Creating a Husband and Wife
Session 2
Chapter 2
Creating A Husband And Wife
Pastor Dave Shepardson, wordbymail.com
Welcome back to God's Design for Marriage - Session 2.
REVIEW
Let's begin with a review of the last session. Remember that the problem will never be that God can't strengthen, heal, and restore our marriages. The problem will most often be that our self-will stands in the way. Most often, when we find ourselves in opposition to God's design, it will be because we've chosen self-will over God's will.
SELF-WILL is the problem - GOD'S WILL is the answer
If self-will over God's will is the problem, then the answer must be to crucify our self-will and walk in God's will. So, let’s start this session with a big-picture truth about how we crucify self-will and walk in God's will.
The process of crucifying self-will and walking in God's will is:
That is how a Christian is transformed, and that is how a Christian marriage is transformed. As we learn to surrender to Jesus Christ as our Lord and to daily walk in the power of the Holy Spirit, then God will transform us from a self-willed life to a God-willed life, and the result of us being transformed will be a transformed marriage.
A daily surrender to Jesus Christ as our Lord and a daily walk in the power of the Holy Spirit brings transformation.
Romans 12:2 (ESV): Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
We’ll discuss this daily surrender and walking in the Holy Spirit often as we go through these sessions. I just wanted to introduce it to you here.
THIS SESSION
In this session, we're heading to the key scripture we'll be using for much of this study. It's in Genesis chapter 2, but before we get to our key scripture, we have to get the context of where our key scripture fits in creation.
Genesis chapters 2 and 3 are an expansion of the creation events listed in chapter 1. They take us through the details of the creation of mankind and the fall. So, let's start with a list of creation from Genesis chapter 1, and we'll see how that leads up to our key verse on marriage. In this list, notice that God said It was good after every part of creation.
God's Creation Design
Gen 1:4 – God made the light and said, It was good.
Gen 1:10 – God made the seas and the land and said, It was good.
Gen 1:12 – God made grass, plants, and trees and said, It was good.
Gen 1:18 – God made the sun and the moon and said, It was good.
Gen 1:20 – God made sea creatures and birds and said, It was good.
Gen 1:24 – God made the land animals and said, It was good.
Gen 1:26 - God made Man and placed him in the Garden of Eden.
Gen 2:18 – for the first time in the creation record, God says, It is NOT good.
For the first time in the creation process, when God created Adam, he said something was NOT good. Does that mean God made a mistake and fixed it when he made Eve? No. God said it was not good because God was not finished yet. Mankind was a work in progress, and only half of mankind was created so far. Let's read the entire verse:
Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
18 Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.
Look at those words, just right. The ESV says fit for him (as in fit together). The NKJV says comparable to him. The Hebrew word here means, most literally, according to the opposite. Have you ever heard the phrase opposites attract? I think the ESV comes closest to the picture of what this word means when it says, I will make a helper fit for him.
The best picture I can give you of this word that means, according to the opposite, is how a puzzle is made. Where the puzzle is cut out, the piece is cut in, and where the puzzle is cut in, the piece is cut out. So, the two pieces fit perfectly when the puzzle and piece are put together. That is an excellent picture of how God made man and woman. And that likely is how God made you and your spouse to fit together.
When we talk about God making a companion that is just right or ‘fit’ for us, we're talking about a puzzle that is just right for the piece and a piece that is just right for the puzzle. You're going to see this come alive in just a minute. But first, God had to show Adam that no other companion fit him. So, God brings all the animals to Adam for him to name them, and in the process, God proves his puzzle and piece design to Adam.
Genesis 2:19–20 (NLT)
19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one.
20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
There's that phrase again - just right. That's the same Hebrew word we looked at in verse 18, meaning how a puzzle and a piece fit together. God was proving to Adam his need for a just right companion - one made to fit him perfectly. Naming all the animals proved this to Adam.
Finishing the Design Work for Mankind
So now God would finish His design work for mankind and watch carefully for how Adam got his wife. First, God is going to render Adam unconscious. And while Adam was unconscious, God formed Adam's wife just right for him (to fit him). Then God brought Adam's wife to him – all while he was unconscious! Some people think God still often uses this same approach with men today.
Genesis 2:21–22 (NLT)
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the opening.
22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
This is the Creator of marriage at work - and here's how He does it:
1) He takes Adam out of the picture
2) He forms Adam's wife to perfectly fit him
3) He brings his wife to him
Here are the questions we must consider and answer today, 1) Is God still powerful enough to do this today?
And then, we have to make that question personal, 2) Do you believe God is powerful enough to have created you and your spouse to fit just right together?
And then, finally, a question about God’s sovereign ability in your life, 3) Do you believe God is sovereign enough to bring you the just right spouse that He created for you?
If you are having problems in your marriage right now, you might be thinking, Yes, God is powerful enough, but maybe He made a mistake with us. But remember, we’re talking about God's sovereignty and omnipotence here. We’re talking about God's absolute ability to work within your circumstances and choices and still bring about His good plan.
I’m not asking you how you feel. I'm not asking you about the details of your present situation. I'm not asking you about decisions you've made or actions you’ve taken in the past. I'm asking you what you believe about God! God's design for marriage is absolutely founded on what you believe about God. And so, the questions are about what you believe!
Our free will and God's sovereign power are both at work in our lives, and I realize this is a complicated discussion. And I realize there are issues of sinful choices, non-believers, and especially issues of abuse that must be individually addressed. And let me say here, we never recommend someone stay in an abusive environment. I’m not saying we recommend divorce, but we never recommend someone stay in an abusive environment. I know events, issues, and specifics must be discussed in each situation. But right now, I’m asking you what you believe about God?
Okay, keep that puzzle and piece picture in your mind, and let's look at another key phrase in verse 21.
Genesis 2:21 (NLT)
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the opening.
Why did God take out a piece of the man to make the woman? Was God all out of dirt? God created man from dirt. God created the animals from dirt. Why didn't God create the woman from dirt?
The Hebrew word here for took out means, most literally, to carve out, to leave something missing. In a very intentional action, God carved out a piece of man to purposefully leave something missing from him. And God did it so that Adam and Eve would not be complete without the other. The puzzle is not complete without the piece, and the piece is not complete without the puzzle. That is the miraculous design of God to fully complete mankind.
The same God who perfectly designed the first husband and wife to fit one another just right can perfectly design you and your spouse to fit one another just right.
So, after naming all the animals and realizing there was no fit for him, when Adam saw Eve, we read in Genesis 2:22-23,
Genesis 2:22-23 (NLT)
22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
23 At last! The man exclaimed. This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! (she's my 'missing piece') She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken from 'man.'
Adam immediately understood that Eve fit Him. He knew she had been custom-designed for Him. And here again, we see that phrase taken from man, meaning Adam understood that God had left a void in him that only the wife God gave him could fill. So, Adam exclaims at last! Here is my missing piece! That is how God designed a husband and wife to fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle, both incomplete without the other.
RESPONSE TIME
Now that we have the whole creation picture, let's respond to one another. I realize this may be difficult for some because you may not know if you believe God is able to do this or not. So please, don’t just give the answer you know is right. Or the answer you know you should give. Discussing this with your spouse is better than just giving the expected answer. So, I’m going to give you the question, then you look directly at your spouse, & respond. And if you can, restate the question as a commitment.
& remember, the question is not, Are you currently fitting just right together? This question is about whether you believe God is able?
QUESTION #1
Do you believe God is able to have created you and your spouse to fit just right together? _______________
And In this second question, again, I'm not asking you if your marriage seems right or if it seems like you fit together right now. I'm asking if you believe God is able to do it.
QUESTION #2
Do you believe God is able to have brought you the 'just right spouse He created to fit you? _______________
For the rest of this series, we will be talking about what God is able to do in your marriage. But, if you don't believe God is able, you will leave this series with the same marriage you came in with.
And so, finally . . .
Our Foundation Verse for God's Design for Marriage
Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
24 Therefore . . .
That's an important word - THEREFORE... It means,
Genesis 2:24 says (ESV)
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
This is how God designed marriage. A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave (hold fast) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Which is pictured perfectly in the puzzle and piece illustration. That is God's design. It is difficult for me to convey the extreme importance of this one verse in understanding God's design for marriage. This is the foundation verse for this entire study. And by the way, although it says a man must leave and cleave, it also applies equally to the woman.
There must be leaving and cleaving on both parts for the two to become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 is called the Genesis Command for Marriage. The command is, leave - cleave - become one flesh.
SESSION TWO M.I.P. (MOST IMPORTANT POINT)
Every major problem you will ever face in your marriage can be traced back to some conflict with these three commands in Genesis 2:24: leave, cleave, become one flesh.
I promise you, in every significant marital problem, someone is not leaving or cleaving, and the by-product is that they are not becoming one flesh. And so, that marriage is disjointed, dysfunctional, and missing out on the greatest blessing of God in marriage. Which is becoming one flesh.
Becoming one flesh is a love relationship so deep, pure, and intimate that it is patterned after the supernatural union of Jesus Christ and the Church. He is our Bridegroom, and we are His Bride. God's miraculous design for your marriage is for you and your spouse to become one flesh, and the process of how to do that is laid out in Genesis 2:24.
Let me give you some support for just how big this verse is.
Dr. Ed Wheat, an MD and marriage counselor who's written numerous books on Biblical marriage, says this,
Genesis 2:24 remains the most concise and comprehensive counseling session ever presented on marriage . . . These 22 words sum up the entire teaching of scripture on marriage. All else that is said emphasizes or amplifies the 3 fundamental principles that originated here but never changes them in the slightest . . . any real problem you face in marriage will come from ignoring some aspect of God's Genesis commandment.
Bob Hoekstra, a respected authority on Biblical counseling - says this in his Family God's Way series,
Violating the principles in this verse cause most marriage problems. If either spouse does not entirely do this, there is a time-bomb ticking, and if not corrected, it will eventually bring disaster.
Remember the M.I.P from SESSION ONE
The refusal to crucify self-will is at the root of EVERY marriage problem.
In this crucial verse (Genesis 2:24), we have, in a practical sense, how the root of all marriage problems shows itself. The root of self-will shows itself in 1) someone not leaving, someone or something, or 2) someone not cleaving to their spouse for some reason. And the result will be that they are not becoming one flesh, at least in some areas. And if you are not becoming one flesh in any area of your marriage, you will have problems because you will be in conflict with God's design. And you will continue to have difficulties until your self-will is crucified and until you allow God to make you one flesh in that specific area.
REVIEW
In this session, we have done two things:
1) We've seen how God created a husband and wife to fit just right together
2) We've seen the foundation for how God designed our marriages to work, leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh
I want to close this session by asking each of you to pray for your marriage. I’d like you to take a moment to carefully look at Genesis 2:24 and absorb it. Then, I'd like each of you to pray for your marriage, according to Genesis 2:24. I realize this may be difficult, but please do your best.
Here is the guide for your prayer:
Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Read it, absorb it for a minute, then face each other, look at this verse, and use it to guide your prayer for your marriage.
Father God, thank you for helping us do the hard things. Thank you for being powerful and sovereign and desiring to strengthen and restore our marriages. Please give us the courage to do hard things for our marriage. Give us the courage to be challenged by your Word and be convicted to pray together. Inspire us, Lord, to crucify our self-will and to choose your will alone for our marriage. In your name, Jesus, Amen.
And now, here is your homework for this week . . .
The Creation of Husband and Wife
Session 2 - Homework # 1
SCRIPTURE: Gen 2:18-24 Date _______________
PRAY - Slow Down. Pray together. Pray for one another (each one praying for the other). Ask God to reveal to you how He has created each of you.
LISTEN
Read Gen 2:18. Each one of you read it out loud. Talk about the puzzle and the piece illustration from this session.
THINK
We used the definition “fit just right” by combining the ESV and the NLT versions. Remember, we said the original means “according to the opposite.” Discuss these questions together and write your responses.
How do you think you are fitting just right together?
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Do you recognize that you must be opposites (to some extent) to fit “just right” together?
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What conflicts has being opposites created in your marriage?
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What commitments can you make to one another to better “fit together” as opposites?
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LISTEN
Read Gen 2:21-23 together slowly, thinking (and talking) about the puzzle and the piece illustration.
THINK
Make this personal to your marriage. Think back on how God brought you together. Look for His hand orchestrating your marriage. Write about it.
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What does this understanding of God “creating” you as a puzzle and a piece cause you to re-think about your marriage? What different perspective does it give you on your marriage?
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PRAY
Make sure you each share your feelings about these verses and concepts. Then, pray together about what you’ve discussed.
Living Sacrifice
Session 2 - Homework # 2
SCRIPTURE: Rom 12:1-2 Date ______________
PRAY - Slow Down. Pray together. Ask God to speak to you through His Word.
LISTEN
Read Rom 12:1-2 carefully. Read it out loud, and talk a bit about it. If possible, read it from two different Bible versions.
NOTE: The word “body” in verse 1 is referring to “all your members and faculties (AMP).” The MSG calls it “your everyday, ordinary life.” It’s more than your physical body; it’s the totality of your life.
NOTE: The end of verse 1 can be translated as either; “your spiritual worship” or “your reasonable service.”
THINK
Look at Rom 12:1 one more time, considering the 2 notes above. Discuss with your spouse what this means and how you may be able to better accomplish this in your marriage.
How can we better present our lives to God in our marriage?
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What is keeping us from doing this?
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THINK
Do the same thing with verse 2. Re-read verse 2 considering the following notes;
NOTE: “be transformed” speaks of receiving a totally new nature.
NOTE: The word “renewing” means “a full renovation,” like a complete renovation of your house. First, you tear everything old out, right down to the bare walls. Then, you install everything new. A complete renovation.
NOTE: If you’re reading NKJV, the word “prove” means; “to know, or discern, by testing a thing.”
Discuss with your spouse how this verse could be applied in your marriage.
Are you allowing God to transform you by the renewing of your mind?
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What steps can you take together to see God continue transforming and renewing you together?
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PRAY
Complete surrender of your life to God is your only hope for a transformed marriage. Pray about this together. Write down the highlights of your prayer.
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Creating A Husband And Wife
Pastor Dave Shepardson, wordbymail.com
Welcome back to God's Design for Marriage - Session 2.
REVIEW
Let's begin with a review of the last session. Remember that the problem will never be that God can't strengthen, heal, and restore our marriages. The problem will most often be that our self-will stands in the way. Most often, when we find ourselves in opposition to God's design, it will be because we've chosen self-will over God's will.
SELF-WILL is the problem - GOD'S WILL is the answer
If self-will over God's will is the problem, then the answer must be to crucify our self-will and walk in God's will. So, let’s start this session with a big-picture truth about how we crucify self-will and walk in God's will.
The process of crucifying self-will and walking in God's will is:
- Our daily surrender to Jesus Christ as our Lord
- Our daily walking in the power of the Holy Spirit
That is how a Christian is transformed, and that is how a Christian marriage is transformed. As we learn to surrender to Jesus Christ as our Lord and to daily walk in the power of the Holy Spirit, then God will transform us from a self-willed life to a God-willed life, and the result of us being transformed will be a transformed marriage.
A daily surrender to Jesus Christ as our Lord and a daily walk in the power of the Holy Spirit brings transformation.
Romans 12:2 (ESV): Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
We’ll discuss this daily surrender and walking in the Holy Spirit often as we go through these sessions. I just wanted to introduce it to you here.
THIS SESSION
In this session, we're heading to the key scripture we'll be using for much of this study. It's in Genesis chapter 2, but before we get to our key scripture, we have to get the context of where our key scripture fits in creation.
Genesis chapters 2 and 3 are an expansion of the creation events listed in chapter 1. They take us through the details of the creation of mankind and the fall. So, let's start with a list of creation from Genesis chapter 1, and we'll see how that leads up to our key verse on marriage. In this list, notice that God said It was good after every part of creation.
God's Creation Design
Gen 1:4 – God made the light and said, It was good.
Gen 1:10 – God made the seas and the land and said, It was good.
Gen 1:12 – God made grass, plants, and trees and said, It was good.
Gen 1:18 – God made the sun and the moon and said, It was good.
Gen 1:20 – God made sea creatures and birds and said, It was good.
Gen 1:24 – God made the land animals and said, It was good.
Gen 1:26 - God made Man and placed him in the Garden of Eden.
Gen 2:18 – for the first time in the creation record, God says, It is NOT good.
For the first time in the creation process, when God created Adam, he said something was NOT good. Does that mean God made a mistake and fixed it when he made Eve? No. God said it was not good because God was not finished yet. Mankind was a work in progress, and only half of mankind was created so far. Let's read the entire verse:
Genesis 2:18 (NLT)
18 Then the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.
Look at those words, just right. The ESV says fit for him (as in fit together). The NKJV says comparable to him. The Hebrew word here means, most literally, according to the opposite. Have you ever heard the phrase opposites attract? I think the ESV comes closest to the picture of what this word means when it says, I will make a helper fit for him.
The best picture I can give you of this word that means, according to the opposite, is how a puzzle is made. Where the puzzle is cut out, the piece is cut in, and where the puzzle is cut in, the piece is cut out. So, the two pieces fit perfectly when the puzzle and piece are put together. That is an excellent picture of how God made man and woman. And that likely is how God made you and your spouse to fit together.
When we talk about God making a companion that is just right or ‘fit’ for us, we're talking about a puzzle that is just right for the piece and a piece that is just right for the puzzle. You're going to see this come alive in just a minute. But first, God had to show Adam that no other companion fit him. So, God brings all the animals to Adam for him to name them, and in the process, God proves his puzzle and piece design to Adam.
Genesis 2:19–20 (NLT)
19 So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one.
20 He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him.
There's that phrase again - just right. That's the same Hebrew word we looked at in verse 18, meaning how a puzzle and a piece fit together. God was proving to Adam his need for a just right companion - one made to fit him perfectly. Naming all the animals proved this to Adam.
Finishing the Design Work for Mankind
So now God would finish His design work for mankind and watch carefully for how Adam got his wife. First, God is going to render Adam unconscious. And while Adam was unconscious, God formed Adam's wife just right for him (to fit him). Then God brought Adam's wife to him – all while he was unconscious! Some people think God still often uses this same approach with men today.
Genesis 2:21–22 (NLT)
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the opening.
22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
This is the Creator of marriage at work - and here's how He does it:
1) He takes Adam out of the picture
2) He forms Adam's wife to perfectly fit him
3) He brings his wife to him
Here are the questions we must consider and answer today, 1) Is God still powerful enough to do this today?
And then, we have to make that question personal, 2) Do you believe God is powerful enough to have created you and your spouse to fit just right together?
And then, finally, a question about God’s sovereign ability in your life, 3) Do you believe God is sovereign enough to bring you the just right spouse that He created for you?
If you are having problems in your marriage right now, you might be thinking, Yes, God is powerful enough, but maybe He made a mistake with us. But remember, we’re talking about God's sovereignty and omnipotence here. We’re talking about God's absolute ability to work within your circumstances and choices and still bring about His good plan.
I’m not asking you how you feel. I'm not asking you about the details of your present situation. I'm not asking you about decisions you've made or actions you’ve taken in the past. I'm asking you what you believe about God! God's design for marriage is absolutely founded on what you believe about God. And so, the questions are about what you believe!
Our free will and God's sovereign power are both at work in our lives, and I realize this is a complicated discussion. And I realize there are issues of sinful choices, non-believers, and especially issues of abuse that must be individually addressed. And let me say here, we never recommend someone stay in an abusive environment. I’m not saying we recommend divorce, but we never recommend someone stay in an abusive environment. I know events, issues, and specifics must be discussed in each situation. But right now, I’m asking you what you believe about God?
Okay, keep that puzzle and piece picture in your mind, and let's look at another key phrase in verse 21.
Genesis 2:21 (NLT)
21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the opening.
Why did God take out a piece of the man to make the woman? Was God all out of dirt? God created man from dirt. God created the animals from dirt. Why didn't God create the woman from dirt?
The Hebrew word here for took out means, most literally, to carve out, to leave something missing. In a very intentional action, God carved out a piece of man to purposefully leave something missing from him. And God did it so that Adam and Eve would not be complete without the other. The puzzle is not complete without the piece, and the piece is not complete without the puzzle. That is the miraculous design of God to fully complete mankind.
The same God who perfectly designed the first husband and wife to fit one another just right can perfectly design you and your spouse to fit one another just right.
So, after naming all the animals and realizing there was no fit for him, when Adam saw Eve, we read in Genesis 2:22-23,
Genesis 2:22-23 (NLT)
22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.
23 At last! The man exclaimed. This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! (she's my 'missing piece') She will be called 'woman,' because she was taken from 'man.'
Adam immediately understood that Eve fit Him. He knew she had been custom-designed for Him. And here again, we see that phrase taken from man, meaning Adam understood that God had left a void in him that only the wife God gave him could fill. So, Adam exclaims at last! Here is my missing piece! That is how God designed a husband and wife to fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle, both incomplete without the other.
RESPONSE TIME
Now that we have the whole creation picture, let's respond to one another. I realize this may be difficult for some because you may not know if you believe God is able to do this or not. So please, don’t just give the answer you know is right. Or the answer you know you should give. Discussing this with your spouse is better than just giving the expected answer. So, I’m going to give you the question, then you look directly at your spouse, & respond. And if you can, restate the question as a commitment.
& remember, the question is not, Are you currently fitting just right together? This question is about whether you believe God is able?
QUESTION #1
Do you believe God is able to have created you and your spouse to fit just right together? _______________
And In this second question, again, I'm not asking you if your marriage seems right or if it seems like you fit together right now. I'm asking if you believe God is able to do it.
QUESTION #2
Do you believe God is able to have brought you the 'just right spouse He created to fit you? _______________
For the rest of this series, we will be talking about what God is able to do in your marriage. But, if you don't believe God is able, you will leave this series with the same marriage you came in with.
And so, finally . . .
Our Foundation Verse for God's Design for Marriage
Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
24 Therefore . . .
That's an important word - THEREFORE... It means,
- Because of everything that's gone into God's design
- Because of how God created man and woman
- Because of God's plan and purpose for marriage
Genesis 2:24 says (ESV)
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
This is how God designed marriage. A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave (hold fast) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Which is pictured perfectly in the puzzle and piece illustration. That is God's design. It is difficult for me to convey the extreme importance of this one verse in understanding God's design for marriage. This is the foundation verse for this entire study. And by the way, although it says a man must leave and cleave, it also applies equally to the woman.
There must be leaving and cleaving on both parts for the two to become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24 is called the Genesis Command for Marriage. The command is, leave - cleave - become one flesh.
SESSION TWO M.I.P. (MOST IMPORTANT POINT)
Every major problem you will ever face in your marriage can be traced back to some conflict with these three commands in Genesis 2:24: leave, cleave, become one flesh.
I promise you, in every significant marital problem, someone is not leaving or cleaving, and the by-product is that they are not becoming one flesh. And so, that marriage is disjointed, dysfunctional, and missing out on the greatest blessing of God in marriage. Which is becoming one flesh.
Becoming one flesh is a love relationship so deep, pure, and intimate that it is patterned after the supernatural union of Jesus Christ and the Church. He is our Bridegroom, and we are His Bride. God's miraculous design for your marriage is for you and your spouse to become one flesh, and the process of how to do that is laid out in Genesis 2:24.
Let me give you some support for just how big this verse is.
Dr. Ed Wheat, an MD and marriage counselor who's written numerous books on Biblical marriage, says this,
Genesis 2:24 remains the most concise and comprehensive counseling session ever presented on marriage . . . These 22 words sum up the entire teaching of scripture on marriage. All else that is said emphasizes or amplifies the 3 fundamental principles that originated here but never changes them in the slightest . . . any real problem you face in marriage will come from ignoring some aspect of God's Genesis commandment.
Bob Hoekstra, a respected authority on Biblical counseling - says this in his Family God's Way series,
Violating the principles in this verse cause most marriage problems. If either spouse does not entirely do this, there is a time-bomb ticking, and if not corrected, it will eventually bring disaster.
Remember the M.I.P from SESSION ONE
The refusal to crucify self-will is at the root of EVERY marriage problem.
In this crucial verse (Genesis 2:24), we have, in a practical sense, how the root of all marriage problems shows itself. The root of self-will shows itself in 1) someone not leaving, someone or something, or 2) someone not cleaving to their spouse for some reason. And the result will be that they are not becoming one flesh, at least in some areas. And if you are not becoming one flesh in any area of your marriage, you will have problems because you will be in conflict with God's design. And you will continue to have difficulties until your self-will is crucified and until you allow God to make you one flesh in that specific area.
REVIEW
In this session, we have done two things:
1) We've seen how God created a husband and wife to fit just right together
2) We've seen the foundation for how God designed our marriages to work, leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh
I want to close this session by asking each of you to pray for your marriage. I’d like you to take a moment to carefully look at Genesis 2:24 and absorb it. Then, I'd like each of you to pray for your marriage, according to Genesis 2:24. I realize this may be difficult, but please do your best.
Here is the guide for your prayer:
Genesis 2:24 (ESV)
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast (cleave) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Read it, absorb it for a minute, then face each other, look at this verse, and use it to guide your prayer for your marriage.
Father God, thank you for helping us do the hard things. Thank you for being powerful and sovereign and desiring to strengthen and restore our marriages. Please give us the courage to do hard things for our marriage. Give us the courage to be challenged by your Word and be convicted to pray together. Inspire us, Lord, to crucify our self-will and to choose your will alone for our marriage. In your name, Jesus, Amen.
And now, here is your homework for this week . . .
The Creation of Husband and Wife
Session 2 - Homework # 1
SCRIPTURE: Gen 2:18-24 Date _______________
PRAY - Slow Down. Pray together. Pray for one another (each one praying for the other). Ask God to reveal to you how He has created each of you.
LISTEN
Read Gen 2:18. Each one of you read it out loud. Talk about the puzzle and the piece illustration from this session.
THINK
We used the definition “fit just right” by combining the ESV and the NLT versions. Remember, we said the original means “according to the opposite.” Discuss these questions together and write your responses.
How do you think you are fitting just right together?
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Do you recognize that you must be opposites (to some extent) to fit “just right” together?
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What conflicts has being opposites created in your marriage?
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What commitments can you make to one another to better “fit together” as opposites?
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LISTEN
Read Gen 2:21-23 together slowly, thinking (and talking) about the puzzle and the piece illustration.
THINK
Make this personal to your marriage. Think back on how God brought you together. Look for His hand orchestrating your marriage. Write about it.
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What does this understanding of God “creating” you as a puzzle and a piece cause you to re-think about your marriage? What different perspective does it give you on your marriage?
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PRAY
Make sure you each share your feelings about these verses and concepts. Then, pray together about what you’ve discussed.
Living Sacrifice
Session 2 - Homework # 2
SCRIPTURE: Rom 12:1-2 Date ______________
PRAY - Slow Down. Pray together. Ask God to speak to you through His Word.
LISTEN
Read Rom 12:1-2 carefully. Read it out loud, and talk a bit about it. If possible, read it from two different Bible versions.
NOTE: The word “body” in verse 1 is referring to “all your members and faculties (AMP).” The MSG calls it “your everyday, ordinary life.” It’s more than your physical body; it’s the totality of your life.
NOTE: The end of verse 1 can be translated as either; “your spiritual worship” or “your reasonable service.”
THINK
Look at Rom 12:1 one more time, considering the 2 notes above. Discuss with your spouse what this means and how you may be able to better accomplish this in your marriage.
How can we better present our lives to God in our marriage?
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What is keeping us from doing this?
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THINK
Do the same thing with verse 2. Re-read verse 2 considering the following notes;
NOTE: “be transformed” speaks of receiving a totally new nature.
NOTE: The word “renewing” means “a full renovation,” like a complete renovation of your house. First, you tear everything old out, right down to the bare walls. Then, you install everything new. A complete renovation.
NOTE: If you’re reading NKJV, the word “prove” means; “to know, or discern, by testing a thing.”
Discuss with your spouse how this verse could be applied in your marriage.
Are you allowing God to transform you by the renewing of your mind?
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What steps can you take together to see God continue transforming and renewing you together?
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PRAY
Complete surrender of your life to God is your only hope for a transformed marriage. Pray about this together. Write down the highlights of your prayer.
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