Romance and Loyalty
Session 12
ROMANCE AND LOYALTY
Pastor Dave Shepardson, wordbymail.com
Welcome to the 12th and final Session of God's Design For Marriage.
In this session, we will wrap up with two huge subjects that go together: romance and loyalty.
ROMANCE
Romance is the reason you got married, and loyalty is the key to staying married. God's design for marriage is that the fire of romance stays alive, and it is to be constantly "rekindled" by your loyalty. Romance and loyalty have the same key ingredient: undying commitment.
Session 12 M.I.P. (Most Important Point)
ROMANCE AND LOYALTY HAVE THE SAME KEY INGREDIENT, UNDYING COMMITMENT.
Undying commitment to ROMANCE keeps the marriage fire burning.
Undying commitment to 100% LOYALTY continually rekindles the spark.
We'll start with romance and, specifically, the number one romance killer.
The Number One Romance Killer – A HARD HEART
So often we hear these “red flag warning signs”
That’s why we have quoted Ephesians 4:32 so many times: We must continually be forgiving one another, [in the SAME way] as God in Christ has forgiven us.
If unforgiveness and bitterness are not fully healed, they can bring callousness to your marriage and the loss of romantic love.
Proverbs 18:19 (NLT)
19 An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.
I am talking about you being offended by your spouse and then refusing to forgive them. Then, they're on the other side of that locked gate, trying to repent and make things right. But your heart is harder to win back than a fortified city because unforgiveness has calloused it. We must continually unlock the gate of our hearts and allow God to "soften" the hardness of our hearts.
We have to commit those hurts to God and allow him to pour AGAPE love (Romans 5:5) into our hearts to soften and restore them. Healing the callused heart is the first step toward restoring romance.
The Number Two Romance Killer – REFUSAL TO LIVE IN OUR GOD- DESIGNED ROLES
God designed our spouse. He knows exactly what they need, and he designed us to provide exactly what they need. The secret to providing our spouse just what they need is to purposefully live in our roles. For wives (seriously), the most romantic thing you can do for your husband is to sacrificially support him. Respect him, appreciate him, and even admire him. That's a man who can't wait to get home after work because he needs the emotional support that only his wife can give him.
What inspires your husband most is you showing him you respect him, admire him, and appreciate him. That is a man who can't wait to get home after work.
WIVES - you may think your body is the only thing that says romance to your husband. And husbands, you may also mistakenly think that same thing. But I promise you, a wife purposefully and actively living in her role is the real key to long-term romance. In order to get this across, I have to make one thing clear to the husbands. Husbands, contrary to your assumption, romance is not spelled S-E-X. Yes, it involves sex, but genuine romance starts way before that. True romance starts (and lasts) in the heart.
And the best way to develop that heart of romance is to:
Wives, the world says romance is about looking like a model. The Bible says it is the hidden beauty of the heart.
1 Peter 3:1–4 (NLT)
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands (live in your role). Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.
4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
The secret to romance (from the wife's side) is not primarily on the outside but primarily on the inside, and if you are constantly critical and judgmental, you will never be able to show true romantic love to your husband.
Proverbs 27:15-16 (NLT)
15 A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.
16 Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind . . .
For wives, romance starts with the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." It begins with the heart. Now, of course, there are outward things you can and should do to keep romance alive in your marriage. But a critical, judgmental spirit dressed up in a red “nighty” only lasts so long. The unfading beauty God has given you lasts forever, and I'm here to tell you it all starts with the condition of your heart.
HUSBANDS—The most romantic thing you can do for your wife is love her sacrificially, with tenderness and understanding. This is exactly what God made her to need. A wife whose husband constantly shows her kindness, tenderness, genuine affection, and understanding is a happy wife who feels the life of romance in her marriage. Which leads to the S-E-X romance that all the men think I'm talking about.
Guys, our culture has damaged marriage (and sex) so much by playing to a man's fantasy of "One wink and ten seconds later, we're having wild sex." You know it doesn't really work, right?
Here’s what is true, though, and here is how to really prepare for lasting romance, including the S-E-X romance.
1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)
7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
This verse is about giving great care to your wife, which is exactly what God created her to need. True romance is all about showing her honor and treating her with understanding, as you should. Not only will that make your marriage great, but also, when you pray, God will not say, "I can't hear you." Husbands, you must always honor your wife; she is your queen and the most important thing in your world. That is what God designed your wife to need! If you do whatever is necessary for her to feel that way, your marriage will continually grow in the area of romance. But if you are a demanding dictator and self-absorbed husband, it is impossible for your wife to feel romantic towards you.
The key verse for your role is from Ephesians 5.
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Do you want the sex part of romance? Then first, love your wife just as Christ loved the Church. Romance is destroyed when either a husband or a wife refuses to give what God designed the other person to need.
The Romance Spark:
When you truly begin to give your spouse what they need most, I promise that romantic spark, or fire, will come back.
A wife needs most to be loved, honored, and cherished by her husband
A husband needs most to be supported and respected by his wife.
LOYALTY
Since the 1960s, the divorce rate in this country has skyrocketed by 700%. Almost half of all school-age children now come from broken homes. Why? Because we have set aside God's design, and we have set aside our loyalty. Many here have been divorced. If you have been divorced and asked God's forgiveness, he has forgiven you. And God wants you to press on for what he has for you. However, please understand God's design for marriage does not include the option for divorce.
Malachi 2:16 says God hates divorce. In Matthew 19, Jesus says divorce exists because of the hardness of your heart, but it was never God's design.
Although the New Testament does allow divorce on the grounds of adultery, it means God permits it because of the intense damage it does.
However, even in that grave situation, God can heal and restore because God has made two individuals one flesh.
Jesus says the following in Matthew 19:
Matthew 19:6 (NLT)
6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
The vow you took on your wedding day, God took seriously. It’s taken from Exodus 20, the third commandment.
Exodus 20:7
7 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
This commandment is not about cursing. It is about the eternal seriousness of the vows we make before God. If you stood before God and made a vow before him to be one flesh, God took that vow very seriously, and he meant you to take it seriously also.
To maintain that vow, we need to be committed to two types of loyalty: emotional loyalty and mental loyalty.
EMOTIONAL LOYALTY
Emotional loyalty means there is no one of the opposite sex involved in your emotional life – no one! Emotional oneness is a very powerful thing, and I promise you it is too powerful for you to share with someone of the opposite sex that you are not married to. That connection is powerful, and it leads to romance. Really, you should have no relationship that involves the sharing of your emotions with the opposite sex unless it's your mother or father.
WARNING!!! At the precise moment your marriage struggles, the enemy will put someone of the opposite sex in your path. If you begin to share your emotions about your marriage with them, you will be playing into the devil's hand and giving him free rein to steal, kill, and destroy your marriage.
Sharing your heart must be reserved for your spouse because it is part of the magic of romance in a marriage. Outside of your marriage, friendships that involve sharing your emotions must be of the same sex.
Here's why: the devil's only goal is to steal, kill, and destroy; the devil is not stupid; at the precise moment that your marriage struggles, the enemy will put someone of the opposite sex in your path. If you begin to share your emotions with them, your struggles, your feelings, your hurts, you will be playing right into the devil's hands and giving him free rein to steal, kill, and destroy in your marriage.
Emotional loyalty is very often the beginning of a marriage's downfall, and so we must protect our hearts for our spouse at all costs.
MENTAL LOYALTY
You must deny all other mental (or visual) temptations and keep your mind loyal to your spouse at all times. Disloyalty (in any way) always undermines the one-flesh bond. It always begins with a small undermining, and then it just tears away at the foundation until your marriage collapses on itself. The most important time for you to be fiercely loyal to your spouse is when they are not with you.
MEN. . .
If you are looking at pornography, you are undermining the foundation of your marriage with every click of the mouse. Jesus said you are committing adultery in your heart, and you WILL destroy your marriage for the sake of some stupid picture. Don't be an idiot. You must count the cost of the image you are looking at.
But mental disloyalty is not JUST a man thing. . .
WOMEN. . .
Women often think some other man would somehow be better for them or better to them - because they don't know that other man. But that mental disloyalty also begins to subtly undermine the foundation of your marriage.
An affair always begins with a desire to escape the current conditions in your marriage. It ends with you trying to fulfill, outside your marriage, some need you don't think is being fulfilled inside your marriage.
An affair never does fulfill that need, by the way. That's just the bait the enemy uses to get you to destroy your marriage, and the enemy is always "in the wings," just waiting to provide the bait for you to do that damage.
The devil’s primary tactic to destroy your marriage is this:
Some of you are in relationships right now where you are being disloyal to your spouse, emotionally or mentally. You must end it right now! Today!
YOU MUST make a commitment to God right now to crucify that relationship – cut it off, end it! If you have to quit your job, move, or leave the ministry, it doesn't matter. Take drastic measures and do it now!
When you do work or minister with persons of the opposite sex, you set up a wall of emotional and mental loyalty to your spouse. Your emotional and mental loyalty is not tested when you're with your spouse; it's tested when you're away from your spouse. Those lines must be drawn, those walls must be built, and they must not be crossed for any reason.
We must be loyal to our spouse at all costs, in all ways, at all times.
EMOTIONALLY MENTALLY VISUALLY PHYSICALLY
Finally, Let's wrap up with a principle guaranteed to keep romantic love in your marriage, and I believe this principle will divorce-proof your marriage. We call this principle "3-Dimensional Oneness." It's oneness in every area of your marriage.
3-DIMENSIONAL ONENESS
DIMENSION #1 – PHYSICAL ONENESS
Physical touch and closeness, and yes, sex, but again, men, it's not just sex. It does include sex, but a physical oneness is much, much more than just sex. For instance, sitting together, being together, doing things together. These are all in the physical oneness category. Being physically together is the first level of 3 Dimensional oneness.
You've got to be physically together, doing things together, and spending time together. This is the foundational layer—the starting point, and then you build on it.
DIMENSION #2 – EMOTIONAL ONENESS
This is where most marriages really began. When you began developing an emotional oneness you were on your way to getting married. Unfortunately, this is also where most marriages begin to break down.
Emotional oneness is sharing, growing, crying. It's experiencing life together. It's the emotional connection of two hearts beating as one. Romance at its best is heart-to-heart communication. It's an emotional oneness. Emotional oneness goes beyond just the physical; it's the beginning of a true romance that lasts. It requires ongoing effort to grow and maintain, but it is worth it!
It's the deepening of oneness. It's feeling what your spouse feels.
DIMENSION #3 – SPIRITUAL ONENESS
This is the supernatural oneness that supersedes all else. The absolute pinnacle of oneness in your marriage is: “spiritual oneness.”
God’s love for us could easily be described as a romantic love:
God loves you that way, and he has poured his love into your heart so you can love this way. The supernatural oneness is spiritual oneness, and it is at the peak of the "3-Dimensional Oneness" that will divorce-proof your marriage.
A paraphrase from Tommy Nelson’s book, “The Book of Romance”
A recent survey concluded 80 % of couples who live together not being married end up separating. 60% of couples married outside the church end up divorcing. 40% of couples married inside the church end up divorcing. But couples who read their Bible together daily divorce at the rate of .1% (1/10 of 1%)."
Those numbers speak for themselves.
“3-Dimensional Oneness” is the secret weapon to keep love alive and divorce- proof your marriage.
We must hold our marriage in higher regard than anything else in this life (save Christ himself). We must honor it, protect it, and nurture it. We must always breathe life into it and continually sacrifice 'self.'
THIS IS GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE!
Let’s Pray. Heavenly Father, please make us one flesh, make us loyal. Please give us the power of the Holy Spirit to crucify self, to live in the roles you’ve designed us for, and to experience your 3-dimensional oneness. May we experience the great blessing of your design for our marriage. In Jesus' name, amen.
RESPONSE TIME. . .
Will you commit to doing just ONE MORE night of homework with your spouse?
YES NO
If you have skipped any other homework, will you commit to going back and completing all homework in all 12 sessions?
YES NO
And now, one last homework assignment . . .
Final Homework
Session 12
SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 4:15-16 Date ___________________
PRAY and LISTEN
Read Ephesians 4:15-16. “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.” (NLT)
COMMUNICATE
Would you, right now, speak the truth in love to your spouse? Talk at a new level about your marriage, especially your concerns and your fears.
This is our last request for this series. Share with your spouse what you feel needs to change in your marriage. What area of your marriage do you need to surrender and commit to God for transformation?
RESPOND
Will you actually DO something, proactively and consistently, to allow God to transform your marriage in this area?
_____________________________________________________
What commitment will you make to begin to apply God’s transformation to your marriage? Discuss this with your spouse and write your commitment here.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________________________
PRAY TOGETHER
You’ve started on a new journey of transformation in your marriage. Thank God for it. Commit to follow through. And pray for your spouse.
GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE
Leave all else
Cleave to your spouse
Become one flesh
Forgive. . . again and again
Submit to one another – esteeming the other higher
Live in your roles
Communicate in love
Keep the romance alive
AND ABOVE ALL – BE LOYAL
If you have questions or would like additional workbooks, please contacts us at wordbymail.com. Or by downloading the Word By Mail app from your app store.
Or text (877) 790-9673.
Thank you for studying God's Design For Marriage with us.
Pastor Dave Shepardson, wordbymail.com
Welcome to the 12th and final Session of God's Design For Marriage.
In this session, we will wrap up with two huge subjects that go together: romance and loyalty.
ROMANCE
Romance is the reason you got married, and loyalty is the key to staying married. God's design for marriage is that the fire of romance stays alive, and it is to be constantly "rekindled" by your loyalty. Romance and loyalty have the same key ingredient: undying commitment.
Session 12 M.I.P. (Most Important Point)
ROMANCE AND LOYALTY HAVE THE SAME KEY INGREDIENT, UNDYING COMMITMENT.
Undying commitment to ROMANCE keeps the marriage fire burning.
Undying commitment to 100% LOYALTY continually rekindles the spark.
We'll start with romance and, specifically, the number one romance killer.
The Number One Romance Killer – A HARD HEART
So often we hear these “red flag warning signs”
- I don't feel in love anymore
- I think I have fallen out of love with my spouse
- Maybe it just isn’t meant to be
That’s why we have quoted Ephesians 4:32 so many times: We must continually be forgiving one another, [in the SAME way] as God in Christ has forgiven us.
If unforgiveness and bitterness are not fully healed, they can bring callousness to your marriage and the loss of romantic love.
Proverbs 18:19 (NLT)
19 An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars.
I am talking about you being offended by your spouse and then refusing to forgive them. Then, they're on the other side of that locked gate, trying to repent and make things right. But your heart is harder to win back than a fortified city because unforgiveness has calloused it. We must continually unlock the gate of our hearts and allow God to "soften" the hardness of our hearts.
We have to commit those hurts to God and allow him to pour AGAPE love (Romans 5:5) into our hearts to soften and restore them. Healing the callused heart is the first step toward restoring romance.
The Number Two Romance Killer – REFUSAL TO LIVE IN OUR GOD- DESIGNED ROLES
God designed our spouse. He knows exactly what they need, and he designed us to provide exactly what they need. The secret to providing our spouse just what they need is to purposefully live in our roles. For wives (seriously), the most romantic thing you can do for your husband is to sacrificially support him. Respect him, appreciate him, and even admire him. That's a man who can't wait to get home after work because he needs the emotional support that only his wife can give him.
What inspires your husband most is you showing him you respect him, admire him, and appreciate him. That is a man who can't wait to get home after work.
WIVES - you may think your body is the only thing that says romance to your husband. And husbands, you may also mistakenly think that same thing. But I promise you, a wife purposefully and actively living in her role is the real key to long-term romance. In order to get this across, I have to make one thing clear to the husbands. Husbands, contrary to your assumption, romance is not spelled S-E-X. Yes, it involves sex, but genuine romance starts way before that. True romance starts (and lasts) in the heart.
And the best way to develop that heart of romance is to:
- Keep God’s agape love flowing for your spouse
- Purposefully and actively give your spouse what they need
Wives, the world says romance is about looking like a model. The Bible says it is the hidden beauty of the heart.
1 Peter 3:1–4 (NLT)
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands (live in your role). Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over 2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.
4 You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.
The secret to romance (from the wife's side) is not primarily on the outside but primarily on the inside, and if you are constantly critical and judgmental, you will never be able to show true romantic love to your husband.
Proverbs 27:15-16 (NLT)
15 A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.
16 Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind . . .
For wives, romance starts with the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit." It begins with the heart. Now, of course, there are outward things you can and should do to keep romance alive in your marriage. But a critical, judgmental spirit dressed up in a red “nighty” only lasts so long. The unfading beauty God has given you lasts forever, and I'm here to tell you it all starts with the condition of your heart.
HUSBANDS—The most romantic thing you can do for your wife is love her sacrificially, with tenderness and understanding. This is exactly what God made her to need. A wife whose husband constantly shows her kindness, tenderness, genuine affection, and understanding is a happy wife who feels the life of romance in her marriage. Which leads to the S-E-X romance that all the men think I'm talking about.
Guys, our culture has damaged marriage (and sex) so much by playing to a man's fantasy of "One wink and ten seconds later, we're having wild sex." You know it doesn't really work, right?
Here’s what is true, though, and here is how to really prepare for lasting romance, including the S-E-X romance.
1 Peter 3:7 (NLT)
7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.
This verse is about giving great care to your wife, which is exactly what God created her to need. True romance is all about showing her honor and treating her with understanding, as you should. Not only will that make your marriage great, but also, when you pray, God will not say, "I can't hear you." Husbands, you must always honor your wife; she is your queen and the most important thing in your world. That is what God designed your wife to need! If you do whatever is necessary for her to feel that way, your marriage will continually grow in the area of romance. But if you are a demanding dictator and self-absorbed husband, it is impossible for your wife to feel romantic towards you.
The key verse for your role is from Ephesians 5.
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV)
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Do you want the sex part of romance? Then first, love your wife just as Christ loved the Church. Romance is destroyed when either a husband or a wife refuses to give what God designed the other person to need.
The Romance Spark:
When you truly begin to give your spouse what they need most, I promise that romantic spark, or fire, will come back.
A wife needs most to be loved, honored, and cherished by her husband
A husband needs most to be supported and respected by his wife.
LOYALTY
Since the 1960s, the divorce rate in this country has skyrocketed by 700%. Almost half of all school-age children now come from broken homes. Why? Because we have set aside God's design, and we have set aside our loyalty. Many here have been divorced. If you have been divorced and asked God's forgiveness, he has forgiven you. And God wants you to press on for what he has for you. However, please understand God's design for marriage does not include the option for divorce.
Malachi 2:16 says God hates divorce. In Matthew 19, Jesus says divorce exists because of the hardness of your heart, but it was never God's design.
Although the New Testament does allow divorce on the grounds of adultery, it means God permits it because of the intense damage it does.
However, even in that grave situation, God can heal and restore because God has made two individuals one flesh.
Jesus says the following in Matthew 19:
Matthew 19:6 (NLT)
6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”
The vow you took on your wedding day, God took seriously. It’s taken from Exodus 20, the third commandment.
Exodus 20:7
7 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
This commandment is not about cursing. It is about the eternal seriousness of the vows we make before God. If you stood before God and made a vow before him to be one flesh, God took that vow very seriously, and he meant you to take it seriously also.
To maintain that vow, we need to be committed to two types of loyalty: emotional loyalty and mental loyalty.
EMOTIONAL LOYALTY
Emotional loyalty means there is no one of the opposite sex involved in your emotional life – no one! Emotional oneness is a very powerful thing, and I promise you it is too powerful for you to share with someone of the opposite sex that you are not married to. That connection is powerful, and it leads to romance. Really, you should have no relationship that involves the sharing of your emotions with the opposite sex unless it's your mother or father.
WARNING!!! At the precise moment your marriage struggles, the enemy will put someone of the opposite sex in your path. If you begin to share your emotions about your marriage with them, you will be playing into the devil's hand and giving him free rein to steal, kill, and destroy your marriage.
Sharing your heart must be reserved for your spouse because it is part of the magic of romance in a marriage. Outside of your marriage, friendships that involve sharing your emotions must be of the same sex.
Here's why: the devil's only goal is to steal, kill, and destroy; the devil is not stupid; at the precise moment that your marriage struggles, the enemy will put someone of the opposite sex in your path. If you begin to share your emotions with them, your struggles, your feelings, your hurts, you will be playing right into the devil's hands and giving him free rein to steal, kill, and destroy in your marriage.
Emotional loyalty is very often the beginning of a marriage's downfall, and so we must protect our hearts for our spouse at all costs.
MENTAL LOYALTY
You must deny all other mental (or visual) temptations and keep your mind loyal to your spouse at all times. Disloyalty (in any way) always undermines the one-flesh bond. It always begins with a small undermining, and then it just tears away at the foundation until your marriage collapses on itself. The most important time for you to be fiercely loyal to your spouse is when they are not with you.
MEN. . .
If you are looking at pornography, you are undermining the foundation of your marriage with every click of the mouse. Jesus said you are committing adultery in your heart, and you WILL destroy your marriage for the sake of some stupid picture. Don't be an idiot. You must count the cost of the image you are looking at.
But mental disloyalty is not JUST a man thing. . .
WOMEN. . .
Women often think some other man would somehow be better for them or better to them - because they don't know that other man. But that mental disloyalty also begins to subtly undermine the foundation of your marriage.
An affair always begins with a desire to escape the current conditions in your marriage. It ends with you trying to fulfill, outside your marriage, some need you don't think is being fulfilled inside your marriage.
An affair never does fulfill that need, by the way. That's just the bait the enemy uses to get you to destroy your marriage, and the enemy is always "in the wings," just waiting to provide the bait for you to do that damage.
The devil’s primary tactic to destroy your marriage is this:
- Emotional disloyalty – followed by
- Mental (visual) disloyalty – followed by
- Physical disloyalty – followed by the
- Destruction of ALL loyalty and possibly your marriage.
Some of you are in relationships right now where you are being disloyal to your spouse, emotionally or mentally. You must end it right now! Today!
YOU MUST make a commitment to God right now to crucify that relationship – cut it off, end it! If you have to quit your job, move, or leave the ministry, it doesn't matter. Take drastic measures and do it now!
When you do work or minister with persons of the opposite sex, you set up a wall of emotional and mental loyalty to your spouse. Your emotional and mental loyalty is not tested when you're with your spouse; it's tested when you're away from your spouse. Those lines must be drawn, those walls must be built, and they must not be crossed for any reason.
We must be loyal to our spouse at all costs, in all ways, at all times.
EMOTIONALLY MENTALLY VISUALLY PHYSICALLY
Finally, Let's wrap up with a principle guaranteed to keep romantic love in your marriage, and I believe this principle will divorce-proof your marriage. We call this principle "3-Dimensional Oneness." It's oneness in every area of your marriage.
3-DIMENSIONAL ONENESS
DIMENSION #1 – PHYSICAL ONENESS
Physical touch and closeness, and yes, sex, but again, men, it's not just sex. It does include sex, but a physical oneness is much, much more than just sex. For instance, sitting together, being together, doing things together. These are all in the physical oneness category. Being physically together is the first level of 3 Dimensional oneness.
You've got to be physically together, doing things together, and spending time together. This is the foundational layer—the starting point, and then you build on it.
DIMENSION #2 – EMOTIONAL ONENESS
This is where most marriages really began. When you began developing an emotional oneness you were on your way to getting married. Unfortunately, this is also where most marriages begin to break down.
Emotional oneness is sharing, growing, crying. It's experiencing life together. It's the emotional connection of two hearts beating as one. Romance at its best is heart-to-heart communication. It's an emotional oneness. Emotional oneness goes beyond just the physical; it's the beginning of a true romance that lasts. It requires ongoing effort to grow and maintain, but it is worth it!
It's the deepening of oneness. It's feeling what your spouse feels.
DIMENSION #3 – SPIRITUAL ONENESS
This is the supernatural oneness that supersedes all else. The absolute pinnacle of oneness in your marriage is: “spiritual oneness.”
God’s love for us could easily be described as a romantic love:
- He gently woos us to himself
- He assures us we are of great value to him
- He constantly shows us how much he loves us and cares for us
- He desires to have a constantly growing relationship with us
God loves you that way, and he has poured his love into your heart so you can love this way. The supernatural oneness is spiritual oneness, and it is at the peak of the "3-Dimensional Oneness" that will divorce-proof your marriage.
A paraphrase from Tommy Nelson’s book, “The Book of Romance”
A recent survey concluded 80 % of couples who live together not being married end up separating. 60% of couples married outside the church end up divorcing. 40% of couples married inside the church end up divorcing. But couples who read their Bible together daily divorce at the rate of .1% (1/10 of 1%)."
Those numbers speak for themselves.
“3-Dimensional Oneness” is the secret weapon to keep love alive and divorce- proof your marriage.
- Physical Oneness – Being together physically
- Emotional Oneness – Two hearts beating as one
- Spiritual Oneness – The Supernatural Oneness
We must hold our marriage in higher regard than anything else in this life (save Christ himself). We must honor it, protect it, and nurture it. We must always breathe life into it and continually sacrifice 'self.'
THIS IS GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE!
Let’s Pray. Heavenly Father, please make us one flesh, make us loyal. Please give us the power of the Holy Spirit to crucify self, to live in the roles you’ve designed us for, and to experience your 3-dimensional oneness. May we experience the great blessing of your design for our marriage. In Jesus' name, amen.
RESPONSE TIME. . .
Will you commit to doing just ONE MORE night of homework with your spouse?
YES NO
If you have skipped any other homework, will you commit to going back and completing all homework in all 12 sessions?
YES NO
And now, one last homework assignment . . .
Final Homework
Session 12
SCRIPTURE: Ephesians 4:15-16 Date ___________________
PRAY and LISTEN
Read Ephesians 4:15-16. “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.” (NLT)
COMMUNICATE
Would you, right now, speak the truth in love to your spouse? Talk at a new level about your marriage, especially your concerns and your fears.
This is our last request for this series. Share with your spouse what you feel needs to change in your marriage. What area of your marriage do you need to surrender and commit to God for transformation?
RESPOND
Will you actually DO something, proactively and consistently, to allow God to transform your marriage in this area?
_____________________________________________________
What commitment will you make to begin to apply God’s transformation to your marriage? Discuss this with your spouse and write your commitment here.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
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PRAY TOGETHER
You’ve started on a new journey of transformation in your marriage. Thank God for it. Commit to follow through. And pray for your spouse.
GOD’S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE
Leave all else
Cleave to your spouse
Become one flesh
Forgive. . . again and again
Submit to one another – esteeming the other higher
Live in your roles
Communicate in love
Keep the romance alive
AND ABOVE ALL – BE LOYAL
If you have questions or would like additional workbooks, please contacts us at wordbymail.com. Or by downloading the Word By Mail app from your app store.
Or text (877) 790-9673.
Thank you for studying God's Design For Marriage with us.