The 'S' Word is for Everyone
Session 6
The ‘S’ Word is For Everyone
Pastor Dave Shepardson, wordbymail.com
Welcome back to God's Design for Marriage - Session 6
Let me clear up one thing right away . . . the "S" word is not "SEX."
The failure rate among Christian marriages is astounding; it's basically the same as non-believers. That doesn’t surprise us when we realize that surveys show most Christians operate their marriages the same way non-Christians do, leading to the same divorce statistics.
God intends marriage to be the greatest blessing on earth (next to our relationship with him), and he has a design to make that happen. All we have to do is align our marriages with his design, and we won’t become a divorce statistic in the church. One critical way for us to get in alignment with God’s design is to embrace the truth about the ‘S’ word. There are two things we need to know about the ‘S’ word;
1) The ‘S’ word is for EVERYONE
2) The ‘S’ word is the KEY to the correct FUNCTIONING of your marriage
Jon Courson says, “The ‘S’ word is the key to harmony in all relationships; spouses (marriage), houses (families), and mouses (work).” It's the key to making every relationship function smoothly, especially marriage.
Session 6 M.I.P. (Most Important Point)
Relationships function correctly when they are aligned with God’s design. Relationships are dysfunctional when they are aligned with our self-will.
I haven't said the ‘S’ word yet because I first need to allow you to crucify your self-will so you can hear and receive what God has to say.
So, let's pray.
Heavenly Father, please reveal to us the importance of this word and show us how you've designed all relationships to function on the foundation of this word. Show us something that we haven't seen before. Lord, re-align us because we have been misaligned by our self-nature and our culture. I pray you would soften our hearts so that we would hear your Word. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Are you ready for me to say the ‘S’ word without you feeling rebellion rising up in your heart? If you're ready, here it is. . .
The ‘S’ word is . . . SUBMISSION. There. I've said it. It's out.
Immediately, some of you have a battle going on inside of you. Please recognize that battle you feel is not from God. It is your flesh battling with God on this critical subject. And we must crucify our flesh to win that battle and hear from God.
This word causes a battle between our flesh and God’s Spirit because we are consumed with the all-encompassing question: “What about ME?” Our flesh is always crying out, "If I actually accept God's design in this area, how am I going to get what I want?" But that is us losing our battle with the flesh. We must hear and receive this; the ‘S’ word is for everyone.
Ephesians 5:21 says (NLT)
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
And 1 Peter 5:5 says (NKJV)
5 . . . Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility . . .
Submitting to one another (Eph 5:21).
Be submissive to one another (1 Pet 5:5).
Some of us have never heard God say submit to one another in our marriage. So, what does the word “submission” actually mean?
The Greek word is hupotassō, and it comes from two words:
hupo = by, under, with
tasso = to arrange, assign, appoint
The most common definition is to arrange under. The word, submission, is most frequently used to denote order and functionality in relationships. It means to arrange under, assign by, or appoint with. However, that is only one use of this powerful word.
In the LESSER Sense - this word applies to order and functionality in a relationship.
In the GREATER Sense - this word applies to coming underneath to support, carry, or bear the burden. And in this greater sense, this word applies to EVERY single one of us in ALL of our relationships.
Ephesians 5:21 says (NLT)
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Submitting to one another means all relationships involve submission. And we are called to reverence for Christ. This means it is regardless of whether a person deserves it. We are called to submit to one another out of our love and reverence for Jesus Christ. We arrange ourselves under one another and align ourselves UNDER one another to support and help carry the burden out of our love and reverence for God! This is the greater sense (purpose) for the word hupotassō.
I am not saying God has given men and women the same roles. I am saying both of our roles include submission.
Hupotassō is used in 32 verses in the New Testament
Jesus to His parents - Luke 2:51
Demons to the name of Jesus - Luke 2:51
Creation to God - Romans 8:20
Christians to government - Romans 13:1
Church members to leaders - 1 Corinthians 16:16
Christ to the Father - 1 Corinthians 15:28
Submitting to one another in the fear of God makes every relationship right. But our flesh rebels so much that instead of just believing God by faith, we are always looking for loopholes.
The word "submission" is about how God designed relationships to work. In its lesser sense, submission is about order and functionality. In its greater sense, it is about setting your "self" aside and coming underneath another. And in your marriage, its purpose is to enable you to experience the blessing of becoming one flesh. You sacrificially place yourself underneath your spouse to help bear their burden at the expense of your self-will.
The word “submission” does not mean subservient, inferior, or not having any rights. “Submitting to one another” means you set your self-will aside and serve the good of your spouse. Consider what would happen if we applied the world’s logic regarding this word to Jesus:
1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)
3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
The head of Christ is God? Now, wait just a minute. Jesus must be living in the dark ages. “Jesus, don't You know you have equal rights with God?” Poor Jesus, having to live under that archaic system! Guys, that is us distorting the idea of submission.
Here's a question: if Jesus Christ had the same feeling toward submission that many of us in the church do, where would we all be heading for eternity? Without Jesus Christ choosing a life of total submission, you and I would be headed straight to hell right now. The greatest act of submission in the universe is the act that gets you into heaven. Do you really want to say to Jesus, "Well, I appreciate your submission for my salvation. . . but don't try to force that on me because I’ve got my own ideas on that."
The ‘S’ word is for everyone, and Jesus is our supreme example.
There is submission in the GREATER SENSE, which is us setting aside our self-will and coming underneath someone else.
And there is submission in the LESSER SENSE, which is us having regard for order and functionality in a relationship.
Let's look briefly at submission in the lesser sense.
John 14:28(b) (NKJV)
28 . . . If you loved Me, you would rejoice because I said, ‘I am going to the Father,’ for My Father is greater than I.
Here, Jesus is not talking about coming underneath the Father in the greater sense of the word translated submission. He is talking about roles. He is talking about order and functionality in the Godhead. The Father is ‘greater than’ Jesus, not in essence, nature, or value, but in order and function in their roles in the Godhead. The Son willingly submits to the Father, not because of superiority, but because of functionality and role in the relationship.
In all relationships, there must be roles of function: church, work, family, and marriage. The "S" word is the key to making all these relationships function correctly (especially marriage).
Let's return to submission in the greater sense (to which we all are called). Submission (in the greater sense) is us sacrificing our ‘self’ for the other's good. Submitting to one another in the greater sense is when both husband and wife say, “I am willing to set my ‘self’ aside (to crucify my self-will) to come under you, to help bear your burden.” And there is no more impactful demonstration of this greater sense of submission than what Jesus Christ has done for us.
Look at this demonstration in Philippians Chapter 2, of Jesus Christ lowering himself and coming under us to carry our burden of sin.
Philippians 2:3–8 (NLT)
3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.
4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.
7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,
8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
Jesus Christ willingly set aside all of his divine rights. He emptied Himself completely (was ‘poured out'). He submitted himself to death for your good. And Philippians 2:5 says; You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. That is the level of submission we are called to in our marriages. If your marriage functions smoothly today, I promise you this key ingredient is at work. Each spouse is sacrificially seeking the other spouse's good at their own expense, just like Jesus did for us.
Now, let's look at how this truth gets twisted up so often.
It gets twisted up by us just ‘dropping in’ to that infamous verse most commonly used to teach the ‘S’ word in marriage. Let's try just dropping into that one single verse. We’ll use the ESV to demonstrate how most people hear this concept from God’s Word.
Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
When presented like this, too often, women do all they can to avoid hearing this verse, and too often, men do all they can to capitalize on this verse. But most often, neither sees this verse being taught in context. Look at how well the NLT handles verse 22 - in context. We’ll include the previous verse (21) to make it clear.
Ephesians 5:21-22 (NLT)
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Notice the transition from verse 21 to verse 22. And further, submit to one another. . . and then it continues, for wives, this means . . .
Reread it one more time to see that verse 21 leads to more than one relationship, and verse 22 is the first relationship listed based on us submitting to one another.
And then verse 25 says for husbands this means . . . and then following that, for parents and children this means. . . and then following that, for employers and employees this means. . . And the same context goes all the way to Ephesians 6:9.
The context of submission does not start in Ephesians 5:22. It begins all the way back up in Ephesians 5, verse 1.
Ephesians 5:1–2 (NLT)
1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.
2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
Then, for the following fifteen verses, we are encouraged to walk in love, light, wisdom, and finally . . . to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 5:18(b) (ESV)
18 . . . be filled with the Holy Spirit,
This is a ‘continual command.’ It implies always (continually) being filled with the Holy Spirit.
Then, Ephesians 5:19-21 is the result (the fruit) of being continually filled with the Spirit. There are three results (fruits) of being continually filled with the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 5:19–21 (ESV)
19 (1) addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,
20 (2) giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
21 (3) submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
These are the ‘fruits’ of being filled with the Spirit, and they are all commands in the CONTINUAL tense - meaning always be living this way. Then, verse 21 (submitting to one another) is a transitional statement that kicks off the following twenty verses.
So, the roles of the husband and wife that start in verse 22 are actually a continuation of the thought from verse 18, being filled with the Holy Spirit. And the following twenty verses tell us what this looks like in six primary relationships.
5:22 - Wives to Husbands
5:25 - Husbands to Wives
6:1 - Children to Parents
6:4 - Parents to Children
6:5 - Employees to Employers
6:9 - Employers to Employees
Six different relationships, all relating to the transitional verse 21, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ,” which results from being filled with the Spirit in verse 18.
Ephesians 5:22 causes such an adverse reaction because we often make the mistake of just diving into the text right there. However, Biblical submission is not a one-sided rule, and it is definitely not for an authoritative husband to use to control his wife or children.
Regarding roles in the marriage, submission is about aligning ourselves with God's design. But the secret ingredient in God's design to make every relationship work - is us submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ makes you humble, not controlling. Gentle, not abusive. And others-centered, not self-centered. Submitting to one another (in the greater sense) is about esteeming our spouse higher than ourselves and sacrificing our self-will for their good.
Submitting to one another (in the greater sense) does not negate the LESSER SENSE of the word, such as in the roles of husband and wife. These roles are still critical for God's design to work. But, in the GREATER SENSE, when we are both submitting to one another, we are placing ourselves underneath one another to strengthen and bear up one another – to become one flesh.
In the GREATER SENSE, submission means not demanding our own way. It's not fighting for our own opinions, desires, or needs, but instead, it is placing our own needs underneath what is best for our spouse and what is best for our marriage. As soon as we begin to obey God in this area, we will begin to experience the blessings that come from choosing God’s will over our self-will. Submitting to one another in the greater sense of sacrificing our self-will for the other person’s good is the secret to all godly relationships - especially the marriage relationship.
Response Time
Here are your questions. You can respond to your spouse with a commitment after each question or after you read and discuss both questions.
1) Are you willing to humble yourself and consider your spouse better (esteem them higher) than yourself? (Phil 2:3)
2) Are you willing to have the same attitude in your marriage that Jesus Christ had for you, when he gave up his divine privileges for you? (Phil 2:7)
Let's pray: “Heavenly Father, thank you for the power of your Holy Spirit living in me. I surrender my self-will to your design for my marriage. Please give me the power to esteem my spouse higher than myself, to empty my "self" for the good of my spouse, and to come underneath my spouse for their good. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Don’t miss out on doing your homework . . .
Understanding the “S” word
Session 6 - Homework # 1
SCRIPTURE: Phil 2:3-8 Date____________
PRAY TOGETHER
REVIEW
From your workbook, write briefly about the GREATER and LESSER sense of the word translated “submission” (the “S” word).
The GREATER Sense ___________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
The LESSER sense _____________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
In the GREATER sense, WHO does this word apply to, and in WHAT relationships?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
LISTEN
Read Phil 2:3-8 slowly. Write out just verse 5.
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
THINK
Is there any reason that the description of Jesus Christ’s submission (in the greater sense) described in these verses does NOT apply to you?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
In your own words, write what Phil 2:3-8 says Jesus did for us. Then, write how you are called to apply that to your marriage or relationship.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
How can you tangibly begin to do this in your marriage today?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
PRAY TOGETHER
Pray together specifically about applying these verses in your marriage.
The Ephesians 5 Context
Session 6 - Homework # 2
SCRIPTURE: Eph 5:1-2 & 15-21 Date __________________
PRAY TOGETHER
LISTEN
Read Eph 5:1-2
THINK
What example of Christ are you called to follow that is similar to what you just saw in Phil 2:3-5?
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
LISTEN
Read Eph 5:15-21. The generally accepted interpretation of these verses is that v.18 is the COMMAND (be continually filled with the Spirit), followed by 3 RESULTS (fruit) of being continually filled with the Spirit.
THINK
Write the “Results” (fruit) of being filled with the Spirit in these verses (there are at least 3).
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
THINK
Don’t leave this text too quickly. Read verses 1-2 and verses 15-21 again.
If your Bible breaks the text between verses 20 and 21, remember those breaks are not inspired. The original manuscript flows without breaks.
Most scholars see vs. 21 as the “Transition” verse from the results of being filled with the Spirit to what it looks like when we are submitting to one another.
Write briefly about how submitting to one another is tied to being filled with the Spirit in the verses that came before vs. 21, and is an introduction to the teaching on marriage in the verses that follow vs. 21.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
PRAY TOGETHER
Pastor Dave Shepardson, wordbymail.com
Welcome back to God's Design for Marriage - Session 6
Let me clear up one thing right away . . . the "S" word is not "SEX."
The failure rate among Christian marriages is astounding; it's basically the same as non-believers. That doesn’t surprise us when we realize that surveys show most Christians operate their marriages the same way non-Christians do, leading to the same divorce statistics.
God intends marriage to be the greatest blessing on earth (next to our relationship with him), and he has a design to make that happen. All we have to do is align our marriages with his design, and we won’t become a divorce statistic in the church. One critical way for us to get in alignment with God’s design is to embrace the truth about the ‘S’ word. There are two things we need to know about the ‘S’ word;
1) The ‘S’ word is for EVERYONE
2) The ‘S’ word is the KEY to the correct FUNCTIONING of your marriage
Jon Courson says, “The ‘S’ word is the key to harmony in all relationships; spouses (marriage), houses (families), and mouses (work).” It's the key to making every relationship function smoothly, especially marriage.
Session 6 M.I.P. (Most Important Point)
Relationships function correctly when they are aligned with God’s design. Relationships are dysfunctional when they are aligned with our self-will.
I haven't said the ‘S’ word yet because I first need to allow you to crucify your self-will so you can hear and receive what God has to say.
So, let's pray.
Heavenly Father, please reveal to us the importance of this word and show us how you've designed all relationships to function on the foundation of this word. Show us something that we haven't seen before. Lord, re-align us because we have been misaligned by our self-nature and our culture. I pray you would soften our hearts so that we would hear your Word. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Are you ready for me to say the ‘S’ word without you feeling rebellion rising up in your heart? If you're ready, here it is. . .
The ‘S’ word is . . . SUBMISSION. There. I've said it. It's out.
Immediately, some of you have a battle going on inside of you. Please recognize that battle you feel is not from God. It is your flesh battling with God on this critical subject. And we must crucify our flesh to win that battle and hear from God.
This word causes a battle between our flesh and God’s Spirit because we are consumed with the all-encompassing question: “What about ME?” Our flesh is always crying out, "If I actually accept God's design in this area, how am I going to get what I want?" But that is us losing our battle with the flesh. We must hear and receive this; the ‘S’ word is for everyone.
Ephesians 5:21 says (NLT)
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
And 1 Peter 5:5 says (NKJV)
5 . . . Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility . . .
Submitting to one another (Eph 5:21).
Be submissive to one another (1 Pet 5:5).
Some of us have never heard God say submit to one another in our marriage. So, what does the word “submission” actually mean?
The Greek word is hupotassō, and it comes from two words:
hupo = by, under, with
tasso = to arrange, assign, appoint
The most common definition is to arrange under. The word, submission, is most frequently used to denote order and functionality in relationships. It means to arrange under, assign by, or appoint with. However, that is only one use of this powerful word.
In the LESSER Sense - this word applies to order and functionality in a relationship.
In the GREATER Sense - this word applies to coming underneath to support, carry, or bear the burden. And in this greater sense, this word applies to EVERY single one of us in ALL of our relationships.
Ephesians 5:21 says (NLT)
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Submitting to one another means all relationships involve submission. And we are called to reverence for Christ. This means it is regardless of whether a person deserves it. We are called to submit to one another out of our love and reverence for Jesus Christ. We arrange ourselves under one another and align ourselves UNDER one another to support and help carry the burden out of our love and reverence for God! This is the greater sense (purpose) for the word hupotassō.
I am not saying God has given men and women the same roles. I am saying both of our roles include submission.
Hupotassō is used in 32 verses in the New Testament
Jesus to His parents - Luke 2:51
Demons to the name of Jesus - Luke 2:51
Creation to God - Romans 8:20
Christians to government - Romans 13:1
Church members to leaders - 1 Corinthians 16:16
Christ to the Father - 1 Corinthians 15:28
Submitting to one another in the fear of God makes every relationship right. But our flesh rebels so much that instead of just believing God by faith, we are always looking for loopholes.
The word "submission" is about how God designed relationships to work. In its lesser sense, submission is about order and functionality. In its greater sense, it is about setting your "self" aside and coming underneath another. And in your marriage, its purpose is to enable you to experience the blessing of becoming one flesh. You sacrificially place yourself underneath your spouse to help bear their burden at the expense of your self-will.
The word “submission” does not mean subservient, inferior, or not having any rights. “Submitting to one another” means you set your self-will aside and serve the good of your spouse. Consider what would happen if we applied the world’s logic regarding this word to Jesus:
1 Corinthians 11:3 (ESV)
3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.
The head of Christ is God? Now, wait just a minute. Jesus must be living in the dark ages. “Jesus, don't You know you have equal rights with God?” Poor Jesus, having to live under that archaic system! Guys, that is us distorting the idea of submission.
Here's a question: if Jesus Christ had the same feeling toward submission that many of us in the church do, where would we all be heading for eternity? Without Jesus Christ choosing a life of total submission, you and I would be headed straight to hell right now. The greatest act of submission in the universe is the act that gets you into heaven. Do you really want to say to Jesus, "Well, I appreciate your submission for my salvation. . . but don't try to force that on me because I’ve got my own ideas on that."
The ‘S’ word is for everyone, and Jesus is our supreme example.
There is submission in the GREATER SENSE, which is us setting aside our self-will and coming underneath someone else.
And there is submission in the LESSER SENSE, which is us having regard for order and functionality in a relationship.
Let's look briefly at submission in the lesser sense.
John 14:28(b) (NKJV)
28 . . . If you loved Me, you would rejoice because I said, ‘I am going to the Father,’ for My Father is greater than I.
Here, Jesus is not talking about coming underneath the Father in the greater sense of the word translated submission. He is talking about roles. He is talking about order and functionality in the Godhead. The Father is ‘greater than’ Jesus, not in essence, nature, or value, but in order and function in their roles in the Godhead. The Son willingly submits to the Father, not because of superiority, but because of functionality and role in the relationship.
In all relationships, there must be roles of function: church, work, family, and marriage. The "S" word is the key to making all these relationships function correctly (especially marriage).
Let's return to submission in the greater sense (to which we all are called). Submission (in the greater sense) is us sacrificing our ‘self’ for the other's good. Submitting to one another in the greater sense is when both husband and wife say, “I am willing to set my ‘self’ aside (to crucify my self-will) to come under you, to help bear your burden.” And there is no more impactful demonstration of this greater sense of submission than what Jesus Christ has done for us.
Look at this demonstration in Philippians Chapter 2, of Jesus Christ lowering himself and coming under us to carry our burden of sin.
Philippians 2:3–8 (NLT)
3 Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.
4 Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
5 You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.
6 Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to.
7 Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form,
8 he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.
Jesus Christ willingly set aside all of his divine rights. He emptied Himself completely (was ‘poured out'). He submitted himself to death for your good. And Philippians 2:5 says; You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. That is the level of submission we are called to in our marriages. If your marriage functions smoothly today, I promise you this key ingredient is at work. Each spouse is sacrificially seeking the other spouse's good at their own expense, just like Jesus did for us.
Now, let's look at how this truth gets twisted up so often.
It gets twisted up by us just ‘dropping in’ to that infamous verse most commonly used to teach the ‘S’ word in marriage. Let's try just dropping into that one single verse. We’ll use the ESV to demonstrate how most people hear this concept from God’s Word.
Ephesians 5:22 (ESV)
22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
When presented like this, too often, women do all they can to avoid hearing this verse, and too often, men do all they can to capitalize on this verse. But most often, neither sees this verse being taught in context. Look at how well the NLT handles verse 22 - in context. We’ll include the previous verse (21) to make it clear.
Ephesians 5:21-22 (NLT)
21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Notice the transition from verse 21 to verse 22. And further, submit to one another. . . and then it continues, for wives, this means . . .
Reread it one more time to see that verse 21 leads to more than one relationship, and verse 22 is the first relationship listed based on us submitting to one another.
And then verse 25 says for husbands this means . . . and then following that, for parents and children this means. . . and then following that, for employers and employees this means. . . And the same context goes all the way to Ephesians 6:9.
The context of submission does not start in Ephesians 5:22. It begins all the way back up in Ephesians 5, verse 1.
Ephesians 5:1–2 (NLT)
1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.
2 Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.
Then, for the following fifteen verses, we are encouraged to walk in love, light, wisdom, and finally . . . to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 5:18(b) (ESV)
18 . . . be filled with the Holy Spirit,
This is a ‘continual command.’ It implies always (continually) being filled with the Holy Spirit.
Then, Ephesians 5:19-21 is the result (the fruit) of being continually filled with the Spirit. There are three results (fruits) of being continually filled with the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 5:19–21 (ESV)
19 (1) addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,
20 (2) giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
21 (3) submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
These are the ‘fruits’ of being filled with the Spirit, and they are all commands in the CONTINUAL tense - meaning always be living this way. Then, verse 21 (submitting to one another) is a transitional statement that kicks off the following twenty verses.
So, the roles of the husband and wife that start in verse 22 are actually a continuation of the thought from verse 18, being filled with the Holy Spirit. And the following twenty verses tell us what this looks like in six primary relationships.
5:22 - Wives to Husbands
5:25 - Husbands to Wives
6:1 - Children to Parents
6:4 - Parents to Children
6:5 - Employees to Employers
6:9 - Employers to Employees
Six different relationships, all relating to the transitional verse 21, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ,” which results from being filled with the Spirit in verse 18.
Ephesians 5:22 causes such an adverse reaction because we often make the mistake of just diving into the text right there. However, Biblical submission is not a one-sided rule, and it is definitely not for an authoritative husband to use to control his wife or children.
Regarding roles in the marriage, submission is about aligning ourselves with God's design. But the secret ingredient in God's design to make every relationship work - is us submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ makes you humble, not controlling. Gentle, not abusive. And others-centered, not self-centered. Submitting to one another (in the greater sense) is about esteeming our spouse higher than ourselves and sacrificing our self-will for their good.
Submitting to one another (in the greater sense) does not negate the LESSER SENSE of the word, such as in the roles of husband and wife. These roles are still critical for God's design to work. But, in the GREATER SENSE, when we are both submitting to one another, we are placing ourselves underneath one another to strengthen and bear up one another – to become one flesh.
In the GREATER SENSE, submission means not demanding our own way. It's not fighting for our own opinions, desires, or needs, but instead, it is placing our own needs underneath what is best for our spouse and what is best for our marriage. As soon as we begin to obey God in this area, we will begin to experience the blessings that come from choosing God’s will over our self-will. Submitting to one another in the greater sense of sacrificing our self-will for the other person’s good is the secret to all godly relationships - especially the marriage relationship.
Response Time
Here are your questions. You can respond to your spouse with a commitment after each question or after you read and discuss both questions.
1) Are you willing to humble yourself and consider your spouse better (esteem them higher) than yourself? (Phil 2:3)
2) Are you willing to have the same attitude in your marriage that Jesus Christ had for you, when he gave up his divine privileges for you? (Phil 2:7)
Let's pray: “Heavenly Father, thank you for the power of your Holy Spirit living in me. I surrender my self-will to your design for my marriage. Please give me the power to esteem my spouse higher than myself, to empty my "self" for the good of my spouse, and to come underneath my spouse for their good. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Don’t miss out on doing your homework . . .
Understanding the “S” word
Session 6 - Homework # 1
SCRIPTURE: Phil 2:3-8 Date____________
PRAY TOGETHER
REVIEW
From your workbook, write briefly about the GREATER and LESSER sense of the word translated “submission” (the “S” word).
The GREATER Sense ___________________________________________________
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The LESSER sense _____________________________________________________
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In the GREATER sense, WHO does this word apply to, and in WHAT relationships?
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LISTEN
Read Phil 2:3-8 slowly. Write out just verse 5.
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THINK
Is there any reason that the description of Jesus Christ’s submission (in the greater sense) described in these verses does NOT apply to you?
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In your own words, write what Phil 2:3-8 says Jesus did for us. Then, write how you are called to apply that to your marriage or relationship.
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How can you tangibly begin to do this in your marriage today?
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PRAY TOGETHER
Pray together specifically about applying these verses in your marriage.
The Ephesians 5 Context
Session 6 - Homework # 2
SCRIPTURE: Eph 5:1-2 & 15-21 Date __________________
PRAY TOGETHER
LISTEN
Read Eph 5:1-2
THINK
What example of Christ are you called to follow that is similar to what you just saw in Phil 2:3-5?
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LISTEN
Read Eph 5:15-21. The generally accepted interpretation of these verses is that v.18 is the COMMAND (be continually filled with the Spirit), followed by 3 RESULTS (fruit) of being continually filled with the Spirit.
THINK
Write the “Results” (fruit) of being filled with the Spirit in these verses (there are at least 3).
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THINK
Don’t leave this text too quickly. Read verses 1-2 and verses 15-21 again.
If your Bible breaks the text between verses 20 and 21, remember those breaks are not inspired. The original manuscript flows without breaks.
Most scholars see vs. 21 as the “Transition” verse from the results of being filled with the Spirit to what it looks like when we are submitting to one another.
Write briefly about how submitting to one another is tied to being filled with the Spirit in the verses that came before vs. 21, and is an introduction to the teaching on marriage in the verses that follow vs. 21.
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PRAY TOGETHER