Help, I've Been Offended
Colossians 3:12-17 (Audio Only)
In preparing for this message, I listened to a message on the same subject I taught nine years ago. It was a reminder message for the church of the foundation we had laid about how critically important it was for the church to live in unity and harmony. I referred to our “Foundation for Leadership” scripture that all leaders were required to study thoroughly, Colossians 3:12-17, an incredible text that summarizes what it takes for Christians to live in harmony and unity.
We laid that foundation firm in 2001 and we constantly reminded the church of it in 2002 and 2003. And in 2004 we experienced a series of interpersonal, relationship conflicts that almost took this church out – permanently. The enemy capitalized so much on these offenses, there is still fallout from those early conflict years, nine years ago.
In my opinion, offense and conflict in the church is the enemy’s number one method for taking out individual Christians and take out the effectiveness of entire churches, disempowering them. But what amazed me then and what amazes me today is the number of Christians (including myself) who know what the Bible says about offense and conflict but who still get so easily taken out by it, you would think we had never opened a Bible. So, today, I want to ask us all to make a commitment to allow God to show us the mirror. This message is not about them – this message is about us.
Say that with me – “This message is about ME!!” This message is about our role when we are offended in the Church.
Jesus taught a lot on how our vertical and horizontal relationships impact one another, and here’s what we know, especially from the New Testament teaching.
1). Our relationship with God is EVIDENCED (Displayed) by how we handle our relationships with others.
2). Our relationship with God is AFFECTED (Impacted) by how we handle our relationships with others.
And so, because this is such an important area to get right, and because we so often get it wrong, I just want to survey today, how we can actually handle “being offended in the Church” and how we can actually bring glory to God in the way we handle “being offended in the Church.”
Generally, what we do in “offense in the Church” is one of two things. We either run, or we attack. And really, the Christian specialty is run and attack. We run from the Church, and then we attack the Church to other people. So, we both escape the offense and we do the devil’s work by attacking the Church. That’s the common Christian response, but I want to show you how you can actually glorify God in “offense.”
And what I want to do today is sell you a book by a true reconciliation professional (not me). Ken Sande is the president of “Peacemaker” ministries and the author of the foundational book, “The Peacemaker.” But that in-depth (thick) guide was re-written last year into a smaller version called, “Resolving Everyday Conflict.” I really, really encourage every Christian who will ever face offense in the Church (which means every Christian) to get a copy of this book. Or, if you want to be a real serious “student” of peacemaking, you can get the larger version. Both are by Ken Sande. You can get their ministry information at peacemaker.net. (Singular, not plural.)
I didn’t know about Ken Sande or the Peacemaker Ministries back when offense almost destroyed this church, and I had no one around me wise enough (or strong enough) to get these truths into my life. I wish I would’ve had this knowledge and commitment back then because there would’ve been a lot more glorifying God and a lot fewer enemies made.
Please listen carefully today, and let’s all make a commitment to making these four steps to peacemaking a very real part of our Christian life. Here they are.
1). Glorify God
2). Get the Log Out of Our Own Eye
3). Gently Restore
4). Go and Be Reconciled
Let’s survey all four today.
1). Glorify God
It’s amazing how mature Christians (including leaders) so quickly leave God on the shelf when they’ve been offended. If you don’t have someone around you to point that out to you, you will naturally gather people around you who will fuel your sinful fire. Generally, we toss God aside and we respond in our own nature.
We’re not concerned with glorifying God; we’re concerned with how we feel. We’ve been hurt, we’ve been wronged. Our natural response is to think about numero uno, number one, me, myself, and I. And that power of self-interest, even in mature Christians, often keeps God sidelined during an offense, or we justify our self-focus with God’s Word.
We manage to use the Bible to defend our feelings, our anger, and our response, but very seldom is our first and foremost thought, “How am I going to glorify God in this situation?” But that is exactly what our first and foremost thought must be. If you are saved today, your number one purpose in life is to glorify God – to bring him glory.
1 Corinthians 10:31 (ESV)
31 …or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Colossians 3:17 (ESV)
17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,…
When we find ourselves on the receiving end of an offense, one of the most valuable things we can do is to just stop! And ask ourselves, “How can I bring glory to God in this situation?”
Now, many Christians don’t really know what that means to, “bring glory to God.”
Bringing glory to God is us manifesting (displaying) God’s nature and his character in our life.
When we act (respond) in God’s character and not our own, that “brings glory to God.”
So, when we respond in mercy, grace, compassion, and wisdom, those are God’s character traits and that brings glory to God. And when people around you see you respond that way, they will give glory to God, because they know it’s not natural. In every matter of offense or conflict, we’ve got to continually ask ourselves, how can I glorify God in this situation. How can I honor God? How can I display the life of Christ in me?
Often, what we really need is a Christian more mature than us to give us insight and point us in the right direction, and what we don’t really need is someone who will agree with us no matter how ungodly or unbiblical we’re acting.
Ken Sande’s book Resolving Everyday Conflict has some great examples of how you can bring glory to God right in the midst of being offended in the Church. But still, when you experience offense in the Church, having a mature Christian to guide you biblically is crucial. And always remember, tell yourself a thousand times, your highest goal is to imitate God and bring him glory.
Ephesians 5:1-2 (ESV)
1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.
2 And walk in love (order your steps), as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us,
…be imitators of God… What are you talking about, God? Do you want me to act like you? Yes!! That’s why he’s offered to crucify your self-life and allow you to live by faith in the Son of God, who loves you and died for you, and who’s living inside you, and who will take control, and who will fill you every day with the power of the Holy Spirit so that you can act like God.
In my nature, that’s impossible. I need the power of God living inside of me to do that.
1). Glorify God
2). Get The Log Out Of Your Own Eye
We have got to own our part of every offense we’re involved in. When we’ve been offended, our nature is to focus (obsess) on what that other person has done, and that is the problem. Our natural focus is on that other person and that’s the exact opposite of what Jesus calls us to.
Matthew 7:3-5 (ESV)
3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?
5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
This is such a critical need in every single offense. How is it that we think that a telephone pole sticking out of our eye is actually a magnifying glass that enables us to see a speck of sawdust in that other person’s eye? And man, if a telephone pole becomes a magnifying glass, then I have met some Christians with the Hubble Telescope in their eye.
“Hey man, is that the Hubble Telescope sticking out of your eye?” “Yep, I can see a speck of dust in another Christian’s eye from a thousand miles away…”
Guys, please listen. We have got to see our own sin and see our own failures first, and only then can we attempt to help someone else with theirs. And, by the way, Jesus isn’t saying that we shouldn’t help someone else with their own sins. He’s saying that first, we’ve got to realize that our sin is just as bad or worse before we help them with theirs. And if you say you have no role in an offense then that statement proves your role. We’ve got to judge our own actions.
What ROLE has our ATTITUDE played in this offense?
What ROLE have our ACTIONS play in this offense?
Psalm 139:23-24 (ESV)
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!
Ask God to reveal it, then take responsibility for it. Admit it, acknowledge it, confess it. This is another place we often need a spiritual mentor to help us. Someone who can suggest how we may be able to see that log that Jesus says we already have sticking out of our eye. And if you have the courage to read Ken Sande’s book, “Resolving Everyday Conflict” he will give you more details. We need to take responsibility for our role. We need to own it, and we need to confess it to God… and ultimately we need to confess it to that other person.
1). Glorify God
2). Get The Log Out of Our Own Eye
3). Gently Restore
Often, after truly seeking to glorify God, and after dealing with the log in our own eye… often we’ll find there’s no real reason to even address the issue with the other person. But there IS a time when we are called to address an offense with the other person.
Galatians 6:1 (NLT)
1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.
…if another believer is overcome… The picture, in the Greek, is “tangled in a web.” It’s like they’re just caught up, they’re just tangled up in it, they don’t even know they’re being like that. Go gently (the opposite of harsh) and humbly.
If you have truly taken the first two steps (Glorify God, Get log out of own eye), hopefully with the help of a spiritual mentor, then you need to pray God would make a way for you to gently and humbly approach the person who’s offended you… being very careful how you handle it so that you don’t become the offender instead of the offended.
And remember, our goal is to glorify God, and our concern is for that person – not ourselves. We’re not defending ourselves, or retaliating in any way, our goal is to help that person in their walk with the Lord.
James 5:20 (NKJV)
20 …he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.
But this “turning” a sinner from his way must be done gently, humbly, and in love. This is not harsh judging; it’s lovingly addressing an action. Again, a mature spiritual mentor should be a required pre-requisite for this step.
And finally, the famous Matthew 18 verse 15:
Matthew 18:15 (ESV)
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Guys, Matthew18 is primarily about love and forgiveness. The NET Bible correctly titles this section, “Restoring Christian Relationship.”
The paraphrase, The Message says,
Matthew 18:15 (MSG)
15 “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend…
Matthew 18 is not about condemning judgment. It’s about restoring Christian relationships when at all possible. There is a time when we must go to that other person. But we have got to go gently, humbly and in love – and after first addressing our own sin in this matter.
And I promise you if you will go to someone and say, “Listen, please. I’m truly sorry for how I’ve handled this situation. My attitude has been wrong, my actions have been wrong. Please forgive me.” Most often, almost always that other person will respond in that same spirit. Most often they’ll say, “No, actually, it was my attitude and my actions that were wrong, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
If you need more on how to go about this, go to amazon.com and buy “Resolving Everyday Conflict” by Ken Sande.
But, let me say one other thing… you must go in person. No texting, tweeting, emailing, Facebooking, Googl+-ing, Morse coding, Carrier pigeoning. You must GO – in person.
And there are exceptions to the gently restore rule. There are times when you should not approach a person and should not try to restore them. But I don’t have time to get into the exceptions. Either talk to me later – or get the book.
1). Glorify God
2). Get The Log Out Of Our Own Eye
3). Gently Restore
4). Go And Be Reconciled
One of the absolute hardest verses in the New Testament regarding offense is in Matthew 5 verses 23 and 24. These verses are part of the larger context of anger and Jesus is using extreme language (hyperbole) to make his point, and he does make his point here, very clearly.
Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV)
23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,
26 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
In an extreme way, Jesus makes it clear how important it is that we do all we can to be reconciled with other Believers. This is the ultimate goal in all normal matters of offense. And guys, any reconciliation after an offense in the Church will only come through God’s divine forgiveness. True reconciliation after an offense cannot occur without God’s miraculous gift of forgiveness.
Ken Sande says,
“Christians are the most forgiven people in the world. Therefore, we should be the most forgiving people in the world.”
Many times, in the New Testament, it is made perfectly clear, we are to forgive in the same way as we have been forgiven. And three times, Jesus makes it clear, that our forgiving of others has a direct impact on how our Heavenly Father offers us forgiveness.
Here’s a definition.
Ken Sande
“Divine forgiveness is a radical decision not to hold an offense against the offender. It means to release a person from punishment or penalty.”
Divine forgiveness is always required for true reconciliation after an offense, and us withholding God’s divine forgiveness is one of the surest ways there is to our spiritual death. Many people have been credited with this saying, “Unforgiveness is the poison we drink ourselves hoping that others will die.”
There are two sides to this divine forgiveness. One side is completely between you and God. This is your forgiveness and release of an offense to God, and this does not depend on the other person at all. This part of divine forgiveness frees you from bitterness and resentment, and bondage from the offense. But, the other side of divine forgiveness that leads to reconciliation does involve the other person. This side is when there is real confession, and repentance, and divine forgiveness – usually on the part of both parties, and that is when we see the super miracle of full reconciliation.
There’s so much more that needs to be said about the reconciliation step. But let me just add this one thing… Sometimes you can truly go through all the steps and still have the other person refuse reconciliation. But… your responsibility is your heart and your actions. And God calls you to always be willing to reach out to that other person for reconciliation.
You can find a couple of messages called, “Divine Forgiveness” on our website at wordbymail.com under the “Teaching” tab, or on the wordbymail phone app.
But God knows it takes two to be reconciled.
That’s why in Romans 18 it says very clearly,
Romans 12:18 (ESV)
18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Guys, we need to learn more about these critical truths. I pray Calvary Chapel Nuevo would be a safe harbor of unity, harmony, and reconciliation. And that is why I have been encouraging you to buy the book, “Resolving Everyday Conflicts” by Ken Sande. And don’t just use it as a coaster for your large Dr. Pepper. Read it, study it, put it to the test, with someone else.
And one more thing, we cannot do this on our own. There’s not enough TRY in us.
We’ve got to crucify that idol of self-interest.
We’ve got to surrender our rights.
We’ve got to be transformed by the power of God.
And, as we fully surrender to Jesus Christ – daily
And as we live filled with the Holy Spirit – daily
We will begin to walk in the Spirit, and not fulfill the natural desires of the flesh (that war with the spirit). Let’s surrender this to God and ask him to transform us, and then, by the life of Christ in us, let’s step out and do what he calls us to do – in his power and for his glory.
We laid that foundation firm in 2001 and we constantly reminded the church of it in 2002 and 2003. And in 2004 we experienced a series of interpersonal, relationship conflicts that almost took this church out – permanently. The enemy capitalized so much on these offenses, there is still fallout from those early conflict years, nine years ago.
In my opinion, offense and conflict in the church is the enemy’s number one method for taking out individual Christians and take out the effectiveness of entire churches, disempowering them. But what amazed me then and what amazes me today is the number of Christians (including myself) who know what the Bible says about offense and conflict but who still get so easily taken out by it, you would think we had never opened a Bible. So, today, I want to ask us all to make a commitment to allow God to show us the mirror. This message is not about them – this message is about us.
Say that with me – “This message is about ME!!” This message is about our role when we are offended in the Church.
Jesus taught a lot on how our vertical and horizontal relationships impact one another, and here’s what we know, especially from the New Testament teaching.
1). Our relationship with God is EVIDENCED (Displayed) by how we handle our relationships with others.
2). Our relationship with God is AFFECTED (Impacted) by how we handle our relationships with others.
And so, because this is such an important area to get right, and because we so often get it wrong, I just want to survey today, how we can actually handle “being offended in the Church” and how we can actually bring glory to God in the way we handle “being offended in the Church.”
Generally, what we do in “offense in the Church” is one of two things. We either run, or we attack. And really, the Christian specialty is run and attack. We run from the Church, and then we attack the Church to other people. So, we both escape the offense and we do the devil’s work by attacking the Church. That’s the common Christian response, but I want to show you how you can actually glorify God in “offense.”
And what I want to do today is sell you a book by a true reconciliation professional (not me). Ken Sande is the president of “Peacemaker” ministries and the author of the foundational book, “The Peacemaker.” But that in-depth (thick) guide was re-written last year into a smaller version called, “Resolving Everyday Conflict.” I really, really encourage every Christian who will ever face offense in the Church (which means every Christian) to get a copy of this book. Or, if you want to be a real serious “student” of peacemaking, you can get the larger version. Both are by Ken Sande. You can get their ministry information at peacemaker.net. (Singular, not plural.)
I didn’t know about Ken Sande or the Peacemaker Ministries back when offense almost destroyed this church, and I had no one around me wise enough (or strong enough) to get these truths into my life. I wish I would’ve had this knowledge and commitment back then because there would’ve been a lot more glorifying God and a lot fewer enemies made.
Please listen carefully today, and let’s all make a commitment to making these four steps to peacemaking a very real part of our Christian life. Here they are.
1). Glorify God
2). Get the Log Out of Our Own Eye
3). Gently Restore
4). Go and Be Reconciled
Let’s survey all four today.
1). Glorify God
It’s amazing how mature Christians (including leaders) so quickly leave God on the shelf when they’ve been offended. If you don’t have someone around you to point that out to you, you will naturally gather people around you who will fuel your sinful fire. Generally, we toss God aside and we respond in our own nature.
We’re not concerned with glorifying God; we’re concerned with how we feel. We’ve been hurt, we’ve been wronged. Our natural response is to think about numero uno, number one, me, myself, and I. And that power of self-interest, even in mature Christians, often keeps God sidelined during an offense, or we justify our self-focus with God’s Word.
We manage to use the Bible to defend our feelings, our anger, and our response, but very seldom is our first and foremost thought, “How am I going to glorify God in this situation?” But that is exactly what our first and foremost thought must be. If you are saved today, your number one purpose in life is to glorify God – to bring him glory.
1 Corinthians 10:31 (ESV)
31 …or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Colossians 3:17 (ESV)
17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus,…
When we find ourselves on the receiving end of an offense, one of the most valuable things we can do is to just stop! And ask ourselves, “How can I bring glory to God in this situation?”
Now, many Christians don’t really know what that means to, “bring glory to God.”
Bringing glory to God is us manifesting (displaying) God’s nature and his character in our life.
When we act (respond) in God’s character and not our own, that “brings glory to God.”
So, when we respond in mercy, grace, compassion, and wisdom, those are God’s character traits and that brings glory to God. And when people around you see you respond that way, they will give glory to God, because they know it’s not natural. In every matter of offense or conflict, we’ve got to continually ask ourselves, how can I glorify God in this situation. How can I honor God? How can I display the life of Christ in me?
Often, what we really need is a Christian more mature than us to give us insight and point us in the right direction, and what we don’t really need is someone who will agree with us no matter how ungodly or unbiblical we’re acting.
Ken Sande’s book Resolving Everyday Conflict has some great examples of how you can bring glory to God right in the midst of being offended in the Church. But still, when you experience offense in the Church, having a mature Christian to guide you biblically is crucial. And always remember, tell yourself a thousand times, your highest goal is to imitate God and bring him glory.
Ephesians 5:1-2 (ESV)
1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.
2 And walk in love (order your steps), as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us,
…be imitators of God… What are you talking about, God? Do you want me to act like you? Yes!! That’s why he’s offered to crucify your self-life and allow you to live by faith in the Son of God, who loves you and died for you, and who’s living inside you, and who will take control, and who will fill you every day with the power of the Holy Spirit so that you can act like God.
In my nature, that’s impossible. I need the power of God living inside of me to do that.
1). Glorify God
2). Get The Log Out Of Your Own Eye
We have got to own our part of every offense we’re involved in. When we’ve been offended, our nature is to focus (obsess) on what that other person has done, and that is the problem. Our natural focus is on that other person and that’s the exact opposite of what Jesus calls us to.
Matthew 7:3-5 (ESV)
3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye?
5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
This is such a critical need in every single offense. How is it that we think that a telephone pole sticking out of our eye is actually a magnifying glass that enables us to see a speck of sawdust in that other person’s eye? And man, if a telephone pole becomes a magnifying glass, then I have met some Christians with the Hubble Telescope in their eye.
“Hey man, is that the Hubble Telescope sticking out of your eye?” “Yep, I can see a speck of dust in another Christian’s eye from a thousand miles away…”
Guys, please listen. We have got to see our own sin and see our own failures first, and only then can we attempt to help someone else with theirs. And, by the way, Jesus isn’t saying that we shouldn’t help someone else with their own sins. He’s saying that first, we’ve got to realize that our sin is just as bad or worse before we help them with theirs. And if you say you have no role in an offense then that statement proves your role. We’ve got to judge our own actions.
What ROLE has our ATTITUDE played in this offense?
What ROLE have our ACTIONS play in this offense?
Psalm 139:23-24 (ESV)
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!
Ask God to reveal it, then take responsibility for it. Admit it, acknowledge it, confess it. This is another place we often need a spiritual mentor to help us. Someone who can suggest how we may be able to see that log that Jesus says we already have sticking out of our eye. And if you have the courage to read Ken Sande’s book, “Resolving Everyday Conflict” he will give you more details. We need to take responsibility for our role. We need to own it, and we need to confess it to God… and ultimately we need to confess it to that other person.
1). Glorify God
2). Get The Log Out of Our Own Eye
3). Gently Restore
Often, after truly seeking to glorify God, and after dealing with the log in our own eye… often we’ll find there’s no real reason to even address the issue with the other person. But there IS a time when we are called to address an offense with the other person.
Galatians 6:1 (NLT)
1 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.
…if another believer is overcome… The picture, in the Greek, is “tangled in a web.” It’s like they’re just caught up, they’re just tangled up in it, they don’t even know they’re being like that. Go gently (the opposite of harsh) and humbly.
If you have truly taken the first two steps (Glorify God, Get log out of own eye), hopefully with the help of a spiritual mentor, then you need to pray God would make a way for you to gently and humbly approach the person who’s offended you… being very careful how you handle it so that you don’t become the offender instead of the offended.
And remember, our goal is to glorify God, and our concern is for that person – not ourselves. We’re not defending ourselves, or retaliating in any way, our goal is to help that person in their walk with the Lord.
James 5:20 (NKJV)
20 …he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.
But this “turning” a sinner from his way must be done gently, humbly, and in love. This is not harsh judging; it’s lovingly addressing an action. Again, a mature spiritual mentor should be a required pre-requisite for this step.
And finally, the famous Matthew 18 verse 15:
Matthew 18:15 (ESV)
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Guys, Matthew18 is primarily about love and forgiveness. The NET Bible correctly titles this section, “Restoring Christian Relationship.”
The paraphrase, The Message says,
Matthew 18:15 (MSG)
15 “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend…
Matthew 18 is not about condemning judgment. It’s about restoring Christian relationships when at all possible. There is a time when we must go to that other person. But we have got to go gently, humbly and in love – and after first addressing our own sin in this matter.
And I promise you if you will go to someone and say, “Listen, please. I’m truly sorry for how I’ve handled this situation. My attitude has been wrong, my actions have been wrong. Please forgive me.” Most often, almost always that other person will respond in that same spirit. Most often they’ll say, “No, actually, it was my attitude and my actions that were wrong, and I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
If you need more on how to go about this, go to amazon.com and buy “Resolving Everyday Conflict” by Ken Sande.
But, let me say one other thing… you must go in person. No texting, tweeting, emailing, Facebooking, Googl+-ing, Morse coding, Carrier pigeoning. You must GO – in person.
And there are exceptions to the gently restore rule. There are times when you should not approach a person and should not try to restore them. But I don’t have time to get into the exceptions. Either talk to me later – or get the book.
1). Glorify God
2). Get The Log Out Of Our Own Eye
3). Gently Restore
4). Go And Be Reconciled
One of the absolute hardest verses in the New Testament regarding offense is in Matthew 5 verses 23 and 24. These verses are part of the larger context of anger and Jesus is using extreme language (hyperbole) to make his point, and he does make his point here, very clearly.
Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV)
23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,
26 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
In an extreme way, Jesus makes it clear how important it is that we do all we can to be reconciled with other Believers. This is the ultimate goal in all normal matters of offense. And guys, any reconciliation after an offense in the Church will only come through God’s divine forgiveness. True reconciliation after an offense cannot occur without God’s miraculous gift of forgiveness.
Ken Sande says,
“Christians are the most forgiven people in the world. Therefore, we should be the most forgiving people in the world.”
Many times, in the New Testament, it is made perfectly clear, we are to forgive in the same way as we have been forgiven. And three times, Jesus makes it clear, that our forgiving of others has a direct impact on how our Heavenly Father offers us forgiveness.
Here’s a definition.
Ken Sande
“Divine forgiveness is a radical decision not to hold an offense against the offender. It means to release a person from punishment or penalty.”
Divine forgiveness is always required for true reconciliation after an offense, and us withholding God’s divine forgiveness is one of the surest ways there is to our spiritual death. Many people have been credited with this saying, “Unforgiveness is the poison we drink ourselves hoping that others will die.”
There are two sides to this divine forgiveness. One side is completely between you and God. This is your forgiveness and release of an offense to God, and this does not depend on the other person at all. This part of divine forgiveness frees you from bitterness and resentment, and bondage from the offense. But, the other side of divine forgiveness that leads to reconciliation does involve the other person. This side is when there is real confession, and repentance, and divine forgiveness – usually on the part of both parties, and that is when we see the super miracle of full reconciliation.
There’s so much more that needs to be said about the reconciliation step. But let me just add this one thing… Sometimes you can truly go through all the steps and still have the other person refuse reconciliation. But… your responsibility is your heart and your actions. And God calls you to always be willing to reach out to that other person for reconciliation.
You can find a couple of messages called, “Divine Forgiveness” on our website at wordbymail.com under the “Teaching” tab, or on the wordbymail phone app.
But God knows it takes two to be reconciled.
That’s why in Romans 18 it says very clearly,
Romans 12:18 (ESV)
18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
Guys, we need to learn more about these critical truths. I pray Calvary Chapel Nuevo would be a safe harbor of unity, harmony, and reconciliation. And that is why I have been encouraging you to buy the book, “Resolving Everyday Conflicts” by Ken Sande. And don’t just use it as a coaster for your large Dr. Pepper. Read it, study it, put it to the test, with someone else.
And one more thing, we cannot do this on our own. There’s not enough TRY in us.
We’ve got to crucify that idol of self-interest.
We’ve got to surrender our rights.
We’ve got to be transformed by the power of God.
And, as we fully surrender to Jesus Christ – daily
And as we live filled with the Holy Spirit – daily
We will begin to walk in the Spirit, and not fulfill the natural desires of the flesh (that war with the spirit). Let’s surrender this to God and ask him to transform us, and then, by the life of Christ in us, let’s step out and do what he calls us to do – in his power and for his glory.