The Divorce Teaching We Hate
Mark 10:1-12
Message #35
Divorce is always the result of sin. There are always sinful actions and sinful attitudes that lead to divorce. Sometimes it is primarily the sin of one spouse, but often divorce is the result of some sin on the part of both spouses.
But, if you have been divorced, please hear me. You are not a second-class Christian because there is forgiveness for sin.
There is forgiveness for sin, but God does not allow sin. This statement has a lot to do with our subject today. There is forgiveness for sin, but God does not allow sin – which means, in many cases, God does not allow divorce.
I don’t know if there is any subject in all the teaching of Jesus that is questioned and challenged as often as the subject of divorce and remarriage is, and that is the subject we look at today.
Last week, we looked at some hard warnings from Jesus. Our message was “Clear and Present Warnings,” and we made a commitment to not justify and not explain away the very clear warnings that Jesus delivered in Mark Chapter 9.
This means we also cannot justify or explain away the clear and present warning about divorce that is in our verses today.
And listen, I know many of us already have our explanation ready for this subject. Some of us have heard the exceptions and justifications so much that even before Jesus speaks, we’ve already got our defense statement prepared and ready to deliver.
But, can we please lay all that aside for a few minutes and just truly and sincerely hear what Jesus has to say about this incredibly central part of our life with him? Okay?
So, we left Jesus dropping jaws and leaving people speechless with some very graphic warnings about us cutting off sin in our lives. And so, it seems only right for Mark to continue in that theme in the next verses. So, we start in Mark 10:1.
Mark 10:1 (NLT)
1 Then Jesus left Capernaum and went down to the region of Judea and into the area east of the Jordan River. Once again crowds gathered around him, and as usual he was teaching them.
So, Jesus, the twelve Disciples, and the group that traveled with him all left Capernaum (his home town in Galilee) and headed south. And now Jesus is on his way, ultimately, to Jerusalem and the cross (just as he said). He is past Samaria but east of the Jordan River in what is today the country of Jordan.
And verse 1 says, as usual, the crowds were gathered around him, and he was teaching them. And then read Mark 10:2,
Mark 10:2 (NLT)
2 Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”
Notice their goal – they tried to trap him, and literally, the end of the verse is, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? And in response, we read in Mark 10:3,
Mark 10:3 (NLT)
3 (teachers take note) Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?”
Jesus asks the Pharisees the question in order to reveal their heart, and it did reveal their heart, and we see it in Mark 10:4.
Mark 10:4 (NLT)
4 “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”
What the Pharisees are referring to and what so much of the Christian world has “adopted” is actually a side note – a parenthesis – to all of God’s teaching on marriage. It’s in Deuteronomy 24:1, and it was actually written specifically for the wife’s benefit and for her safety. Deuteronomy 24:1 says if a husband is going to send his wife away, he must give her a certificate of divorce so that she can be married again, and so that the community would know that she did not commit adultery because the penalty for adultery was death.
And in verse 5, Jesus makes it perfectly clear why Moses wrote this “side note” regarding marriage.
Mark 10:5 (NLT)
5 But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to (or because of) your hard hearts.
Jesus is saying this was not part of God’s Plan for Marriage. Moses wrote this as a concession (a side note) to God’s plan because of the hardness of your heart.
God knew the heart of man, so he wrote a “safety clause” for the wife. But this was never part of God’s Plan for Marriage.
And Jesus makes that clear starting in Mark 10:6.
Mark 10:6 (NLT)
6 But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation.
In response to the Pharisees bringing up this side note of divorce in the law, Jesus goes over Moses’ head to the very purpose of God in creation. Jesus says, yeah, Moses had to address your hard heart – for your wife’s benefit. But God designed us for marriage (male and female) from the beginning of creation. And as we go on, we see verse 6 is a clear introduction to the fact that God created us male and female for the purpose of the marriage relationship. And we see it in Mark 10:7-8(a).
Mark 10:7–8(a) (NLT)
7 ‘This (the fact that God created us male and female – verse 6) explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, 8 and the two are united into one.’ . . .
God’s creation design explains why divorce was never part of God’s plan for marriage.
This is the foundation of Jesus’ answer to the question about divorce. God created us male and female with the marriage relationship in mind, and God’s plan for the marriage relationship is for us to be joined together – two, miraculously united into one. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ . . .
And then, the end of verse 8 and into verse 9 makes it clear, these two individuals are no longer two individuals, and because these two individuals are no longer two individuals, no one should attempt to get them to be two individuals again.
Mark 10:8(b) - 9 (NLT)
8 . . . Since they are no longer two but one, 9 let no one split apart (or tear apart) what God has joined together.”
First, look closely here at what caused these previously two individuals to no longer be two individuals. God caused them to no longer be two individuals, right? God has joined them together (made them one).
I don’t think the word “joined” is really big enough for us. We might think like maybe a “knot.” Tie the knot – untie the knot. (And some people think, “I’m just going to tie a slip knot.”) That is not what joined together means.
The word means to make two permanently into one. (It's like welding - permanently putting two pieces of metal together. When you try to remove them, the metal breaks but not at the weld, which is the strongest part of those two pieces of metal.) Which is why Mark 10:9 says (literally) let no one [TEAR] apart what GOD has [made one]. You cannot untie this knot. You can only try to tear apart what God made to never be torn apart, and then cannot be done without significant damage occurring, and almost always, it is not just damaging to the two that God had made one. There is (almost always) significant collateral damage to innocent bystanders.
Guys, divorce is never part of God’s plan. Divorce happens and is sometimes truly required. But it is not God’s plan, and it is not God’s will. God is present in a divorce, and God has promised to be at work in a divorce. But divorce is not a part of God’s plan or God’s will. Malachi 2:16 says, “God HATES divorce.”
God’s plan and God’s will is that two lives would be miraculously transformed into one flesh.
And guys, we’ve got to start our conversations about marriage by embracing this truth about God and divorce. We cannot start our conversations about divorce with the explanations and exceptions and defenses that many of us have heard so often.
And so, moving on in our text (as was often the case), the Disciples got to hear more from Jesus when they got back to the house. So, we continue in Mark 10:10.
Mark 10:10 (NLT)
10 Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again.
Just as it is today, this was such a “hot issue” that the Disciples wanted more information and we can tell what they were looking for by the further instruction Jesus gives them, and this is where it gets heavy.
Mark 10:11-12 (NLT)
11 He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her.
12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”
The Disciples obviously wanted to know about remarriage after divorce. But I promise you; this was not the information they were expecting. This is a radically serious warning about divorce and remarriage.
And we hate these verses because they are a radically serious warning about divorce and remarriage.
And because we hate these verses, we spend a ton of time talking about the exceptions to these verses. And Jesus did give one exception, and Paul gave one and possibly two exceptions.
But is there a chance that we’re a bit too quick to jump to the exceptions? Shouldn’t we just allow the weight of these verses to press down on us some?
We can’t just blow these verses off. We can’t just “talk” them away. Yes – there are some exceptions. But what Jesus is trying to say is God’s plan for marriage is permanent, and God’s view of divorce is much more serious than we generally think it is.
I know this is hard to take. I know there is often more discussion that needs to take place. But what Jesus is saying here is that it is possible for you to think you’ve untied the knot of marriage when God still sees you as married. If you take a hard look at verses 11-12, that’s what you see.
It seems to me, Jesus is referring to a situation where a person thinks they are no longer married, but God still sees them as married. And, if that is the case in God’s eyes, then when you try to become one flesh with a new person, God calls it adultery.
Verses 11-12 are a radical warning, which is why this is The Divorce Teaching We Hate.
So, what exceptions to these verses can we actually find in scripture? The big one is in Matthew Chapter 19. It’s Matthew’s account of the same teaching.
Matthew 19:9 (NLT)
9 And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.
This is the big exception. The case of one spouse committing adultery. But even then, Jesus doesn’t demand divorce; he only allows it. And he allows it because, in the Old Testament, the consequence of adultery was death – and death would then allow the innocent spouse to remarry. So, although not required, adultery gives you the right to divorce.
Then, in 1 Corinthians Chapter 7, we have Paul’s exception (or exceptions). This exception comes as a parenthesis in the middle of a teaching on being married to an unbelieving spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:15 (NLT)
15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.)
So, that’s pretty clear. And then, coming from this teaching in 1 Corinthians 7, there is a case to be made that divorces that occurred while you were an unbeliever fall under this same exception.
So, only three exceptions (to the warning in Mark Chapter 10) that we clearly see in scripture.
1). Adultery
2). Unbelieving spouse divorces you
3). You were an Unbeliever when you divorced a spouse
4). (we add) Immediate REMOVAL from abuse situation
Other than for these exceptions, divorce could put you in a really difficult spot with God because verses 11-12 of Mark 10 are a really, really serious warning.
And so, what do you do if you’ve already made a serious error in this area of your life? You confess and repent. You acknowledge your sin to God and ask him to forgive you, and if possible, acknowledge your sin to others that you’ve hurt and ask them to forgive you.
1 John 1:9–10 (NLT)
9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
10 (But) If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.
If you have made a sinful decision in this critical area of your life, confess your sin to God and repent. God is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. He can pick you up and set your feet on the rock and restore you to a right relationship with him because our God is a faithful, merciful, forgiving God.
But please, we should never mistake God’s mercy and forgiveness for God condoning our sinful choices. God’s Word is true, and the warnings are there to help keep us from ushering destruction into our lives.
But, if you have been divorced, please hear me. You are not a second-class Christian because there is forgiveness for sin.
There is forgiveness for sin, but God does not allow sin. This statement has a lot to do with our subject today. There is forgiveness for sin, but God does not allow sin – which means, in many cases, God does not allow divorce.
I don’t know if there is any subject in all the teaching of Jesus that is questioned and challenged as often as the subject of divorce and remarriage is, and that is the subject we look at today.
Last week, we looked at some hard warnings from Jesus. Our message was “Clear and Present Warnings,” and we made a commitment to not justify and not explain away the very clear warnings that Jesus delivered in Mark Chapter 9.
This means we also cannot justify or explain away the clear and present warning about divorce that is in our verses today.
And listen, I know many of us already have our explanation ready for this subject. Some of us have heard the exceptions and justifications so much that even before Jesus speaks, we’ve already got our defense statement prepared and ready to deliver.
But, can we please lay all that aside for a few minutes and just truly and sincerely hear what Jesus has to say about this incredibly central part of our life with him? Okay?
So, we left Jesus dropping jaws and leaving people speechless with some very graphic warnings about us cutting off sin in our lives. And so, it seems only right for Mark to continue in that theme in the next verses. So, we start in Mark 10:1.
Mark 10:1 (NLT)
1 Then Jesus left Capernaum and went down to the region of Judea and into the area east of the Jordan River. Once again crowds gathered around him, and as usual he was teaching them.
So, Jesus, the twelve Disciples, and the group that traveled with him all left Capernaum (his home town in Galilee) and headed south. And now Jesus is on his way, ultimately, to Jerusalem and the cross (just as he said). He is past Samaria but east of the Jordan River in what is today the country of Jordan.
And verse 1 says, as usual, the crowds were gathered around him, and he was teaching them. And then read Mark 10:2,
Mark 10:2 (NLT)
2 Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?”
Notice their goal – they tried to trap him, and literally, the end of the verse is, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? And in response, we read in Mark 10:3,
Mark 10:3 (NLT)
3 (teachers take note) Jesus answered them with a question: “What did Moses say in the law about divorce?”
Jesus asks the Pharisees the question in order to reveal their heart, and it did reveal their heart, and we see it in Mark 10:4.
Mark 10:4 (NLT)
4 “Well, he permitted it,” they replied. “He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away.”
What the Pharisees are referring to and what so much of the Christian world has “adopted” is actually a side note – a parenthesis – to all of God’s teaching on marriage. It’s in Deuteronomy 24:1, and it was actually written specifically for the wife’s benefit and for her safety. Deuteronomy 24:1 says if a husband is going to send his wife away, he must give her a certificate of divorce so that she can be married again, and so that the community would know that she did not commit adultery because the penalty for adultery was death.
And in verse 5, Jesus makes it perfectly clear why Moses wrote this “side note” regarding marriage.
Mark 10:5 (NLT)
5 But Jesus responded, “He wrote this commandment only as a concession to (or because of) your hard hearts.
Jesus is saying this was not part of God’s Plan for Marriage. Moses wrote this as a concession (a side note) to God’s plan because of the hardness of your heart.
God knew the heart of man, so he wrote a “safety clause” for the wife. But this was never part of God’s Plan for Marriage.
And Jesus makes that clear starting in Mark 10:6.
Mark 10:6 (NLT)
6 But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation.
In response to the Pharisees bringing up this side note of divorce in the law, Jesus goes over Moses’ head to the very purpose of God in creation. Jesus says, yeah, Moses had to address your hard heart – for your wife’s benefit. But God designed us for marriage (male and female) from the beginning of creation. And as we go on, we see verse 6 is a clear introduction to the fact that God created us male and female for the purpose of the marriage relationship. And we see it in Mark 10:7-8(a).
Mark 10:7–8(a) (NLT)
7 ‘This (the fact that God created us male and female – verse 6) explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, 8 and the two are united into one.’ . . .
God’s creation design explains why divorce was never part of God’s plan for marriage.
This is the foundation of Jesus’ answer to the question about divorce. God created us male and female with the marriage relationship in mind, and God’s plan for the marriage relationship is for us to be joined together – two, miraculously united into one. ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ . . .
And then, the end of verse 8 and into verse 9 makes it clear, these two individuals are no longer two individuals, and because these two individuals are no longer two individuals, no one should attempt to get them to be two individuals again.
Mark 10:8(b) - 9 (NLT)
8 . . . Since they are no longer two but one, 9 let no one split apart (or tear apart) what God has joined together.”
First, look closely here at what caused these previously two individuals to no longer be two individuals. God caused them to no longer be two individuals, right? God has joined them together (made them one).
I don’t think the word “joined” is really big enough for us. We might think like maybe a “knot.” Tie the knot – untie the knot. (And some people think, “I’m just going to tie a slip knot.”) That is not what joined together means.
The word means to make two permanently into one. (It's like welding - permanently putting two pieces of metal together. When you try to remove them, the metal breaks but not at the weld, which is the strongest part of those two pieces of metal.) Which is why Mark 10:9 says (literally) let no one [TEAR] apart what GOD has [made one]. You cannot untie this knot. You can only try to tear apart what God made to never be torn apart, and then cannot be done without significant damage occurring, and almost always, it is not just damaging to the two that God had made one. There is (almost always) significant collateral damage to innocent bystanders.
Guys, divorce is never part of God’s plan. Divorce happens and is sometimes truly required. But it is not God’s plan, and it is not God’s will. God is present in a divorce, and God has promised to be at work in a divorce. But divorce is not a part of God’s plan or God’s will. Malachi 2:16 says, “God HATES divorce.”
God’s plan and God’s will is that two lives would be miraculously transformed into one flesh.
And guys, we’ve got to start our conversations about marriage by embracing this truth about God and divorce. We cannot start our conversations about divorce with the explanations and exceptions and defenses that many of us have heard so often.
And so, moving on in our text (as was often the case), the Disciples got to hear more from Jesus when they got back to the house. So, we continue in Mark 10:10.
Mark 10:10 (NLT)
10 Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again.
Just as it is today, this was such a “hot issue” that the Disciples wanted more information and we can tell what they were looking for by the further instruction Jesus gives them, and this is where it gets heavy.
Mark 10:11-12 (NLT)
11 He told them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her.
12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery.”
The Disciples obviously wanted to know about remarriage after divorce. But I promise you; this was not the information they were expecting. This is a radically serious warning about divorce and remarriage.
And we hate these verses because they are a radically serious warning about divorce and remarriage.
And because we hate these verses, we spend a ton of time talking about the exceptions to these verses. And Jesus did give one exception, and Paul gave one and possibly two exceptions.
But is there a chance that we’re a bit too quick to jump to the exceptions? Shouldn’t we just allow the weight of these verses to press down on us some?
We can’t just blow these verses off. We can’t just “talk” them away. Yes – there are some exceptions. But what Jesus is trying to say is God’s plan for marriage is permanent, and God’s view of divorce is much more serious than we generally think it is.
I know this is hard to take. I know there is often more discussion that needs to take place. But what Jesus is saying here is that it is possible for you to think you’ve untied the knot of marriage when God still sees you as married. If you take a hard look at verses 11-12, that’s what you see.
It seems to me, Jesus is referring to a situation where a person thinks they are no longer married, but God still sees them as married. And, if that is the case in God’s eyes, then when you try to become one flesh with a new person, God calls it adultery.
Verses 11-12 are a radical warning, which is why this is The Divorce Teaching We Hate.
So, what exceptions to these verses can we actually find in scripture? The big one is in Matthew Chapter 19. It’s Matthew’s account of the same teaching.
Matthew 19:9 (NLT)
9 And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.
This is the big exception. The case of one spouse committing adultery. But even then, Jesus doesn’t demand divorce; he only allows it. And he allows it because, in the Old Testament, the consequence of adultery was death – and death would then allow the innocent spouse to remarry. So, although not required, adultery gives you the right to divorce.
Then, in 1 Corinthians Chapter 7, we have Paul’s exception (or exceptions). This exception comes as a parenthesis in the middle of a teaching on being married to an unbelieving spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:15 (NLT)
15 (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the believing husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.)
So, that’s pretty clear. And then, coming from this teaching in 1 Corinthians 7, there is a case to be made that divorces that occurred while you were an unbeliever fall under this same exception.
So, only three exceptions (to the warning in Mark Chapter 10) that we clearly see in scripture.
1). Adultery
2). Unbelieving spouse divorces you
3). You were an Unbeliever when you divorced a spouse
4). (we add) Immediate REMOVAL from abuse situation
Other than for these exceptions, divorce could put you in a really difficult spot with God because verses 11-12 of Mark 10 are a really, really serious warning.
And so, what do you do if you’ve already made a serious error in this area of your life? You confess and repent. You acknowledge your sin to God and ask him to forgive you, and if possible, acknowledge your sin to others that you’ve hurt and ask them to forgive you.
1 John 1:9–10 (NLT)
9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
10 (But) If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts.
If you have made a sinful decision in this critical area of your life, confess your sin to God and repent. God is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. He can pick you up and set your feet on the rock and restore you to a right relationship with him because our God is a faithful, merciful, forgiving God.
But please, we should never mistake God’s mercy and forgiveness for God condoning our sinful choices. God’s Word is true, and the warnings are there to help keep us from ushering destruction into our lives.