Living in Our Roles
Session 9
Living in Our Roles
Pastor Dave Shepardson, wordbymail.com
Welcome back to God's Design for Marriage - Session 9
We’ve been talking about our roles in marriage for three sessions: "The ‘S’ Word is for Everyone," “The Role of the Wife,” and “The Role of the Husband.” Now, we try to turn all that into practical application with the question, “How do we live in our roles?” How do we walk in (and grow in) our roles as God designed them? How do we allow the Word of God to actually change our marriages? Let’s remember we’re talking about God’s design for marriage. We’re not talking about another good idea from the world's wisdom. We’re talking about God’s supernatural, divine design for marriage.
So, here is the Most Important Point for “Living In Our Roles.”
Session 9 – Most Important Point
Present your ‘self’ to be consumed by God and be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
To get started, let’s first look at examples of our roles. Then, we’ll look at how we can allow the Word of God to begin to transform our marriages.
We want to know how we can begin to live (moment by moment) in our roles. But before answering that question, let’s see some examples of living in our roles.
Living in the Husband’s Role
God’s Design for the Role of the Husband is to
We could study the New Testament for the rest of our lives to see how Christ sacrificially led and sacrificially loved the church (and we should). But today, we can only look at one example of Jesus leading and loving his bride, the Church.
In John 13, Jesus faced his greatest hour of trial and testing. He was carrying the tremendous burden of knowing he was about to be betrayed, arrested, beaten, and crucified. Jesus was facing a burden greater than any husband would ever face. Yet, he set aside his burden and stress and became a servant leader to lead and love his disciples. And he ended this example by saying, “Now you follow my example, do as I do.”
John 13:1 (NLT)
1 Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end (or completely, to the uttermost).
He’s going to demonstrate his love to them right now, but ultimately, his loving them “to the uttermost” would cost Jesus his life.
John 13:2 (NLT)
2 It was time for supper, and the devil had already prompted Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus (which Jesus knew).
John 13:3-5 (NLT)
3 Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God.
4 So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist,
5 and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him.
Husbands, that is what sacrificial love looks like. Setting aside our feelings, stresses, and trials, and doing something sacrificial for your wife to wash away the effects of the day. Jesus was washing the dirt and grime of the day off of his bride.
Men, listen closely. Although Jesus Christ is the head of the Church, he never asked the Church to do one thing for his personal benefit. Though he is the Head of the Church, his actions and focus were always for the benefit of the Church, never for his own benefit. Jesus both led the Church and loved the Church by his sacrificial actions.
John 13:12–15 (NLT)
12 After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing?
13 You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am.
14 And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet.
15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.
Men, can you say that to your wife and family? Can you say, “Do as I have done to you?” And do you see how Christ’s leading and loving of the Church was always wrapped up in total humility?
Philippians 2:7 says Christ “emptied himself,” “He made himself nothing,” and he sacrificially loved the Church to his own death. We see that sacrificial love all through the Gospels. In total humility, Jesus Christ put his love into action to serve, heal, and give life to his bride. And at the end of this foot-washing event, Jesus says this to his disciples in John 13, verse 15.
John 13:15 (NLT)
15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.
Maybe you would say, “Yeah, but what if my wife isn’t treating me like she should?” or “What if she isn’t even a believer?”
Look carefully here for the answer to those questions. Judas Iscariot was in the room when Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. Jesus knew what Judas was about to do, and still, he served and loved him just the same.
And Jesus loved and led someone else even while they were his enemy . . . you.
So, you do just what Jesus did. You sacrificially lead her and sacrificially love her. I know the example of Christ sounds almost impossible to reach but take hope. Jesus has also given us the power to be transformed into his image. Generally, our transformation is not instantaneous, but it should always be in increasing measure if we will do our part.
Next, Living In The Wife’s Role
God’s Design for the Role of the Wife is to
Wives, more than anything else, your husband needs your help and support. Let’s start with sacrificially helping, one of the most critical ways to do this is at home. I understand this is more complicated when both husband and wife work outside the home, but look with me in the book of Titus. Here, Paul is instructing the older women in teaching the younger women.
Titus 2:4–5 (NLT)
4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children,
5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.
The Greek word translated as “work in their homes” means to keep watch over or care for the affairs of the house.
In 1 Timothy 5:14, Paul uses the word ‘manage’ the home to instruct young wives, which means to guide or direct the affairs of a household.
The first critical way for a wife to live in her role is to keep watch over, guide, and direct the household's affairs. Again, I understand this requires further discussion when both husband and wife work full-time outside the house.
All I can tell you is that one of the most vital reasons I have been able to fulfill my role in the church for over 40 years is that I have the absolute best manager and guide of household affairs that I could ever ask God for. And if I didn’t, I could not do what I do in the ministry.
Again (for the third time), in a culture where the husband and wife both work outside the home, this requires some extra discussion. But God knew our culture when he wrote the Bible. And I want you to know that one of the best ways a wife can live in her role is to be an excellent manager and guide of the household affairs.
Now, Sacrificially Support.
Wives, I am going to let you in on a little secret. Men are only tough on the outside. Guiding and managing the home is important, but your husband actually has a greater need for your support on the inside. Your husband really needs your encouragement and emotional support on the inside. And one of the vital ingredients for your husband to feel helped and supported is simply this: R E S P E C T
Respect is the “magic ingredient” for your husband to feel supported. Remember we discussed tense, voice, and mood when we looked at the Greek word for love (Agapao) in the last session? The Greek mood aspect of “love” for the husband was the imperative – meaning it was a command by God.
Not so for the word respect. Here, the Greek mood is subjunctive. The subjunctive mood is best defined as making a choice. In other words, from the Greek, we could say, “Wives, choose to respect your husbands.” And often, if a wife will choose to respect her husband as the leader, he will become the leader of your home.
Proverbs 14:1 (NLT)
1 A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
Wives, I promise you, if you want to build your house instead of pulling it down, choose to respect your husbands.
And what if your husband is an unbeliever or just acting like one?
1 Peter 3:1–2 (NLT) says
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over
2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
Wives, if you desire to build your house instead of tearing it down, choose to respect your husband. It will go a long way.
Finally, in Ephesians 5:33, we see the perfect wrap-up verse. In it, we see what both the wife and the husband need.
Ephesians 5:33 (NLT)
33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
WHAT DOES THE WIFE NEED?
She needs to be loved as her husband’s own body.
WHAT DOES THE HUSBAND NEED?
He needs to be respected by his wife.
These are the supernatural ingredients for both husbands and wives to give their spouses what they need the most.
We all may be feeling some pain by now. But, take hope; help is on the way. There is so much more to say about living in our roles that it fills many good Christian books on the subject. But I’ve often found that it’s not that we don’t know what our roles are; it’s that we don’t know how to live in them.
LET’S LOOK AT THE HOW
I want to start the hope and healing part of the message over in 2 Peter Ch 1.
2 Peter 1:2–3 (NLT)
2 May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord.
3 By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence
By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a Godly life. How? By coming to know him, the one who called us to himself.
God has given us everything we need for living a godly life by his divine power. And we have received all of this by coming to know him and growing in our knowledge of him.
2 Peter 1:4 (NLT)
4 And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.
God’s divine knowledge (verse 3) has been given to us by
God’s divine power (verse 3) that through
|God’s divine promises (verse 4) we may share in
God’s divine nature.
This is precisely what we need to have a God-designed marriage!
That is the God-part part. But there is also an our-part part. The our-part part takes real commitment and effort to grow in God’s divine nature. That’s what the following verses are all about. Verses 5 through 8 are all about the our-part part of our divine growth.
2 Peter 1:5–8 (NLT)
5 In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge,
6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness,
7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.
8 The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
This is the our-part part. This is intentionally focusing on our spiritual growth. You can be a partaker of the divine nature in your marriage, but it takes focused effort on your spiritual growth. So, I want to give you a three-step process to begin living in your role as God designed it.
A 3-STEP PROCESS FOR TRANSFORMATION
STEP ONE: Learn to depend on the power of the Holy Spirit. Realize there is not enough “try” in you. You must rely on the divine power of the Holy Spirit.
2 Peter 1:3 (NLT)
3 By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life . . .
This power doesn’t come from within you. It’s not “awaken the giant within you” but “crucify the giant within you.” You can’t awaken the right power because you don’t own it. This power comes from God. It is divine power. It comes in the Person of the Holy Spirit.
John 14:16–17 (NLT)
16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you.
17 He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.
In Acts 1:8 Jesus says, But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you . . .
And Romans 5:5 says . . . the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
By the divine power of the Holy Spirit, we are given all things that pertain to life and goodness. For more on this, study Galatians 5:16-25.
STEP TWO: Present your “self” to be consumed by God. Jesus Christ must live in you to love and sacrifice for your spouse.
Romans 12:1 (NLT)
1 And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.
The word “bodies” here means the totality of yourself (all that you are). And the word “sacrifice” is something “consumed” by God. You must present the totality of your “self” to be consumed by God. WHY? So we can say with Galatians 2, verse 20:
Galatians 2:20 (NLT)
20 My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me . . .
“Self” must be crucified so Jesus Christ can live in you to love and sacrifice for your spouse.
STEP THREE: Be transformed by renewing your mind, BY focusing your spiritual growth on your marriage.
Romans 12:2 (NLT)
2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Don’t copy the way the world does it. Instead, let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Get a renovation of your mind.
God’s divine power can transform you by renewing your mind.
HOW DO WE BEGIN THIS TRANSFORMATION?
A. Daily intake of The Word, prayer, and fellowship.
B. Acknowledging areas that are not fully consumed by God.
C. Focusing your spiritual growth on those specific areas of need.
This almost always involves repentance from sin. This almost always requires forgiveness in your marriage. And this is always empowered by walking in the Spirit.
Again, the three steps to living in our roles;
Step #1 – Learn to depend on the power of the Holy Spirit. Realize there’s not enough “try” in you.
Step #2 – Present your “self” to be consumed by God. So Christ can live in you.
Step #3 – Be transformed by renewing your mind. By focusing your Spiritual growth on your marriage
RESPONSE TIME
If we don’t actively apply these truths, our marriages will return to being the same as before we went through this series. So, please read each of these commitments, then make each commitment, one at a time, verbally, to your spouse. If you are willing, or to the extent that you are willing.
I trust you have taken the time to genuinely consider each of these commitments. And I trust you have made each of them, individually, to your spouse, looking into their eyes.
Let’s Pray:
“Dear Heavenly Father, please don’t allow us to be hearers of your Word only. Please convict us and give us the power to be doers of your Word. Please hold us accountable by your Holy Spirit to pray and read your Word together, and please reveal to us ways we can actively apply your principles in our marriage. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”
And now . . . homework.
Living in our Roles - Pt 1
Session 9 - Homework # 1
SCRIPTURE: Jn 13:1-5 Date ____________
PRAY
LISTEN
Read Jn 13:1-15 (both of you). Read it carefully. Husband, you are in the place of Christ. Wife, you are in the place of the disciples (the Church).
COMMUNICATE
Talk about what this text means in your marriage. Talk about how this picture can be applied to your marriage. In love, be honest. Spend some time talking about this.
RESPOND
Wife - How can your husband best do this for you?
Husband - What will you do to accomplish this for your bride?
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
PRAY TOGETHER
Pray about this subject. Make sure you’ve taken enough time to really think through this, communicate about it in love, and respond to one another. Then, pray for one another regarding what has been discussed.
SCRIPTURE: Titus 2:4-5, 1 Tim 5:14 Date ____________
PRAY
LISTEN
Read Titus 2:4-5 & 1 Tim 5:14. Don’t get ‘off-topic’ here. Try to focus on the words “homemaker” in Titus and “manage the house” in 1 Tim.
COMMUNICATE
Talk about the subject of managing and caring for the household. What does that mean in your marriage? In love, be honest (husbands, be careful). Spend some time talking about what this means within your specific situation.
RESPOND
Husband - What can your wife do to help you in this area?
Wife - How can you better help and support your husband in this area?
____________________________________________________________________________
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PRAY TOGETHER
Pray about this subject. Make sure you’ve taken enough time to really think through this, communicate about it in love, and respond to one another. Then, pray for one another regarding what has been discussed.
Living in Our Roles - Pt 2
Session 9 - Homework # 2
SCRIPTURE: 2 Pet 1:2-8 Date ______________________
PRAY
LISTEN
Read 2 Pet 1:2-8. Read it over a few times in the NLT if you have it (or read it in the workbook).
THINK
Has God given us everything we need to live in our roles as he designed them? (vs 3)
____________________________________________________________________________
Is there an “Our Part” part? Do we have a role? (vs 5)
____________________________________________________________________________
Read over verses 5-7 again. Take a minute to write down what steps you’ve taken to grow in your spiritual maturity.
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
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What steps can you take to continue growing in your spiritual maturity?
____________________________________________________________________________
____________________________________________________________________________
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COMMUNICATE
The 3 steps to changing your life (and marriage) can be summarized as follows;
1) Learn to Depend on the Power of the Holy Spirit
2) Present your ‘Self’ to be consumed by God (Crucify self)
3) Renew your Mind (by focusing your Spiritual Growth)
These steps are simple, but they are NOT easy. Talk together about how you can, together, grow in each of these three areas. Talk about them one at a time.
You may need to consider praying for, and asking for, marriage disciplers (mentors) who can point you in the right direction and help you grow in each of these areas.
Together, make a plan for your spiritual growth; write down the highlights of that plan.
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PRAY
Pray that you would hold each other up, submitting to one another, in order to grow in your spiritual maturity, and in your marriage.
Pastor Dave Shepardson, wordbymail.com
Welcome back to God's Design for Marriage - Session 9
We’ve been talking about our roles in marriage for three sessions: "The ‘S’ Word is for Everyone," “The Role of the Wife,” and “The Role of the Husband.” Now, we try to turn all that into practical application with the question, “How do we live in our roles?” How do we walk in (and grow in) our roles as God designed them? How do we allow the Word of God to actually change our marriages? Let’s remember we’re talking about God’s design for marriage. We’re not talking about another good idea from the world's wisdom. We’re talking about God’s supernatural, divine design for marriage.
So, here is the Most Important Point for “Living In Our Roles.”
Session 9 – Most Important Point
Present your ‘self’ to be consumed by God and be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
To get started, let’s first look at examples of our roles. Then, we’ll look at how we can allow the Word of God to begin to transform our marriages.
We want to know how we can begin to live (moment by moment) in our roles. But before answering that question, let’s see some examples of living in our roles.
Living in the Husband’s Role
God’s Design for the Role of the Husband is to
- Sacrificially lead – Ephesians 5:23.
- Sacrificially love – Ephesians 5:25-29.
We could study the New Testament for the rest of our lives to see how Christ sacrificially led and sacrificially loved the church (and we should). But today, we can only look at one example of Jesus leading and loving his bride, the Church.
In John 13, Jesus faced his greatest hour of trial and testing. He was carrying the tremendous burden of knowing he was about to be betrayed, arrested, beaten, and crucified. Jesus was facing a burden greater than any husband would ever face. Yet, he set aside his burden and stress and became a servant leader to lead and love his disciples. And he ended this example by saying, “Now you follow my example, do as I do.”
John 13:1 (NLT)
1 Before the Passover celebration, Jesus knew that his hour had come to leave this world and return to his Father. He had loved his disciples during his ministry on earth, and now he loved them to the very end (or completely, to the uttermost).
He’s going to demonstrate his love to them right now, but ultimately, his loving them “to the uttermost” would cost Jesus his life.
John 13:2 (NLT)
2 It was time for supper, and the devil had already prompted Judas, son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus (which Jesus knew).
John 13:3-5 (NLT)
3 Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God.
4 So he got up from the table, took off his robe, wrapped a towel around his waist,
5 and poured water into a basin. Then he began to wash the disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel he had around him.
Husbands, that is what sacrificial love looks like. Setting aside our feelings, stresses, and trials, and doing something sacrificial for your wife to wash away the effects of the day. Jesus was washing the dirt and grime of the day off of his bride.
Men, listen closely. Although Jesus Christ is the head of the Church, he never asked the Church to do one thing for his personal benefit. Though he is the Head of the Church, his actions and focus were always for the benefit of the Church, never for his own benefit. Jesus both led the Church and loved the Church by his sacrificial actions.
John 13:12–15 (NLT)
12 After washing their feet, he put on his robe again and sat down and asked, “Do you understand what I was doing?
13 You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and you are right, because that’s what I am.
14 And since I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet.
15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.
Men, can you say that to your wife and family? Can you say, “Do as I have done to you?” And do you see how Christ’s leading and loving of the Church was always wrapped up in total humility?
Philippians 2:7 says Christ “emptied himself,” “He made himself nothing,” and he sacrificially loved the Church to his own death. We see that sacrificial love all through the Gospels. In total humility, Jesus Christ put his love into action to serve, heal, and give life to his bride. And at the end of this foot-washing event, Jesus says this to his disciples in John 13, verse 15.
John 13:15 (NLT)
15 I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you.
Maybe you would say, “Yeah, but what if my wife isn’t treating me like she should?” or “What if she isn’t even a believer?”
Look carefully here for the answer to those questions. Judas Iscariot was in the room when Jesus washed the disciples’ feet. Jesus knew what Judas was about to do, and still, he served and loved him just the same.
And Jesus loved and led someone else even while they were his enemy . . . you.
So, you do just what Jesus did. You sacrificially lead her and sacrificially love her. I know the example of Christ sounds almost impossible to reach but take hope. Jesus has also given us the power to be transformed into his image. Generally, our transformation is not instantaneous, but it should always be in increasing measure if we will do our part.
Next, Living In The Wife’s Role
God’s Design for the Role of the Wife is to
- Sacrificially help – Genesis 2:18
- Sacrificially support – Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, more than anything else, your husband needs your help and support. Let’s start with sacrificially helping, one of the most critical ways to do this is at home. I understand this is more complicated when both husband and wife work outside the home, but look with me in the book of Titus. Here, Paul is instructing the older women in teaching the younger women.
Titus 2:4–5 (NLT)
4 These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children,
5 to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.
The Greek word translated as “work in their homes” means to keep watch over or care for the affairs of the house.
In 1 Timothy 5:14, Paul uses the word ‘manage’ the home to instruct young wives, which means to guide or direct the affairs of a household.
The first critical way for a wife to live in her role is to keep watch over, guide, and direct the household's affairs. Again, I understand this requires further discussion when both husband and wife work full-time outside the house.
All I can tell you is that one of the most vital reasons I have been able to fulfill my role in the church for over 40 years is that I have the absolute best manager and guide of household affairs that I could ever ask God for. And if I didn’t, I could not do what I do in the ministry.
Again (for the third time), in a culture where the husband and wife both work outside the home, this requires some extra discussion. But God knew our culture when he wrote the Bible. And I want you to know that one of the best ways a wife can live in her role is to be an excellent manager and guide of the household affairs.
Now, Sacrificially Support.
Wives, I am going to let you in on a little secret. Men are only tough on the outside. Guiding and managing the home is important, but your husband actually has a greater need for your support on the inside. Your husband really needs your encouragement and emotional support on the inside. And one of the vital ingredients for your husband to feel helped and supported is simply this: R E S P E C T
Respect is the “magic ingredient” for your husband to feel supported. Remember we discussed tense, voice, and mood when we looked at the Greek word for love (Agapao) in the last session? The Greek mood aspect of “love” for the husband was the imperative – meaning it was a command by God.
Not so for the word respect. Here, the Greek mood is subjunctive. The subjunctive mood is best defined as making a choice. In other words, from the Greek, we could say, “Wives, choose to respect your husbands.” And often, if a wife will choose to respect her husband as the leader, he will become the leader of your home.
Proverbs 14:1 (NLT)
1 A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.
Wives, I promise you, if you want to build your house instead of pulling it down, choose to respect your husbands.
And what if your husband is an unbeliever or just acting like one?
1 Peter 3:1–2 (NLT) says
1 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over
2 by observing your pure and reverent lives.
Wives, if you desire to build your house instead of tearing it down, choose to respect your husband. It will go a long way.
Finally, in Ephesians 5:33, we see the perfect wrap-up verse. In it, we see what both the wife and the husband need.
Ephesians 5:33 (NLT)
33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
WHAT DOES THE WIFE NEED?
She needs to be loved as her husband’s own body.
WHAT DOES THE HUSBAND NEED?
He needs to be respected by his wife.
These are the supernatural ingredients for both husbands and wives to give their spouses what they need the most.
We all may be feeling some pain by now. But, take hope; help is on the way. There is so much more to say about living in our roles that it fills many good Christian books on the subject. But I’ve often found that it’s not that we don’t know what our roles are; it’s that we don’t know how to live in them.
LET’S LOOK AT THE HOW
I want to start the hope and healing part of the message over in 2 Peter Ch 1.
2 Peter 1:2–3 (NLT)
2 May God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord.
3 By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence
By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a Godly life. How? By coming to know him, the one who called us to himself.
God has given us everything we need for living a godly life by his divine power. And we have received all of this by coming to know him and growing in our knowledge of him.
2 Peter 1:4 (NLT)
4 And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires.
God’s divine knowledge (verse 3) has been given to us by
God’s divine power (verse 3) that through
|God’s divine promises (verse 4) we may share in
God’s divine nature.
This is precisely what we need to have a God-designed marriage!
That is the God-part part. But there is also an our-part part. The our-part part takes real commitment and effort to grow in God’s divine nature. That’s what the following verses are all about. Verses 5 through 8 are all about the our-part part of our divine growth.
2 Peter 1:5–8 (NLT)
5 In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge,
6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness,
7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.
8 The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
This is the our-part part. This is intentionally focusing on our spiritual growth. You can be a partaker of the divine nature in your marriage, but it takes focused effort on your spiritual growth. So, I want to give you a three-step process to begin living in your role as God designed it.
A 3-STEP PROCESS FOR TRANSFORMATION
STEP ONE: Learn to depend on the power of the Holy Spirit. Realize there is not enough “try” in you. You must rely on the divine power of the Holy Spirit.
2 Peter 1:3 (NLT)
3 By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life . . .
This power doesn’t come from within you. It’s not “awaken the giant within you” but “crucify the giant within you.” You can’t awaken the right power because you don’t own it. This power comes from God. It is divine power. It comes in the Person of the Holy Spirit.
John 14:16–17 (NLT)
16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you.
17 He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you.
In Acts 1:8 Jesus says, But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you . . .
And Romans 5:5 says . . . the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
By the divine power of the Holy Spirit, we are given all things that pertain to life and goodness. For more on this, study Galatians 5:16-25.
STEP TWO: Present your “self” to be consumed by God. Jesus Christ must live in you to love and sacrifice for your spouse.
Romans 12:1 (NLT)
1 And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.
The word “bodies” here means the totality of yourself (all that you are). And the word “sacrifice” is something “consumed” by God. You must present the totality of your “self” to be consumed by God. WHY? So we can say with Galatians 2, verse 20:
Galatians 2:20 (NLT)
20 My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me . . .
“Self” must be crucified so Jesus Christ can live in you to love and sacrifice for your spouse.
STEP THREE: Be transformed by renewing your mind, BY focusing your spiritual growth on your marriage.
Romans 12:2 (NLT)
2 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Don’t copy the way the world does it. Instead, let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Get a renovation of your mind.
God’s divine power can transform you by renewing your mind.
HOW DO WE BEGIN THIS TRANSFORMATION?
A. Daily intake of The Word, prayer, and fellowship.
B. Acknowledging areas that are not fully consumed by God.
C. Focusing your spiritual growth on those specific areas of need.
This almost always involves repentance from sin. This almost always requires forgiveness in your marriage. And this is always empowered by walking in the Spirit.
Again, the three steps to living in our roles;
Step #1 – Learn to depend on the power of the Holy Spirit. Realize there’s not enough “try” in you.
Step #2 – Present your “self” to be consumed by God. So Christ can live in you.
Step #3 – Be transformed by renewing your mind. By focusing your Spiritual growth on your marriage
RESPONSE TIME
If we don’t actively apply these truths, our marriages will return to being the same as before we went through this series. So, please read each of these commitments, then make each commitment, one at a time, verbally, to your spouse. If you are willing, or to the extent that you are willing.
- I understand that going through this marriage study without actively applying these truths will NOT change our marriage.
- I am willing to actively apply the truths God reveals to us in this study.
- I commit to regular prayer and devotion reading with you for the Holy Spirit to begin to transform our marriage.
- I will acknowledge the specific needs in our marriage and commit to a long-term plan for God’s divine transformation in those areas.
I trust you have taken the time to genuinely consider each of these commitments. And I trust you have made each of them, individually, to your spouse, looking into their eyes.
Let’s Pray:
“Dear Heavenly Father, please don’t allow us to be hearers of your Word only. Please convict us and give us the power to be doers of your Word. Please hold us accountable by your Holy Spirit to pray and read your Word together, and please reveal to us ways we can actively apply your principles in our marriage. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”
And now . . . homework.
Living in our Roles - Pt 1
Session 9 - Homework # 1
SCRIPTURE: Jn 13:1-5 Date ____________
PRAY
LISTEN
Read Jn 13:1-15 (both of you). Read it carefully. Husband, you are in the place of Christ. Wife, you are in the place of the disciples (the Church).
COMMUNICATE
Talk about what this text means in your marriage. Talk about how this picture can be applied to your marriage. In love, be honest. Spend some time talking about this.
RESPOND
Wife - How can your husband best do this for you?
Husband - What will you do to accomplish this for your bride?
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PRAY TOGETHER
Pray about this subject. Make sure you’ve taken enough time to really think through this, communicate about it in love, and respond to one another. Then, pray for one another regarding what has been discussed.
SCRIPTURE: Titus 2:4-5, 1 Tim 5:14 Date ____________
PRAY
LISTEN
Read Titus 2:4-5 & 1 Tim 5:14. Don’t get ‘off-topic’ here. Try to focus on the words “homemaker” in Titus and “manage the house” in 1 Tim.
COMMUNICATE
Talk about the subject of managing and caring for the household. What does that mean in your marriage? In love, be honest (husbands, be careful). Spend some time talking about what this means within your specific situation.
RESPOND
Husband - What can your wife do to help you in this area?
Wife - How can you better help and support your husband in this area?
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PRAY TOGETHER
Pray about this subject. Make sure you’ve taken enough time to really think through this, communicate about it in love, and respond to one another. Then, pray for one another regarding what has been discussed.
Living in Our Roles - Pt 2
Session 9 - Homework # 2
SCRIPTURE: 2 Pet 1:2-8 Date ______________________
PRAY
LISTEN
Read 2 Pet 1:2-8. Read it over a few times in the NLT if you have it (or read it in the workbook).
THINK
Has God given us everything we need to live in our roles as he designed them? (vs 3)
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Is there an “Our Part” part? Do we have a role? (vs 5)
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Read over verses 5-7 again. Take a minute to write down what steps you’ve taken to grow in your spiritual maturity.
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What steps can you take to continue growing in your spiritual maturity?
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COMMUNICATE
The 3 steps to changing your life (and marriage) can be summarized as follows;
1) Learn to Depend on the Power of the Holy Spirit
2) Present your ‘Self’ to be consumed by God (Crucify self)
3) Renew your Mind (by focusing your Spiritual Growth)
These steps are simple, but they are NOT easy. Talk together about how you can, together, grow in each of these three areas. Talk about them one at a time.
You may need to consider praying for, and asking for, marriage disciplers (mentors) who can point you in the right direction and help you grow in each of these areas.
Together, make a plan for your spiritual growth; write down the highlights of that plan.
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PRAY
Pray that you would hold each other up, submitting to one another, in order to grow in your spiritual maturity, and in your marriage.