Revenge: A Bitter Root of Offense

Romans 12:14-21

Message #11

This message is going to be a really hard message this morning. As I was preparing this, there were times when I had to stop what I was doing and really ask myself the questions that I am going to ask you this morning. And it was tough.

We are in The Bait of Satan” series. There are going to be some things we will be looking at that are going to be really hard to hear. There are going to be things that are going to be said that might sting or make you fidget in your chair. I ask that you would really push through this today because this is something that is so powerful in the life of a Believer that we must get this.

We will be in Romans Chapter 12, and we are going to be looking at verses 14-21. I think it’s important for you guys to know what I am about to do. I am going to rest in verse 14 for a bit, and then we’ll be looking at various other passages that are associated with verse 14. And then what I’m going to do is something interesting. I’m doing this for the first time – pioneering this – typically, I will go verse by verse. I found something really interesting as I was studying this passage in Romans. I found that there are verses that are actually built upon this idea that is found in verse 14. So, we’ll be looking at 14, and then we’ll jump to 17, and then we’ll go to 15 and 16, and then 20 and 21. So, just stay with me. There is a purpose for that.

Romans 12:14 (ESV)
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.


The first question we should ask ourselves based on this verse is: what does the word bless used here mean? Who exactly are our persecutors? And why should we not curse them?

The literal translation for the word bless means “to praise and give thanks for” and “to speak well of” and “to act kindly towards others.” We can do this in a number of ways. What do I mean by that?

You can bless someone through prayer. When we actively and daily pray for others and especially those who we think are our enemies, our hearts become softened and compassionate towards those we may have grown bitter, angry, hateful, or even revengeful with. When you daily pray for someone who has hurt you deeply, your heart begins to change.

We can bless others through speech. When we choose to speak words of graciousness, love, encouragement, and compassion to and about those who have hurt and are hurting us, we help fight against roots of bitterness taking hold in our lives, and we give God the opportunity to use us as ambassadors not just in our lives, but in other people’s lives.

Another way we can bless others is through acts of service. Words are fleeting, but actions are physical evidence of God’s love at work in our hearts which bear witness of the Holy Spirit’s fruit in our lives. We see this command to bless others in other passages of scriptures as well.

Matthew 5:43-44 (ESV)
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,


Luke 6:27-28 (NLT)
27 “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you.
28 Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.


I think based on these two scriptures, we can answer the question of who exactly are our persecutors? So, I think our persecutors are those who actively hate us and inflict injuries to us which cause pain, suffering, and torment. I think our persecutors can also be those who seem not to care for us and are seemingly opposed to what we believe and stand for.

I use those words “seem not to care” and who “seemingly are opposed to what we believe in” because there’s this idea that once we start to see people in a negative light for what they’ve done to us, we can find any reason and justify ourselves as to why their actions are opposed to us. It just happens.

What’s interesting is, and I’m not sure how familiar you are with the Book of Romans, Paul was writing to the Romans (the Christian believers in Rome). And it’s interesting because as he was writing to Jewish and gentile Believers in Rome, which he was, then that means their persecutors (like ours) were outside of the Body of Christ, sure, and those who were inside the Body of Christ. That’s huge. These are people inside the Body of Christ who are professing Believers.

A question we need to ask ourselves based on that reality is this. What does Paul mean when he tells us to bless those who persecute us and not curse them? But maybe, just maybe, a better question we should ask ourselves in light of verse 14 is, what would happen if we actively chose not to bless those who persecute us and decide to curse them instead?

The reality is that for some of us right now, this is exactly what you are wrestling with. You are seeking to correct the wrongs done to you, and you desire justice and will do whatever it takes to see the person who has hurt you to be punished. I think for others, we may have gone through the cycle already, but perhaps we have been thrust into another situation where we are being faced with this reality again. You guys, hurt and pain and torment from other people is an ongoing thing. Right?

I think for some, you’ve been so transformed by this process of pursuing peace and releasing offenses that you are able to recognize moments when your flesh cries out, “Avenge me!” And you respond confidently, “Father, vengeance is yours and yours alone.”

I want to share a story with you guys, and I’m just going to be completely honest with you. I was terrified to do this message. I’ve been hurt so many times by others, and I’ve been hurt the worst inside of local churches. So, I just want to tell you a story about pursuing peace and forgiveness.

On August 13, 2007, I was blown up by a bomb. And through that process, God allowed me to see that had I died that day, not only would I have been condemned to hell, but he would have been perfectly justified in pronouncing that judgment on me. And so, out of that experience came this process of really understanding that God not only sent his Son to die for me but that I had the opportunity to confess my sin, believe in him, and be born again. And I did!

And what happened was, I went on this journey – this long, long journey – of understanding exactly what God called me to do in order to forgive others. And I will never forget this. I was in my room, and I was lying on my bed, and I was just praying. And one thing I try to do is try to kind of debrief and walk through the day and see if there was anybody that I had offended or somebody I needed to ask forgiveness from. Or if there was somebody who I felt had offended me and I needed to pray about it, and really work through it and see whether or not that was my flesh that got offended or if that was really someone that caused an offense to me.

And so, I was really just processing through that, and I remember being in my room, and the Lord said, “Jacob, you have not yet forgiven those attackers who meant to kill your life.” And I was like, “Yeah, you’re right, Lord. I haven’t.” And then, he was like, “I want you to pray and ask, and I want you to forgive them.” I was like, “okay. I can do that.” And so, I did.

I remember immediately afterward; he was like, “Okay. Now I want you to pray for their salvation.” And boy, did I not do that! I was like, “NO! I am not doing that!” And I didn’t for a couple of days. But what started to happen was I was started to regress. I started to be more irritable, more aggressive, kind of more short with people. And I was asking myself, what is going on? What is happening? And it finally dawned on me that not only was I choosing not to pray for someone’s salvation, but I was literally harboring bitterness. I wanted God to exact revenge, to justify me to punish those men who tried to kill me for my sake, for me, me, me. And I was actually not growing in my relationship with Christ.

And so, I went back, and I was in my room, and I’m like, “God. I am so sorry for not wanting to pray for the salvation of those men who tried to kill me because now I understand. I get it. Me praying for their salvation is a way for you to show me that vengeance is mine and mine alone, says the Lord. I allow the rain to fall on the just and unjust alike. And I want you to pray for their salvation because, guess what, Jacob? If you are the one who prays for their salvation, and you see them face-to-face in Heaven, and they’ve come to a relationship with me because of your prayers, how much greater would that be in order for you to proclaim my name and not your name?”

And the reality is some of us are choosing not to pray for others. You know, I get it. We’ve all, in this room and online, have been hurt by someone. And whether or not it was justified or unjustified, I don’t think that’s the question that we need to ask ourselves. I think the question we need to ask ourselves as Christ-followers is, what are you willing to give away in your pursuit of holding on to that bitter root of vengeance and revenge and wanting them to get what you think they deserve? What are you willing to give up?

Hebrews 12:14-15 (ESV)
14 Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.
15 See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;


I think it’s interesting that when a root of bitterness is planted into our hearts it grows and grows and grows and it festers. And it doesn’t just impact us; it impacts many other people. I think that we were created for connection. We were created for relationships. And when your heart is saturated with bitterness and unforgiveness, and you’re seeking to want whoever has hurt you to be judged, what you’re doing is you are essentially saying, I’m judge and executioner. And you’re pronouncing death in not just your life, but others persons lives as well.

Notice what Paul mentions here, for we as Christ-followers that we are to not only strive for peace with everyone but that it is not an option. It’s not an option. We are to do the following.

Be at peace with everyone. And I know as I’ve been talking that there’s been somebody that is probably coming up in your mind. That’s good. And that person that is coming up in your mind, guess what? As a Christ-follower, Jesus wants you to be at peace with that person.

We are to actively pursue holiness, Paul says. Because it helps us understand that we are to put on and act out of a desire to be holy as God is holy. Which, guess what? That’s a part of our journey as Christ-followers. There’s a really fancy word for that, but essentially what it means is to continue to be made like Christ.

But why? Why must we do these things? Because Paul understood that when we actively fight against and even desire not to be at peace with everyone, we seek to put our selfish desires and needs above God’s holiness and perfect righteousness. We invite a root of bitterness into our lives and our hearts.

I think another question that is good for us to ask this morning is this. But where does this root of bitterness spring from? Was anybody thinking that? Well, if you are, I’m glad that you are. Let’s look at verse 17 in Romans Chapter 12.

Romans 12:17 (ESV)
17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.


You know, this is one thing that I really appreciate about God’s Word – it’s not complicated. I mean, this verse makes sense to us this morning, doesn’t it? We can read this verse, and we can understand what it is saying. So, in this verse, we are commanded as Christ-followers to do this. Well, we are not to return injury for injury. When someone harms us, hurts us, or torments us, what are we not supposed to do? We’re not supposed to harm, hurt, or torment them. We’re not supposed to respond to evil with evil.

We are to not act out of a desire to see ourselves avenged for hurts, pains, torments, and sufferings caused by others. We do this so that we, as Christ-followers who have made the command our own to turn the other cheek and go the second mile for others, serve as a reflection to others of what not to do when the world says, “Go ahead. Avenge yourselves. It’s the just thing to do. You do that! You return evil with evil! Don’t turn your cheek. You hit them back.”

“When they respond to you in anger, when they jab at you, hey – you jab back! When your wife asks you to do something, and she hasn’t done what you thought she should do yesterday, hey, you go ahead, and you don’t listen to her. Hey, when your sibling is being a sibling, it’s okay to respond back in anger. It’s okay for you to lash out! Hey, you know what? It’s okay to not forgive that person.” That’s what the world would say.

But I think Christ is saying so much more for us. I asked if this all makes sense to us this morning, right? So why then, Christ-follower, are we so quick to take offense with one another and look for opportunities to promote our own agenda and selfish desires? Why do we hang onto and even soak in ways we can make others pay for what they have done to us? Why do we seek to repay someone evil for evil when we know we are to do just the opposite? When we strive after making others pay for what they have done to us, we have become judge and executioner for not just them, but for ourselves.

Before we started this message, I said I was terrified and scared to actually give this message. Does anyone know why? Because when that was put on paper, and I re-read that, every single time that I re-read that paragraph, that statement, I had to stop, get up and literally walk around my apartment. And I was asking myself, “Oh my gosh, Lord. Who have I developed a bitter root of offense towards?” And a name popped up in my head!” I’m supposed to be the one that is giving the message, but do you know what was happening as I was preparing this message? I was being wrecked by the Lord because even I, myself, fall victim to this.

And so, God led me into this opportunity to say, “Lord, I am so sorry for having this bitter root of offense. Because I wanted this person to be avenged because they hurt me so deeply, but that’s not your heart, God. It’s not.” It destroyed me for the past week.

When we don’t do that, when we don’t stop and take a deep breath and sit and ask God that question, “Lord, who is it I have developed a bitter root of offense toward? Who is it who I think deserves to be punished because of the hurt they’ve done to me?” then we fall into this. We allow the destructive root of bitterness to grow and fester in our hearts. And when we daily feed the root of bitterness in our lives, it becomes easier and easier to plant seeds of anger, resentment, hate, jealousy, division, and pain in our hearts, minds, and souls. Ouch.

I told myself I wasn’t going to share an experience about past experience at a local church, but I think it’s only right that I share because this message is weighty. It’s heavy. I think I want to share an example of how this has happened in my life.

Over the past five years, I’ve been allowed to serve at three different local churches. And in each local church, there were multiple times that people would slander and gossip and throw out my integrity to the wind. And it got so bad, to where the people that I was serving with (who I knew were actually talking about all these things), I would not look them in the eye. I developed this bitterness towards them. And these are people that I am supposed to be serving with.

And it got so bad that I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped praying. I stopped asking the Holy Spirit to examine my heart and to give me a soft heart towards those with who I was supposed to be serving. And it just spiraled. I went from one local church, to another local church, to another local church. And finally, it got so bad that at the end of July of 2020, I had finished my assignment at one local church, and I literally was like, “God, I want to fade into obscurity because I do not love your people. I love you, but I hate your people.” I said that.

And you know what happened? I faded into obscurity for a year and six months. And it was the hardest year and six months that I have ever gone through because that was around the time the pandemic was getting stronger and stronger. So, me and my wife were home. But I wasn’t using that time to examine my heart. I was off in my own little world. And then, and then finally, towards the end of that time, the Lord was like, “I have had enough of your self-pitying ‘woe is me’ attitude. It’s time for you to wake up. You need to wake up, Jacob. How can you say you love me and hate my people when you don’t know me because I love my people?”

And what came out of that was this gradual refreshing. This gradual refocusing. This gradual refining of the Holy Spirit showing me, “Hey, this person you’ve harbored bitterness towards. Hey, this person you’ve harbored bitterness towards. Hey, this person you’ve harbored bitterness towards.” And you know what I ended up doing? I ended up asking someone who I care about and love deeply to be my accountability person, and I actively went to those people who had hurt me, who I had bitterness towards, and I sought to make amends and reconciliation. And that was so hard because I had to acknowledge, “Hey, I had a say in this as well.”

And so, fast forward to now, God has really shown me that he calls hurt people to minister and to serve others. Because it’s in those moments of hurt and pain that I think our faith in Christ is refined. I think when you’ve been hurt by someone, how you respond really does show your heart and show where you’re at.

This leads to another question. What then are we to do, oh Christ-follower and lover of Jesus?

Let’s look at these following verses and let God’s Word be the soothing balm that ministers to your heart right now.

Colossians 3:5-14 (NLT)
5 So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.
6 Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming.
7 You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world.
8 But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. (Notice it says Now is the time)
9 Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds.
10 Put on your new nature…


And I love that; it’s an analogy of clothing yourself – we all wake up and put clothes on, and you all are wearing some type of shoe. Did you magically have your shoe put on? That would be weird. You had to make a decision and say I’m going to put these shoes on. And some of you had to lace your shoes. Some of you slid your foot right in. It’s this idea that you have to choose to do this.

10 Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him.
11 In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.
12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you.

 
I love that part. What does it look like to make an allowance for other’s faults? What does that mean? It literally means choose not to act in a moment where you see someone else’s sinful nature or maybe perceive an offense that may not be there. It’s giving grace. This is grace. This is love.

This is God’s grace and love at work in your life to make an allowance for another person’s fault because, guess what? You are not perfect. I am not perfect. I’m going to say or do something or maybe not look at you, or maybe look at you, or whatever it is in this world that causes someone to get offended; I’m going to probably do that. And it’s not that I’m trying to do it. But it’s going to happen.

And my prayer is that when you feel offended, go home and pray about it. And if God shows you, “Jacob really did offend me,” then come to me. Not anybody else. Come to me. But please do it in a way that is loving, kind, and compassionate, and putting on your new nature so that when you come to me, it’s not like a hurricane. I am a reactor sometimes, so when people do that, I react! I’m sure you guys are the same way. It’s this idea God really does want us to love others well. And that combats the root of offense that is found in revenge, wanting people to pay for what we think they have done to us.

And look. I get it. There are things that have been done to us that are not okay. And there are situations where someone has done something to you that was totally wrong; I get it. I do. But there are things that you’ve done to other people as well that were totally wrong. And it’s in those moments where we recognize, “I’ve hurt you, you’ve hurt me. What are we going to do about it?” It’s so powerful as Christ-followers.

13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.


Pastor Dave gave a message one of the first times my wife and I were here. Where he was talking about how you guys as a Body were operating the way that a Body is supposed to operate. I think it was ministering to people who were dealing with Covid, and other various needs that were happening. And for me, that was one of the reasons why I personally chose to want to stay here because I want to be a part of a Body and a family who understands what it looks like to operate as a Body and a family. There’re some rebels in here, there are some degenerates in here (which I am), but thank God that we’ve been born again, amen? And I would much rather be a part of this family than a family that doesn’t get this right. That doesn’t understand that one of my roles here is to love and to serve you guys, to love and serve others.

But why? Why must we hear and do what Paul commands in these verses in Colossians? Look with me at Romans 12, verses 15-16 and 18.

Romans 12:15-16 & 18 (ESV)
15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.


The reality is this.

1). When we actively choose to make allowance for each other’s faults, we allow the Holy Spirit to cut away at our bitter root of offense and revenge.
2). When we actively choose to forgive anyone who offends us, past, present, and future, we allow the Holy Spirit to cut away at our bitter root of offense and revenge.
3). When we remember that Jesus Christ first forgave us our sins, even when we did not deserve God’s grace, forgiveness, and were deserving of righteous judgment, we allow the Holy Spirit to cut away at our bitter root of offense and revenge.

What do you think the Holy Spirit wants to do this morning in us? I think, if we have the bitter root of offense in our hearts because we want somebody to pay for what they have done to us, that Holy Spirit wants to take that from us.

4). When we clothe ourselves with Christ’s love, we allow the Holy Spirit to cut away at our bitter root of offense and revenge.
5). When we put on our new nature rooted in Christ, we allow the Holy Spirit to open our eyes to see the needs of others and enter into opportunities to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. We function the way the Body of Christ was meant to function.

I don’t know about you, but this has always been a really good test of where my heart is at. Whenever somebody that I know is rejoicing and has something really exciting happens in their life, am I quick to rejoice with them, or do I have a heart of jealousy? Do I not find that I want to rejoice with them when God is doing an amazing thing in their hearts? It’s the same thing when we weep with those who weep. If I have a root of bitterness, of offense, and revenge in my heart, I am not going to notice moments when God is actively calling me to minister to somebody who is broken, who is hurting, who literally just needs someone to be there to say I’m here and I’m with you in the present. I know you’re hurting. I’m here.

6). When we see the needs of others both outside and inside the Body of Christ, it keeps us from becoming prideful and arrogant because it isn’t about us. And guess what? This actually helps us maintain peace with each other and with those God has commanded us to love as we love ourselves.

So then, what do we do when we are faced with a very real situation where we have the potential possibility to take matters into our own hands and seek to avenge ourselves?

Let’s look at verse 19.

Romans 12:19 (ESV)
19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”


I was in the military, lost my hand in Iraq. And this was a number of years ago. And it was around the time when Osama Bin Laden had been killed, and I remember (I think I was at Revival) sitting in a service of hundreds of people, and I was all the way to the right. And I remember the announcement was made “We got him. He’s dead. Osama Bin Laden is dead!” And mostly everybody erupted in praise and were clapping. And I was sitting down, and I was looking around, and I thought, why are these people who are professing to be Christ-followers praising the fact that someone has been eternally damned for life?

And look, I’m not saying that what happened to the lives of those people who were lost as a result of 9/11 and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, and the people who have given their lives in sacrifice and pursuit of our freedom – I’m not saying their sacrifice is invalid. But what I am saying is this. When Christ-followers celebrate the death of someone and potentially their eternal damnation, that makes me sad. Because I think more than anybody (not in this room, but in that moment), I had the right to say, “Thank you, God, this evil person is no longer here.” But I was able to see deeper than that and remember, “Hey, wait a second. That’s a person too.” And I think at some point, I don’t know, he probably didn’t, but at some point, there may have been an opportunity for Osama Bin Laden to accept Christ. He didn’t, probably.

What I am getting at is this. It is not my place or your place to pronounce judgment or revenge on somebody else regardless of how evil that person is. That’s God’s job, not ours.

Look with me at our final two verses in Romans Chapter 12.

Romans 12:20-21 (ESV)
20 To the contrary 
(instead), “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.


I have one final question for us to ask ourselves this morning.

Do we really want to destroy and kill that perceived enemy of ours this morning? Because that’s what you are doing when you are holding on to this idea and desire that you want the person that has hurt you to be judged based on your standard of what that looks like. That’s what we are doing this morning when we’re thinking that way – you want that person to be destroyed and killed.

And if that’s you this morning, then I challenge us (I am a part of that too) to look in the mirror and ask the hard question… Are we the ones who need that bitter root of offense ripped from our heart this morning? Have we become the enemy of a friend?

If not, then my next challenge for us this morning is to make our enemy a friend. I didn’t say that – President Abraham Lincoln said that. Think about him for a moment. He was probably considered an enemy to a lot of people – during the Civil War, there were probably a lot of people who were trying to seek his life. And so, if he could say if you want to get rid of an enemy, you make them your friend, how do you do that? You pray for them. You intercede on their behalf. If possible, you seek to make reconciliation. Above all else, start with your own heart. Look into your heart and ask, have I allowed a bitter root of offense to take hold which is crippling me from doing this?

Remember family, that all of us, at one time, were enemies of God. We deserved to be destroyed and killed for our transgressions and sins against a holy and righteous God.

Again, I want scripture to be the soothing balm that covers and comes across your heart.

Ephesians 2:1-10 (NLT)
1 Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins.
2 You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God.
3 All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.
4 But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much,
5 that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)
6 For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus.
7 So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus.
8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God.
9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.
10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.


Family, this morning, our challenge together is not only to overcome evil with good, but as you do that, really ask the Holy Spirit to examine your heart, and ask him to let you know if there is someone in your life that you have a bitter root of offense and revenge towards – someone that you think deserves to be judged based on your own expectations. This could be your wife, your brother, this could be your mom, this could be someone who has passed away, and you never had the opportunity to forgive them or have that conversation with them. It could be your co-worker. Examine your heart. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you who that person is.

My challenge to you this morning is don’t let the root of bitter offense and revenge steal your joy from going out this morning and being used to encourage someone. This message was weighty. But there is hope in this message too because we are supposed to be different. We are supposed to act differently. We’re supposed to talk differently. We’re supposed to be different. Why? So that God gets the glory.

Because one day I hope that I will see those men in Heaven who tried to kill me so that I will be able to rejoice with them and say, “Thank you, God, that you allowed this hurt, you allowed this trauma, you allowed this pain to come into my life so that I might be directed to pray for these men’s salvation so that God, you would be glorified, and your name (and your name alone) would be praised.”