Be Reconciled
Matthew 5:21-26
Message #13
This is our thirteenth and final message in the “Bait of Satan” series.
Reconciliation is more important than being right.
Think of an offense. A real one, not hypothetical. Get it in your mind. Got it? Okay, now… what side of the offense were you on? Were you the one that “was offended?” Were you the one who “did the offending?” And what if I told you, God’s Word makes it clear that it doesn’t matter which side of the offense you are on, God’s command is exactly the same… be reconciled.
Whether you are on the “I was offended” side or on the “I did the offending” side, either way, if we want to be free of the Bait of Satan, we’ve got to keep one goal in mind at all times. Be Reconciled.
Turn over to Matthew 5, verse 21. In this section of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is taking a command from the Law of Moses that is about our actions and showing the fulfillment of that command by applying it to our heart.
Jesus is taking the commands of the Law of Moses, which are physical, or commands about your actions, and he is showing how they are fulfilled in your heart. He’s showing that the Law of Moses is being fulfilled in the transformation of your heart in the New Covenant; as the Holy Spirit fills you, then that Law of Moses is fulfilled in us walking in the Spirit.
In these verses, Jesus is talking specifically about harboring offense in our heart. And Jesus wants us to know there are serious consequences to harboring offense in our heart.
Matthew 5:21 (NLT)
21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’
(this is the focus on actions in the Law of Moses)
Matthew 5:22(a) (NLT)
22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! . . . (this is the focus on your heart – in the fulfillment of the Law)
Jesus is saying, when you have the Holy Spirit and the New Covenant, that it’s not just not acting, that God is also interested in your heart. And he wants your heart and the condition of your heart. And so, if you are harboring offense in your heart and have become angry, you are subject to judgment.
And then notice (in verse 22) the increasing judgment as the anger in your heart increases.
People struggle with this verse a lot, “what does this mean?” because there are some Aramaic words in there. The NLT lays it out for us to be able to understand it. Watch this increasing judgment that goes with increasing levels of anger.
Matthew 5:22(b) (NLT)
22 . . . (then) If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court.
This is a reference to insulting the person you are angry at. So, when you move from anger to insulting, you are subject to an increased judgment.
And then,
Matthew 5:22(c) (NLT)
22 . . . And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.
Guys, when you are harboring an offense, and you go from anger, to insulting, to cursing someone, you are in danger of greater and greater judgment. When you see a teaching like this, don’t split hairs. You look at this and say, “You know what? I think what Jesus is saying is don’t do it.”
This is very similar to the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18, who was sent to be tortured because of his unforgiveness.
In both situations, Jesus is clearly saying harboring offense that brings increasing anger leads to judgment in your life.
The answer is forgive and be reconciled with those who have wronged you or offended you.
Verses 21 and 22 are for the person who is on the “I was offended” side of things. But look how fast Jesus switches to the “I did the offending” side of things.
Matthew 5:23-24 (continuing the same thought) (NLT)
23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, (meaning they are harboring offense against YOU)
24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
Wait just a minute! This is an entirely different situation. Now we’re talking about a person who feels we have offended them. We’re talking about a person who is on that increasing scale of anger towards us. But what if we didn’t even do anything wrong?
Jesus is really clear.
Matthew 5:24(a) (NLT)
24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar . . .
This implies an urgency to try to fix this. This does not mean you are not eligible to worship God if someone is angry at you. Jesus is conveying the importance and the priority of being reconciled. Maybe being reconciled to the person who is offended is a true act of worship and a true sacrifice.
Again, verse 24 says,
Matthew 5:24 (NLT)
24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
Why would Jesus express such urgency in us being reconciled to a person who is holding an offense against us? Is this urgency for our good? Or is it for the other person’s good? It’s for the other person’s good! Because if that person is moving from anger to insulting to cursing us, then they are in danger, and if we can do something to help them out of that danger, then Jesus says that is a higher priority than us bringing our sacrifice (or offering) to God.
Now, here is a really hard truth to accept. In this situation – right or wrong doesn’t matter. What matters is the urgency and priority of being reconciled.
When we read both sides together from verses 21-24, Jesus is being clear. No matter which side of the offense you are on, his command to you is the same.
Be Reconciled – as quickly as possible and make it a priority.
And can I say one other important thing? When we find ourselves on the “I did the offending” side of this, we often don’t think we did not do anything wrong. In fact, we are often pretty certain of it. But here is what John Bevere says about this.
John Bevere
“Often we judge ourselves by our intentions, and we judge everyone else by their actions.”
This is so true.
We tend to say, “Well, my intentions were good. I was just trying to do what was right. I was just trying to do what’s best.” And we have an incorrect view of our actions because we believe our intentions were good. Does that make sense? We view our actions through our intentions. “Well, I didn’t mean to hurt him.” They don’t know that.
I’ve been on the receiving end of a person who prides themselves in being brutally honest with their own opinion. No matter how much damage their opinion does to another person because (shockingly) they believe their intentions are good – even in their destructive words. And as much pain as that has caused me, I realize there are times when I have also had an incorrect view of my own actions toward other people because I believed my intentions were good.
There are some times when you say, “Look, I want to reconcile,” but in reality, it might not be safe. Or I might not be ready. What if our heart is not ready? What does it look like when your heart is not ready? When you go and justify your actions. If you are going to try to go reconcile with someone and you start by defending yourself or justifying yourself, you are not ready.
The point is we can all justify our actions by believing our intentions were good. But Jesus is not talking about us justifying our actions. Jesus is exhorting us to be reconciled whether we are right or wrong, whether we had good intentions or not. Jesus says go to that person and be reconciled.
Whichever side of the offense we are on, either “I was offended” or “I did the offending,” either way, we are called to take the first step to be reconciled.
Psalm 34:14 (NLT)
14 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
Is it hard to reconcile with someone? Yes, it is. This is hard to be reconciled. Why? Because our pride is this huge monster that is controlling our lives. It must be crucified.
Romans 14:19 (NET)
19 So then, let us pursue what makes for peace and for building up one another.
We are called to pursue what makes for peace and pursue what leads to building up one another, which means we must approach reconciliation with the right attitude. We have got to go searching for peace and working (striving) to maintain peace. We’ve got to pursue peace and pursue the building up of the other person. That term for “building up” of one another is the same idea of “submitting to” in a general sense, coming underneath and building one another up. We are called to pursue what makes for peace, not pursue what justifies our actions, what we think is right, or what we think should be done. But pursue what makes for peace and pursue what leads to building up one another.
Which means we have got to crucify our pride and go in true humility. Going in pride or defending and justifying our actions will just pour jet fuel on the fire of offense. Even if you are right, and even if you believe you haven’t done anything wrong, when we go, we must go with true humility and with one single goal – be reconciled.
This means there may be some stuff that you feel that you don’t get to say because what you feel isn’t godly. You have to go with true humility and that one single goal – be reconciled.
Sometimes you have to work through that to be able to go. And if you go too quickly, you will be that jet fuel on the fire person.
And Jesus makes this priority clear as he continues, still in these same verses.
Matthew 5:25-26 (NLT)
25 “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison.
26 And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny.
Verses 21-22 say if you are angry over some offense – be reconciled.
Verses 23-24 say if someone has been offended by you – be reconciled
Verses 25-26 say if you have an adversary for any reason – be reconciled.
The command from Jesus in all three situations is exactly the same – be reconciled. And in two of these three situations, there are clear negative consequences to not being reconciled.
Let’s look at just one other text today (because it’s important). Turn to Matthew 18, verse 15. Unfortunately, this section of Matthew 18 has most often been described as “church discipline,” implying that the primary goal here is the church “disciplining” a believer. But that is clearly not the primary goal of this section. The NET Bible (which I highly recommend) gets it right. The section heading over Matthew 18, verse 15, says, “Restoring Christian Relationships.” That is the primary goal of this section.
Matthew 18:15 (NLT)
15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.
The primary goal here is to win that person back – meaning, be reconciled to that person. Go to that person, in humility and gentleness, pursuing peace and unity. God to them and let them know in love that they have hurt you. The goal being that person would “hear you” and apologize, and you would be reconciled to that person.
And the second step still has reconciliation as the primary goal.
Matthew 18:16 (NLT)
16 But if you are unsuccessful (at reconciliation), take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.
These witnesses are not the “brute squad” to threaten this person with “church discipline” (ridiculous). The goal here is still reconciliation, and these one or two others are for accountability. And they can function as counselors to try to reconcile the person who has caused the offense.
Then the third step.
Matthew 18:17 (NLT)
17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. (meaning don’t associate with them)
Even here, the goal is still reconciliation. Even if this person won’t accept the church’s counsel and is removed from the church, the goal is still reconciliation. We see this play out completely in 1 Corinthians 5, 2 Corinthians 2 (together), and in 2 Thessalonians 3.
The point today is this. Through all of the teaching in the New Testament that deals with offense in the church, in it all and through it all, the absolute primary goal is – be reconciled.
And without a doubt, the number one obstacle to reconciliation in my life and in every situation of offense I’ve seen – is pride. Pride kills, and we’ve all got the disease. And if we are going to receive this command to be reconciled, then first we are going to have to crush our pride.
Remember, defending yourself or justifying your actions will never bring reconciliation where there has been offense.
It is only through an attitude of true humility, gentleness, and patience, with a commitment to make allowance for each other’s faults because of our love. We have to make a commitment to make allowances for each other’s faults. And it’s only by making every effort to remain united in the Spirit, binding ourselves together with peace, that we can be reconciled.
Ephesians 4:1–3 (NLT)
1 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.
2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.
3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.
That is what our Lord Jesus calls each and every believer to.
Do not be imprisoned in offense.
Do not take The Bait of Satan.
Reconciliation is more important than being right.
Think of an offense. A real one, not hypothetical. Get it in your mind. Got it? Okay, now… what side of the offense were you on? Were you the one that “was offended?” Were you the one who “did the offending?” And what if I told you, God’s Word makes it clear that it doesn’t matter which side of the offense you are on, God’s command is exactly the same… be reconciled.
Whether you are on the “I was offended” side or on the “I did the offending” side, either way, if we want to be free of the Bait of Satan, we’ve got to keep one goal in mind at all times. Be Reconciled.
Turn over to Matthew 5, verse 21. In this section of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus is taking a command from the Law of Moses that is about our actions and showing the fulfillment of that command by applying it to our heart.
Jesus is taking the commands of the Law of Moses, which are physical, or commands about your actions, and he is showing how they are fulfilled in your heart. He’s showing that the Law of Moses is being fulfilled in the transformation of your heart in the New Covenant; as the Holy Spirit fills you, then that Law of Moses is fulfilled in us walking in the Spirit.
In these verses, Jesus is talking specifically about harboring offense in our heart. And Jesus wants us to know there are serious consequences to harboring offense in our heart.
Matthew 5:21 (NLT)
21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’
(this is the focus on actions in the Law of Moses)
Matthew 5:22(a) (NLT)
22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! . . . (this is the focus on your heart – in the fulfillment of the Law)
Jesus is saying, when you have the Holy Spirit and the New Covenant, that it’s not just not acting, that God is also interested in your heart. And he wants your heart and the condition of your heart. And so, if you are harboring offense in your heart and have become angry, you are subject to judgment.
And then notice (in verse 22) the increasing judgment as the anger in your heart increases.
People struggle with this verse a lot, “what does this mean?” because there are some Aramaic words in there. The NLT lays it out for us to be able to understand it. Watch this increasing judgment that goes with increasing levels of anger.
Matthew 5:22(b) (NLT)
22 . . . (then) If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court.
This is a reference to insulting the person you are angry at. So, when you move from anger to insulting, you are subject to an increased judgment.
And then,
Matthew 5:22(c) (NLT)
22 . . . And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.
Guys, when you are harboring an offense, and you go from anger, to insulting, to cursing someone, you are in danger of greater and greater judgment. When you see a teaching like this, don’t split hairs. You look at this and say, “You know what? I think what Jesus is saying is don’t do it.”
This is very similar to the Unforgiving Servant in Matthew 18, who was sent to be tortured because of his unforgiveness.
In both situations, Jesus is clearly saying harboring offense that brings increasing anger leads to judgment in your life.
The answer is forgive and be reconciled with those who have wronged you or offended you.
Verses 21 and 22 are for the person who is on the “I was offended” side of things. But look how fast Jesus switches to the “I did the offending” side of things.
Matthew 5:23-24 (continuing the same thought) (NLT)
23 “So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, (meaning they are harboring offense against YOU)
24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
Wait just a minute! This is an entirely different situation. Now we’re talking about a person who feels we have offended them. We’re talking about a person who is on that increasing scale of anger towards us. But what if we didn’t even do anything wrong?
Jesus is really clear.
Matthew 5:24(a) (NLT)
24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar . . .
This implies an urgency to try to fix this. This does not mean you are not eligible to worship God if someone is angry at you. Jesus is conveying the importance and the priority of being reconciled. Maybe being reconciled to the person who is offended is a true act of worship and a true sacrifice.
Again, verse 24 says,
Matthew 5:24 (NLT)
24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.
Why would Jesus express such urgency in us being reconciled to a person who is holding an offense against us? Is this urgency for our good? Or is it for the other person’s good? It’s for the other person’s good! Because if that person is moving from anger to insulting to cursing us, then they are in danger, and if we can do something to help them out of that danger, then Jesus says that is a higher priority than us bringing our sacrifice (or offering) to God.
Now, here is a really hard truth to accept. In this situation – right or wrong doesn’t matter. What matters is the urgency and priority of being reconciled.
When we read both sides together from verses 21-24, Jesus is being clear. No matter which side of the offense you are on, his command to you is the same.
Be Reconciled – as quickly as possible and make it a priority.
And can I say one other important thing? When we find ourselves on the “I did the offending” side of this, we often don’t think we did not do anything wrong. In fact, we are often pretty certain of it. But here is what John Bevere says about this.
John Bevere
“Often we judge ourselves by our intentions, and we judge everyone else by their actions.”
This is so true.
We tend to say, “Well, my intentions were good. I was just trying to do what was right. I was just trying to do what’s best.” And we have an incorrect view of our actions because we believe our intentions were good. Does that make sense? We view our actions through our intentions. “Well, I didn’t mean to hurt him.” They don’t know that.
I’ve been on the receiving end of a person who prides themselves in being brutally honest with their own opinion. No matter how much damage their opinion does to another person because (shockingly) they believe their intentions are good – even in their destructive words. And as much pain as that has caused me, I realize there are times when I have also had an incorrect view of my own actions toward other people because I believed my intentions were good.
There are some times when you say, “Look, I want to reconcile,” but in reality, it might not be safe. Or I might not be ready. What if our heart is not ready? What does it look like when your heart is not ready? When you go and justify your actions. If you are going to try to go reconcile with someone and you start by defending yourself or justifying yourself, you are not ready.
The point is we can all justify our actions by believing our intentions were good. But Jesus is not talking about us justifying our actions. Jesus is exhorting us to be reconciled whether we are right or wrong, whether we had good intentions or not. Jesus says go to that person and be reconciled.
Whichever side of the offense we are on, either “I was offended” or “I did the offending,” either way, we are called to take the first step to be reconciled.
Psalm 34:14 (NLT)
14 Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
Is it hard to reconcile with someone? Yes, it is. This is hard to be reconciled. Why? Because our pride is this huge monster that is controlling our lives. It must be crucified.
Romans 14:19 (NET)
19 So then, let us pursue what makes for peace and for building up one another.
We are called to pursue what makes for peace and pursue what leads to building up one another, which means we must approach reconciliation with the right attitude. We have got to go searching for peace and working (striving) to maintain peace. We’ve got to pursue peace and pursue the building up of the other person. That term for “building up” of one another is the same idea of “submitting to” in a general sense, coming underneath and building one another up. We are called to pursue what makes for peace, not pursue what justifies our actions, what we think is right, or what we think should be done. But pursue what makes for peace and pursue what leads to building up one another.
Which means we have got to crucify our pride and go in true humility. Going in pride or defending and justifying our actions will just pour jet fuel on the fire of offense. Even if you are right, and even if you believe you haven’t done anything wrong, when we go, we must go with true humility and with one single goal – be reconciled.
This means there may be some stuff that you feel that you don’t get to say because what you feel isn’t godly. You have to go with true humility and that one single goal – be reconciled.
Sometimes you have to work through that to be able to go. And if you go too quickly, you will be that jet fuel on the fire person.
And Jesus makes this priority clear as he continues, still in these same verses.
Matthew 5:25-26 (NLT)
25 “When you are on the way to court with your adversary, settle your differences quickly. Otherwise, your accuser may hand you over to the judge, who will hand you over to an officer, and you will be thrown into prison.
26 And if that happens, you surely won’t be free again until you have paid the last penny.
Verses 21-22 say if you are angry over some offense – be reconciled.
Verses 23-24 say if someone has been offended by you – be reconciled
Verses 25-26 say if you have an adversary for any reason – be reconciled.
The command from Jesus in all three situations is exactly the same – be reconciled. And in two of these three situations, there are clear negative consequences to not being reconciled.
Let’s look at just one other text today (because it’s important). Turn to Matthew 18, verse 15. Unfortunately, this section of Matthew 18 has most often been described as “church discipline,” implying that the primary goal here is the church “disciplining” a believer. But that is clearly not the primary goal of this section. The NET Bible (which I highly recommend) gets it right. The section heading over Matthew 18, verse 15, says, “Restoring Christian Relationships.” That is the primary goal of this section.
Matthew 18:15 (NLT)
15 “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.
The primary goal here is to win that person back – meaning, be reconciled to that person. Go to that person, in humility and gentleness, pursuing peace and unity. God to them and let them know in love that they have hurt you. The goal being that person would “hear you” and apologize, and you would be reconciled to that person.
And the second step still has reconciliation as the primary goal.
Matthew 18:16 (NLT)
16 But if you are unsuccessful (at reconciliation), take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.
These witnesses are not the “brute squad” to threaten this person with “church discipline” (ridiculous). The goal here is still reconciliation, and these one or two others are for accountability. And they can function as counselors to try to reconcile the person who has caused the offense.
Then the third step.
Matthew 18:17 (NLT)
17 If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. (meaning don’t associate with them)
Even here, the goal is still reconciliation. Even if this person won’t accept the church’s counsel and is removed from the church, the goal is still reconciliation. We see this play out completely in 1 Corinthians 5, 2 Corinthians 2 (together), and in 2 Thessalonians 3.
The point today is this. Through all of the teaching in the New Testament that deals with offense in the church, in it all and through it all, the absolute primary goal is – be reconciled.
And without a doubt, the number one obstacle to reconciliation in my life and in every situation of offense I’ve seen – is pride. Pride kills, and we’ve all got the disease. And if we are going to receive this command to be reconciled, then first we are going to have to crush our pride.
Remember, defending yourself or justifying your actions will never bring reconciliation where there has been offense.
It is only through an attitude of true humility, gentleness, and patience, with a commitment to make allowance for each other’s faults because of our love. We have to make a commitment to make allowances for each other’s faults. And it’s only by making every effort to remain united in the Spirit, binding ourselves together with peace, that we can be reconciled.
Ephesians 4:1–3 (NLT)
1 Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.
2 Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.
3 Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.
That is what our Lord Jesus calls each and every believer to.
Do not be imprisoned in offense.
Do not take The Bait of Satan.