your new nature
HOW??
There are very practical and very biblical steps to throwing off your old life, letting the Holy Spirit renew your mind and putting on the new life. I can tell you the key word is . . . DAILY !!
It’s about immersing yourself in the Spirit (walking in the Spirit) daily, so that you don’t fulfill the lusts of the flesh.
Galatians 5:16 (NLT)
16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves.
The simple answer to the “how?” is; we’ve got to learn how to let the Holy Spirit guide our lives (walk in the Spirit.) But we have to accept the word learn, - implies learning.
As we throw off the old life (repent/turn) and as we learn to let the Holy Spirit guide us, we will begin to put on the new life of Christ.
Learn to walk in the Spirit . . . learn to let the Holy Spirit guide your life.
Let me give you some real, practical guides to actually bringing transformation into your life.
RESOURCES
These three resources are all by Wayne Mack.
“A Christian Growth and Discipleship Manual”
“A Homework Manual for Biblical Living”
“God's Solutions to Life's Problems”
These are all very practical, daily guides to the “Put-Off, Put-On Transformation Theology” and we highly recommend anything by Wayne Mack.
Okay, now let’s look in Ephesians 4 right after Paul finishes the transformation process, in the very next verse he goes into the evidence of this new life, and the first thing he addresses is our communication.
Ephesians 4:25–27 (NLT)
25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.
26 And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry,
27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
We dealt with both last session.
- Speak the truth (what you’re really feeling) in love
- Your wrath is setting a welcoming place – for the devil.
Then, in verse 28, Paul deals with stealing and honesty. And then he goes right back into issues of the tongue.
Ephesians 4:29 (NLT)
29 Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Have you ever known a Christian with foul or abusive language coming out of their mouth? And the worst is the Christian who has pleasant and loving words for everyone else in the church, and then foul or abusive words for their spouse. That is a Christian who has not been transformed. We must esteem our spouse higher than all other person and we must be most careful with our words to them.
Again, verse 29 - Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful,
We’ve got to PUT OFF – foul and abusive and
We’ve got to PUT ON – good and helpful
We can be transformed to do exactly that. We can bring damage to our spouse like no one else with our foul and abusive words. We can build up and strengthen our spouse like no one else with words that are good and helpful.
Abusive language – is literally: foul or putrid words
Encouragement – is literally: to build up or strengthen
But HOW can we do that? What if they don’t deserve to be built up? How can we speak only what is good and helpful? The answer is…
BY IMPARTING GRACE . . .
Let’s look at Ephesians 4:29 in the ESV.
Ephesians 4:29 (ESV)
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace (NLT - encouragement) to those who hear.
Grace is giving your spouse what they do not deserve. It means literally, “unmerited favor” and it’s exactly what God has given you. In the same way you have received undeserved favor from God, you can impart “undeserved favor” to your spouse. Jesus Christ died to give you God’s grace (undeserved favor) and you must die to your “self” to give your spouse grace.
This is a foreign concept to our “self” nature and it’s exactly what we are called to do.
- When you have a right to be angry – instead be forgiving
- When you have a right to be offended – instead give mercy
- When you have a right to be unloving – instead give love
That is imparting grace. It’s giving your spouse what they do not deserve. Our words must always impart grace to our spouse.
What are the consequences if we do not speak this way?
Ephesians 4:30 (NLT)
30 And do not bring sorrow to (grieve) God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live . . .
We need to be very clear on this: If corrupt words are proceeding out of our mouth, we are grieving the Holy Spirit. The word “grieve” means “to make sorrowful, or to offend.” When we are offending the Holy Spirit, we are separated from him, and there are consequences in our spiritual life. If you feel separated from God, you may want to check the words that are coming out of your mouth, because that might explain why you feel distant.
Ephesians 4:31 (NLT)
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.
These are all sins of communication. Six sins that will destroy your marriage
Bitterness – A bitter root, which produces a bitter fruit
Rage – Outbursts of anger
Anger – Exhibited in punishment
Harsh words – A verbal brawl
Slander –To injure by speech
Evil behavior – A desire to injure
Do you have a bitter root in your heart that leads to outbursts of anger, which are exhibited in punishment leading to verbal brawls where you end up causing injury by your speech? These are the sins of your heart that come out of your mouth.
God is able to forgive you and to heal you of them . . .
If you will come to him in repentance:
- Presenting the totality of your ‘self’ to be consumed by him,
- To be transformed by the renewing of your mind,
- In order to put on the new nature of Christ.
And how will you know when that has happened?
When you are living out the next verse in Ephesians 4:
Ephesians 4:32 (NLT)
32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
- When you are kind to your spouse when they don’t deserve it
- When you are tender-hearted when they are hard hearted
- When you forgive them just as God in Christ has forgiven you
Then you have been truly transformed by the Spirit of the Living God! And it really can happen in each of our marriages.
Psalm 34:12–14 (NLT)
12 Does anyone want to live a life that is long and prosperous?
13 Then keep your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from telling lies!
14 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
RESPONSE TIME . . .
- From 0% to 100% – what percentage of the time do you feel YOU are blessing and edifying your spouse in your communication?
- From 0% to 100% – what percentage of the time do you feel YOUR SPOUSE is blessing and edifying you in their communication?
Please compare your answers with your spouse . . .
- Do you need to be transformed in your communication with your spouse?
Let’s Pray: “Dear Lord Jesus, I know that my tongue is a fire. I surrender it to you to be crucified. Please forgive me of sins of the tongue. Please heal me, please transform me, please give me your new nature, that I would be transformed into your image by the power of your Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”
Be Transformed in Your Communication:
- Begin by crucifying your ‘self’ and dealing with sin in your own heart,
- Then renew your mind by the power of the Holy Spirit,
- Then put on the new nature of Christ in your communication.
COMMUNICATION VERSES
2 Timothy 2:23
“. . . avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.”
Proverbs 18.6-7
“6 A fool’s lips enter into contention, And his mouth calls for blows.
7 A fool’s mouth is his destruction, And his lips are the snare of his soul.”
Proverbs 17.14
“The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.”
Proverbs 15:1
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” [repeat]
Psalm 34:12-14
“12 Who is the man who desires life, and loves many days, that he may see good?
13 Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit.
14 Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”
DAVE'S FAVORITES
- Communication is a matter of YOUR heart – make it right before God.
- Bitterness, anger and unforgiveness are sins – deal with them as such.
- When you’re wrong, admit it – confess, repent, and ask forgiveness.
- Institute daily couch time – 15 minutes a day of real communicating.
- Pray for one another sometime during every difficult conversation. The closer it gets to an argument; the more critical immediate prayer is.
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